Leaving a relationship is not easy, it is a delicate and sad situation that causes us discomfort and suffering. Most of the time, when we want to end a relationship, we do not want to harm the other person or for the relationship between us to change completely. That’s when we get the fear of thinking that we are making a bad decision. Feelings of pity and compassion may also appear towards the other person; we may feel sorry to leave our partner because we believe that he or she will have a worse time than us and we want to avoid that suffering. Even? But this thought is completely wrong since it will only cause even more pain. It is for this reason that, in this Psychology-Online article, we will explain the Why and what to do if you want to leave your partner but you feel sad.
Why do I feel sorry for my partner?
As we have mentioned previously, we can feel sorry for ending a romantic relationship, since we feel nostalgia for shared moments and/or by think that the other person will suffer as a result of our decision. We can also feel guilty for wanting to end the relationship and for not fully accepting that what we feel is completely natural and cyclical.
Many times we extend romantic relationships because we feel fear, sorrow or uncertainty towards the other person, believing that he will not be able to overcome it. Romantic relationships, as well as personal relationships with friends and/or family, have a duration and we must accept and be grateful for it in the most natural way possible.
Each person is responsible for themselves, as well as your feelings and emotions. Many times we believe that prolonging the breakup process, when it is out of pity for the other person, will make it more bearable. And, obviously, each person is a world and, therefore, each relationship has its times and spaces. Even so, One of the most valuable things we have in our lives is time.. That is why, if your decision is clear, in the vast majority of cases it will be beneficial for both of you if you communicate it without extending it. We must find the balance between: listening to ourselves, giving ourselves the time and space to act and empathizing with the other person’s position.
How to work through guilt and overcome grief
Next we will see how to work on guilt, responsibility and compassion to stop feeling sorry for everything when it is excessive:
- Naturalize emotions. Emotions are part of us and we must naturalize them to be able to work and accept the processes of life.
- Accept it. The first step to working on guilt and sorrow towards the other person is to accept that emotion or emotions and feel them.
- show it. This step is important since, many times, we repress many of our emotions because we think that we are not worthy of feeling them and/or we believe that we cannot be vulnerable.
- Find the cause. Once you have accepted these new emotions that probably take you out of your comfort zone, you can begin to analyze their possible origin.
- Perform introspection. Its origin can come from, among many other factors, being outside your comfort zone, from thinking that the other person needs you and is not capable of rebuilding their life on their own, from the fear of losing it, from the fear of not knowing how it is going. the other person reacting and/or not knowing how to manage the emotional situation you feel, etc.
Reasons why you leave a relationship
The reasons why you want to leave a relationship can be as many as there are people and/or relationships that currently exist. There are infinite possibilities for you to decide to start a new path without that person or in a different way. In the end, all possible reasons are based on: you no longer feel the same towards that person and/or relationship. As we have mentioned before, life is full of natural cycles that we must accept as much as possible.
People evolve throughout the years, each one in our own time and it is for this reason that the person you met 5 years ago or possibly 6 months ago is not the same person as today since we constantly live new experiences that suit us. molding and transforming who we are today.
You may also feel that your paths in life are not the same. For example, you may have a strong feeling of wanting to travel around the world and your current partner, on the contrary, is at another point in their life. This example can be used with any divergence that is important enough to you to stop sharing your paths.
How to end a relationship without causing harm
Once we assimilate all the previous information and feel capable of facing the situation, it is time to act. But how do I end the relationship without causing harm? It is important to keep in mind that we ourselves are responsible only for our emotions and actions. We cannot be responsible for the emotions and actions of others..
- That is why, when you make a decision that you think may hurt the other person, and, consequently, you, it is important to do it from the I respect and the good communication.
- It is likely that you have already dedicated some time to reflecting on this topic and the emotions you were/are experiencing, so it is important that you understand that the other person also needs a reflection time and acceptance of it.
And if we live togetherHow do we manage it? The fact of living with your partner and wanting to end the romantic relationship makes the process somewhat more complex and, therefore, good communication between both of you is even more necessary. Clear, sincere and respectful communication is key to carrying out a separation with the least possible damage.
And if we have been around for a long timeHow to break up a long-standing relationship? Previously, romantic relationships began at a very young age and lasted a lifetime. Today, this fact has completely changed and relationships do not last as long as before. Even so, if you find yourself in the situation of wanting to leave your partner with whom you have been sharing for many years, it is important that you allow yourself the time of acceptance of emotions that you may be feeling. We must understand that the fact of having been with that person for many years does not prevent us from feeling that we no longer want to share experiences in the same way. There are numerous cases of couples who remain for the comfort and conformity of not having the courage to change, even though the feeling of love as a couple no longer exists. We must always aspire to our maximum happiness and therefore not repress it because of comfort and fear. In this article we explain.
It should be added that each situation is completely different from the others and we must shape it according to and faithfully to our emotions, needs and happiness. It is for this reason that you can reach an agreement with your partner so that you know that you do not share your romantic relationship as before, but you can continue sharing many other things that make you feel comfortable and happy. In this article we answer the question you may be asking yourself:
Once again, to conclude this very complex topic, we must base our actions and words on the path of respect, good communication and sincerity towards ourselves and towards the other person. Love is also demonstrated in the breakup process and it is important to take good care of this end of the cycle, just like all the previous ones.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Liberman, R. P. (1995). Couples Therapy Handbook: A Positive Approach to Helping Troubled Relationships. Bilbao: Desclee de Brouwer.
- Riso, W. (1999). To love or depend?. Barcelona: Planet.