Times have changed and so have the possibilities. Separations are increasingly common in couples with or without children. This does not mean that your relationship cannot last, but if it is not going well, separating is an option that is no longer considered so complicated.
Any breakup can be difficult, however, after a certain age you have more things in common (mortgage, children, friends…) and perhaps that makes the separation more complicated. Is it possible to separate at 40? When to make the decision to separate? How to separate after so many years of marriage? In Psychology-Online we tell you why many couples consider separating at that age and how you can survive the end of a years-long relationship: why separate at 40 and how to do it.
Why do they separate at 40?
What happens around age 40 that makes so many couples decide to separate? At that age there are usually a series of factors that make many people consider their life.
- On the one hand, it begins the maturity, things are clearer. You doubt less about what you really want, or what makes you happy.
- Additionally, around that age you have probably lost an important person in your life. And when that happens, it usually marks a before and after. That makes you rethink your life.
- On the other hand, at midlife, which in our society is usually between 40 and 50 years old, you begin to be aware of old age and the end of life.
All these circumstances make you begin to evaluate what you have and what you wanted to achieve, but it fell by the wayside. Maybe your priorities change. What you previously considered necessary may now be seen as an accessory because what you really want is to enjoy the things that life gives you. Perhaps learning something you were never able to study or working in a job that brings you less money, but more satisfaction. And one of those changes may be your partner.
Midlife crisis and separation
This stage, which we have seen in the previous section, in which a person rethinks their life, is called a mid-life crisis (between 40 and 50 years more or less).
If one of the members of the couple changes your way of seeing life and your priorities and the other does not, it is very possible that the relationship will resist. You no longer want the same things and that inevitably represents a distancing.
Sometimes the call goes through and everything goes back to how it was before. I’m not saying normality because normality is relative and depends on each couple. But other times, this new conception of life and the desire to recover lost youth cause the relationship to break down and separation occurs.
How to get over a breakup at 40
How to separate at 40? As I mentioned at the beginning of the article, these days there are many possibilities for someone who separates at 40, since, as more and more couples separate than in decades ago, there are many more people in the same situation. Therefore, more social life and greater probability of finding a new partner.
Breakups are characterized by ups and downs. At first, when you make the decision, you may feel good, happy and energetic, with the desire to live, to do new things, to enjoy and to teach others what you are doing (very characteristic of midlife crises). of the life). However, after a while you may long for the stability of your home, the tranquility of routine and good family times. A breakup requires mourning, that is, a process to assimilate and accept the loss of the partner and all the things that are lost with the separation. It should be taken into account that separations entail many changes. If you have children, we recommend reading the following.
To overcome a breakup at 40, the recommendations are:
- Relate with other people. In this article we explain.
- Take time for yourself. Work on knowing yourself and clarifying what you really want and expect from your life from now on. And what you don’t want too.
- Don’t start a new relationship until learning to be comfortable alone. If not, what you will start will be a .
- If you have children, keep them in mind before making important decisions.
- Live for you and not for others. By this I mean that it is not necessary that you act to please others or go around publishing a very decorated life on social networks. Enjoy your moments by paying attention to them.
- Seize the day to do those activities you’ve always wanted to do.
How long does it take to get over a divorce?
A divorce involves grief. You lose someone, not because they are no longer there, but because they are no longer in your life. And therefore requires some adaptation time It will depend on each person and their personal circumstances.
The idea is widespread that getting over a divorce takes three years or that recovering from a relationship takes as many months as the relationship has been in doubt. But these are myths, there are no established times to get over a breakup. There are people who overcome it in a few months and there are others who take 1 or 2 years. The important thing is that you ask for help if you need it and that you limit communication with your ex-partner as much as possible so that it doesn’t become too hard. The less contact you have, the faster you will get used to a life without him or her..
It is not at all convenient to remain friends, because one of the two will suffer, especially when starting new relationships. And as for new relationships, don’t be in a hurry. Until you have overcome your grief, it is not advisable to start a new relationship.
In this article you will find the information you need about .
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Morandeira, V. (2008). What’s up with my husband? – How to help and help you in your 40’s crisis. Spain: Cículo Rojo.
- Setiya, K. (2019). In the middle of life. Barcelona: Asteroid Books.
- Riso, W. (2017). I already said goodbye to you, now how can I forget you. Barcelona: Zenith.