According to the latest (CIS) survey, 47% of Spaniards agree that a person can have more than one active sexual relationship, which is what is known as an open relationship.
It should not be confused with , since it also implies an affective, sexual and emotional bond simultaneously, between more than two people.
The most surprising thing is the perception we have about love.
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70% of those surveyed believe that true love can handle everything. That is, we continue to believe in the power of love.
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In addition, 80% affirm that if someone is in love with their partner, they will be faithful to them for the rest of their lives.
Silvia Llopknown as the love psychologist, tells this newspaper that:
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“To be successful in it, you only have to master two things: understand what is happening to work in the right direction and make the right decisions, and not give carte blanche to those who do not treat you as you deserve.”
The first question is direct. Have relationships changed with the use of social networks?
What has changed is that we now have more options. But it is a double-edged sword because, on the one hand, you can always think that there is someone better, and on the other, that you don’t have to stay with the first one that happens. It is also true that we currently have less pressure, you no longer have to get married at 20 to avoid being a weirdo.
And how do social networks affect the relationship of a couple?
His thing is to have a good self-esteem so as not to be controlling your partner if his followers have increased, if he is chatting with another person… And above all, have respect within the relationship, because it is clear if one of them wants to deceive the other what You can do with or without social media.
What happens is that in social networks you see more things. The networks put you within reach of many people. But really the same thing happens when you go out to a party. In the end, it’s a matter of self-control and saying: I can find someone attractive, but I’m not going to end up getting involved with the first one that comes along, no matter how much I like them. I have a partner and, above all, I respect her.
And with Tinder, ghosting arrives, which is disappearing when it seemed that a relationship was being forged. Can this be overcome without affecting our self-esteem?
It is always painful to suffer. But we have to learn that what that person is teaching us is his poor management of emotions, and instead of putting on the table the reasons why he doesn’t want to continue with you, either because he really doesn’t like you, he has returned with his ex…disappears without a trace. Avoid that conversation. But again, it’s nothing personal. It is simply his way of managing that painful situation. And he is clearly showing you that he is an awful candidate to become your mate.
About the author
Silvia lop She has a degree in Psychology from the University of Barcelona and a Master’s degree in Programming neurolinguistics and postgraduate in Practical Psychotherapy. She is an expert in helping people who feel ready to turn their love lives around, take charge of their lives and find love.
In his book, , which is now in its tenth edition, explains how to say goodbye to a partner who doesn’t value you, who doesn’t make you feel good… and even to the one who has left you. Because, as she herself emphasizes, “you deserve better.”
There is also another term orbiting: you break up with your partner, but continue on your social networks. Does it prevent you from rebuilding your life?
When a person does not answer your WhatsApp, but does react with likes to your photos on Instagram… It is evident that you are not linking in the healthiest way possible. Therefore, my advice is very clear: block. We cannot allow a person to come and make us dizzy in this way. If you see yourself doing this: take care of yourself.
Open couple, polyamory… With so many ‘new’ concepts, how can a couple come to a healthy understanding?
I usually find in consultation that one person in the couple wants to open the relationship and the other accepts it because they do not want to lose it. But that’s a perfect recipe to get your heart broken and have a very hard time. It is important to be compatible and have the same goal in life.
Otherwise, it is best to break the relationship. If the relationship is not opened, it is likely that one part of the couple will feel frustrated, because their purpose is not being fulfilled. And on the contrary, if the relationship opens up, even if one of them does not agree one hundred percent, in the end it is as if they were forcing him. We cannot live our lives by other people’s rules.
Does an open relationship mean that one partner does not want to commit?
No. Someone may want to commit, but feel like they want to have sexual freedom and be intimate with other people. It does not mean that he rejects the commitment, but that he has other rules that are not the most common in society, although it is true that more and more are being seen. In my perspective, these types of relationships are more complex, because if a monogamous relationship is already difficult, when more people are involved…
Can you separate sex from emotions?
Depends on the person. It is something that I see in the query. People who force themselves to have sex with someone without ‘getting hooked’ but don’t get it. And in this, a hormone plays a fundamental role, oxytocin, which women tend to have more than men, since it is also released when giving birth to bond with the baby.
For this reason, the important thing is to ask yourself if we are going to be able to have sex without any personal bond, which is essential in new relationships.
Can it be broken in a healthy way?
The more bonds and ties (children, house…) the more complicated the breakup is. It takes more work and is more painful. But we cannot stay in a relationship just because we have children, because in the end what they see is what you are teaching them: you have to preserve the relationship even if you are not happy. And that is not a good teaching.
It’s something I see frequently. Children who tell me that their parents do not love each other, but that they are still together, and that they have learned this type of message that prevents them from relating in a healthy and affective way.
Could the process of a breakup be similar to the loss of a family member?
It’s similar, but you know that this person is still on earth and you can find him around the corner. Although there are some pre-established phases, each person lives it in a different way:
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shock
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Anger (angry at the world, at the situation, and even at yourself)
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Bargaining (you try in your head to think you can come back)
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Depression (I’m going to stay alone)
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And acceptance (you have understood the breakup and it no longer hurts).
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