In this Psychology-Online article we want to talk to you about a situation that can occur when we try to get our partner and our family to know each other. It is about your mother does not accept your boyfriendwhat can you do then?
It can be quite complicated, posing an obstacle for both the couple’s relationship and the relationship between the child and their mother. For this reason, we consider it important to analyze the most frequent reasons for this rejection, as well as to know what you can do to deal with it. Will you stay to discover all this with us?
My mother doesn’t accept my boyfriend because he is older
One of the main reasons why a mother does not accept her son or daughter’s partner is that that partner is older. This is explained because it is normally thought that when two people are of different ages, this implies being in different vital stages as well. However, this does not have to be the case, since Each individual evolves and matures at their own pace.without age being a totally reliable indicator about the stage in which one is or one’s life goals.
Normally, the greater the age difference, the greater the rejection by the mother, because if there is a difference of one or two years this problem does not usually appear. Or if she does, it is usually because someone else also appears, among which are the ones we tell you about below.
My mother doesn’t accept my boyfriend because she has a son
Another cause of rejection of the groom by a mother, that is, her mother-in-law, is that the groom has children. In this sense, the reasons that mothers usually mention are that their daughters or sons will have to take care of the child, in addition to fearing that the child may reject them or that if the couple does not go well, the child will be damaged.
In these cases, the type of relationship that the couple has with the mother or father of the child or children also influences, since the rejection is much greater in the event that this relationship with the ex is conflictive. This is quite logical, since mothers do not usually want their children to have to mediate the relationship between their current partner and their ex, as they may be harmed.
If this is your case, here you will find.
My mother doesn’t accept my boyfriend because he is poor
In some cases, the reason for rejection of a son or daughter’s boyfriend is that he or she has an economic position that the mother does not consider good. It is not usually because there is a rejection of her condition of poverty itself, but because the mother does not want her child to have to support the other person, or because she thinks that she will lose opportunities by having to deal with said poverty.
In this sense, problems also usually arise when the boyfriend lacks studiesbecause in many people there is the view that the more studies, the better living conditions a person can provide to their partner.
What to do if my mother doesn’t accept my boyfriend
If we find ourselves in the uncomfortable situation that our mother does not accept our boyfriend, we probably ask ourselves the following question: “What do I do if my mother doesn’t accept my boyfriend?” To try to remedy this rejection we can try to follow the following recommendations:
- Try to identify the causes of rejection: The first thing is to know why the rejection of that person is occurring, trying to talk to your mother. Well, she will appreciate that we try to understand her and be able to discuss her feelings and her position.
- Don’t refute negative comments towards your boyfriend, or respond aggressively to them: this only makes things worse, potentially leading your mother to think that she is right and even that the reason for your aggressiveness is that your boyfriend is not good for you.
- Try to get them to meet your boyfriend: This way they can see that it is not bad for you, knowing it can make the prejudices related to their situation disappear.
- Listen to your parents’ opinions and advice: They are only trying to ensure your well-being and safety. Something interesting is the large number of occasions in which mothers are the first to detect signs of abuse towards their daughters, even when these are imperceptible to anyone else.
- Be patient and give it time your mother to accept your boyfriend: sometimes, all it takes to end rejection is a little (or a lot) of patience. It is normal, especially in the case of first relationships or having had a partner towards whom your mother felt special affection, that at first she is shocked by your new boyfriend, and may reject him simply because of how new or strange this new situation seems to them. Therefore, it is better that you give your mother some time to get used to the idea that you have a boyfriend.
- Keep your mother informed and don’t lie to her or hide things from him: If your mother rejects your boyfriend, one of the worst things you can do is avoid telling him things or lying to him. This will only make your mother reject him even more, also causing you to distance yourself from each other.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Drefahl S. (2010). How does the age gap between partners affect their survival? Demographics, 47(2), 313–326. doi:10.1353/dem.0.0106
- Hartwell-Walker, M. (2018, October 8). When Your Parents Disapprove of Your Partner. Retrieved November 26, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/when-your-parents-disapprove-of-your-partner/
- Skalická, V., & Kunst, AE (2008). Effects of spouses’ socioeconomic characteristics on mortality among men and women in a Norwegian longitudinal study. Social Science & Medicine, 66(9), 2035–2047. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2008.01.020