Breakups have never been easy. And although we all want to show that we can handle it as adults and rational people, our emotions have a lot to say. This thing about staying friends is not that simple. Even though we want to hide it, it is very hard for that person who has played such an important role in our lives to suddenly stop doing so, just as it is to “disengage” ourselves from them, and even more so with the reach of social networks.
Therefore, sometimes the best remedy is to block that person. If you find yourself in this situation and want to understand it better, keep reading this Psychology-Online article in which we explain Why your ex has blocked you from everywhere and what you can do about it.
Social networks during a breakup
The emergence of social networks and applications dedicated to instant messaging, such as Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram or Twitter, has facilitated many improvements in interpersonal communication, but has also increased the surveillance and control behaviors of behavior over the Internet.
The use of social networks during a breakup is conditioned by the “ideology of social networks”, defined as a set of beliefs about communication technologies, with which users explain the perceived structure and meaning of the networks. That is, beliefs about what they should be used for, how they should be used, etc. These ideologies influence how people react on different social networks.
Another factor related to the behavior that people adopt after a breakup is the type of attachment they tend to establish in their relationships. Avoidant attachment is associated with minimizing contact with the ex-partner, while ambivalent or anxious attachment It is associated with greater concern for her, higher levels of stress, and more frequent attempts to get back into the relationship. This type of attachment is also associated with a unwanted chasing behavior after the breakup, ranging from persistent attempts to contact the ex-partner to attempts to get back together with them, even if they are not interested.
My ex deleted my number
People are curious beings, so “stalking” or gossiping to a certain extent about your ex-partner right after a romantic breakup is understandable. Practically everyone does it. In addition, social networks and messaging applications make it much easier for members of the ex-partner to stay in touch, even if they are not communicating directly, remaining “friends” on social networks often means that one sees or receives images or information about your ex-partner’s life. And this can be a problem when trying to get over the relationship.
Apart from curiosity, uncertainty plays a key role, which grows when ending a relationship that provided security. At that moment we are more vulnerable and emotional, so it is difficult to remain rational and know how to discern which behaviors are healthier and which are harming us the most. It has been seen that Young people who monitor their partners more on the Internet experience more stress during the breakupand that, in turn, stress predicts the behavior of monitoring or controlling the ex-partner immediately after the breakup, especially for those who had not initiated it.
Thus, technology is a double-edged sword, since on the one hand it can alleviate individual curiosity in the short term, but on the other hand it simultaneously influences the development of unhealthy behaviors through repeated review of what the ex-partner does. Faced with these behaviors, sometimes the best option is to cut off contact for good: delete the number, delete or block that person who was previously seen as someone permanent in one’s life. But there may be more reasons why an ex blocks you. We see them in the next section.
Why has my ex blocked me?
Eliminating or blocking the ex-partner is one of the most popular mechanisms for dealing with the stress or pain caused by the breakup. There may be several reasons for doing so, let’s look at some:
- To better deal with pain. It is possible that, even if your ex does not search for it on purpose, they continue to appear and see your stories, posts, statuses, posts, photos, etc., something that really does not help you deal with the breakup better or get over yourself. Therefore, once blocked, all your updates stop appearing and it can alleviate the suffering.
- To not torture yourself. It could be that not only does he accidentally see what you post, but, as we explained in the previous section, he follows you and actively searches for you to see what you do and how you continue with your life. This is a behavior that greatly hinders recovery, so it is best to prevent yourself from seeing all those posts by blocking yourself.
- Because she feels watched. In one study, the vast majority of participants admitted that after a breakup they stalked and even closely monitored all of their ex-partners’ activity on social media. The person may feel watched and overwhelmed, and decide to block you to put an end to this situation.
- To put more distance between you. Perhaps blocking you is the only way he has found to move forward and put a necessary distance between you, especially if one of the members of the couple feels tempted to talk to the other to return or to continue with the harmful dynamics that led you to each other. break.
Is it better to delete your ex from WhatsApp?
Determining whether or not it is better to delete your ex from WhatsApp or other social networks depends on how you handle the breakup, and the use you make of WhatsApp and the networks in relation to your ex. Research to date suggests that maintaining contact with an ex-partner can inhibit an individual’s ability to get over the breakup. Therefore, What is generally recommended is to cut contactalthough it will depend on each case.
It is especially advisable to delete your ex from WhatsApp and similar in case a series of behaviors occur:
- Re-read and over-analyze old messages or posts. These messages can bring up painful memories and lead us to dwell on the past or try to figure out what went wrong in the relationship. It is best to delete these messages and eliminate contact with the ex.
- Using common friends as an excuse to remain friends with your exeven if this means torturing yourself by following your ex-partner’s updates.
- Write or call your ex every time you are overcome by a sea of nostalgia and sorrow. Having such easy and quick access to that person doesn’t help those waves of sadness stop coming. In the following article you will find information about.
- Follow everything the couple does on social networks: what is posted, who likes it and to whom, etc., since, as we have mentioned previously, it is a counterproductive behavior that makes it difficult for us to get over the breakup.
The most important thing is to be honest with yourself and make the decision that is truly healthiest, even if it is eliminating or blocking our ex. Stopping being friends with your ex does not mean weakness or immaturity. There is nothing wrong with distancing yourself from someone who is no longer good for you and, at the end of the day, you have to do what helps you be better. You will find it useful to know these.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Blight, M.G., Ruppel, E.K. & Jagiello, K. (2019). “Using Facebook Lets Me Know What He is Doing:” Relational Uncertainty, Breakups, and Renewals in On-again/ Off-again Relationships, Southern Communication Journal, DOI: 10.1080/1041794X.2019.1641836
- Fox, J., & Tokunaga, R.S. (2015). Romantic Partner Monitoring After Breakups: Attachment, Dependence, Distress, and Post-Dissolution Online Surveillance via Social Networking Sites. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 18(9), 491–498. doi:10.1089/cyber.2015.0123
- Lukacs, V., & Quan-Haase, A. (2015). Romantic breakups on Facebook: new scales for studying post-breakup behaviors, digital distress, and surveillance. Information, Communication & Society, 18(5), 492–508. doi:10.1080/1369118x.2015.1008540
- Lukacs, V. (2012). It’s Complicated: Romantic Breakups and Their Aftermath on It’s Complicated: Romantic Breakups and Their Aftermath on Facebook Facebook. Electronic Thesis and Dissertation Repository.