When a relationship ends and, depending on the reasons, it may happen that people miss each other, realize that the decision made was a mistake and want to fight for each other. For some people it is a very big effort, since it may mean admitting that they made a mistake when putting an end to it. Have you decided to give yourself another chance? Do you both really want it? Does your ex-partner really want to get back with you or is it just that he or she is good at having your company but without making an effort to solve the problems? In this Psychology-Online article we want to explain some of the reasons why your ex partner does not show that he wants to get back with you and what to do.
Pride
Maybe the breakup hurt the person’s self-esteem and self-love (the things that hurt more when they get hurt) and now, despite this pain that the breakup has caused them, they realize that they want to get back with you, but that injury prevents him from taking the stepbecause that would be lowering their pride, that is, their self-esteem.
Pride can also appear from the fact of having to accept that the decision that was made was wrong. The person who has a lot of pride will take more subtle actions to get your attention and show their availability, they will like your photos, but it doesn’t have to be always, they may send you messages, even if they don’t explicitly show that they want to meet up or that they are waiting for you, etc. What to do in this case? If you think that your ex-partner is holding back this situation, it would be a good time to practice empathy and assertiveness with that person. In this article we explain to you.
Confusion
After a breakup, very contradictory feelings, also the result of the grieving process faced after a loss. The person may feel that they miss you and would prefer to be by your side one day and another believe that the decision that has been made is better. This fact can lead him to carry out behaviors such as meeting you and then telling you that he does not want to come back, or telling you to meet and at the last minute telling you no. In short, behaviors that generate the same confusion as your state.
In case you detect some confusion in your ex-partner, you can show understanding, as they are parts of a grieving process, and accepting the situation. You can give him time and space and be available if he needs anything, as long as that’s what you want. Or, if you feel that this confusion is leading you down the path of bitterness, make the decision to distance yourself from that person for a while. It is also necessary that you know the .
Difficulty accepting what you feel
It may happen that the person has difficulty accepting what they feel for the other person. Why should I go back to my ex-partner? Why do I feel this way about her or him if we have left him or her? All these questions make the person fall into a spiral of denial of their feelings, which ends up forming a protection wall so as not to try again what has already damaged you once. The person then ends up not accepting her feelings and resisting paying attention to her, preferring to think that it is something temporary, typical of the breakup, but that in reality he does not want to return. Also in this section we can find the rationalization, another very powerful one, is that everything emotional is given a mental explanation in order to first be able to give an explanation to what it feels like, give a logical explanation to the feelings and thoughts or behaviors that if it were not for this mechanism They would cause us anxiety, feelings of inferiority or guilt. This way you avoid feeling so intensely. Given these attitudes, you will be able to meet the acting out from your ex-partner. He acting out They are impulsive behaviors in contrast to their usual behavior, even if the action has a logical explanation behind it. These actions are usually associated with something repressed that manifests itself through this impulse.
Fear
He is one of the most paralyzing emotions we can encounter. It helps us protect ourselves but, at the same time, when it is excessive, on many occasions paralyzes us. It may happen that your ex-partner is afraid of having a bad time again if she comes back into the relationship. Furthermore, phrases like “the second parts were never good” keep you anchored in non-action. Here you will find more information about .
What can you do if your ex wants to come back but doesn’t show it out of fear? If you think this is the reason why your ex-partner does not take the step of confessing what she truly feels, Do it firsttell him that a part of you also knows that he is giving another chance to something that for
Difficulty expressing what you feel
If your ex-partner has always shown difficulties expressing what he or she feels, it may happen that the same thing is happening now. Given the difficulty of expressing, the person is going to show you that they want to get back with you with actions that can be a little shy and discreet: ask yourself what’s up from time to time, give a like or send a subtle message on social networks (like reacting to an Instagram story).
Most likely, in this case you will have to be the one who pulls the most in order for the person to express their emotions and feelings. First you will have to open yourself up to give way to the other person and perhaps in the process of expressing you will need positive reinforcement such as “ I like what you’re telling me” or “thank you for letting me know what you feel.” In this article we explain in depth.
It could also be that. To help you reflect on the situation, you can consult this article in which you will find .
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to My ex wants to come back but doesn’t show it: why and what to dowe recommend that you enter our category.
Bibliography
- Riso, W. (2003). Plucking daisies: about conventional love and other bad habits. Norma Publishing.
- Riso, W. (2007). The limits of love. RBA Collectibles.