Happiness. Our mouths are full of her talking about her in recent times, but what happens when we are not happy? What do we do to remedy it? Let’s start at the beginning. Some say that happiness is found in the little things, while others defend that happiness is a global state in which you find yourself and where you can be happy, but have moments of sadness or depression.
In relationships, some believe that happiness and suffering go hand in hand, since many times we fail to achieve the goal of being happy. In this Psychology-Online article we will analyze the following situation: I am not happy with my partner, but I can’t leave her, what do I do? We will help you identify if you are no longer happy with your partner, why and we will give you some advice to deal with this situation.
How to know if I am happy with my partner or not
The reason why you no longer feel as happy with your partner may be a very specific reason or perhaps a combination of several factors that have led you to that. Below, we offer you some tips to know if you are happy with your partner or not:
- Observe the physical and emotional connection between you: the connection that exists in a couple, both physical and emotional, is very important to feel united to that person and to be able to create a bond. If you feel that it is disappearing, or you no longer feel comfortable with what the bond you created is like, it is likely to make you less happy.
- You have bad communication: Lack of communication generates misunderstandings and can make us feel less understood by our partner, that they do not understand us, that they are not offering us what we want or even that they have changed for no reason. All of this could make you feel less happy since it is not meeting your needs. In this situation, we recommend you read this article about .
- You constantly compare the current situation with the past: People are constantly changing, in fact, as Heraclitus said, “the only thing constant is change.” This affects us on a personal and individual level and how we relate to the people around us. It may be that you don’t agree or that you feel that you no longer fit into your partner’s life because he/she has changed, or that he/she no longer fits into your life with your changes.
- Everything he says and does bothers you: Anything irritates you and that makes you not feel comfortable. If you identify the reason, it is something that you can try to solve, but, if not, you should consider some points in the relationship.
- You don’t put interest in the relationship: You don’t make plans nor do you feel like making plans. This is an important turning point and one in which you should inspect deeply to know if you want to fight to continue with that person, or the time has simply come to turn the page.
- You feel sad and dull when you are together: If something that once filled you with energy and vitality no longer does so, it is probably because it does not make you feel cheerful and happy.
- You feel like love or respect is over: There are times when we can notice that lack of feelings towards our partner or even lack of respect, such as it could be that he no longer tells you when he is not going to come home to eat or counts on you for anything. It may also be that that feeling of friendship appears above the love of a couple and makes you feel more unhappy.
- You feel that he has betrayed or disappointed you: When this feeling appears, it is difficult to let it go and, above all, it is probably constantly running through your head, making you unable to stay calm, which can lead to unhappiness in the relationship. In this article, we show you.
Why can’t I leave my partner if I’m not happy?
Loving relationships and those that generate well-being have a basic biological mechanism in which they are involved. In addition, learning processes such as habituation, both at a biological and behavioral level. It works in the following way:
- emotional instability: When something new appears in our life, such as a partner, it generates emotional instability that produces an increase in some of the substances that are also involved in the processes of drug dependence.
- Stabilization: the repeated presence of a stimulus, such as a partner, produces changes in the transmission of the nervous impulses of the neurons involved, so that initial emotional instability is stabilized.
- Abstinence: When we end a relationship, that level that has stabilized upward in the presence of the partner suddenly decreases when the partner is not present. Thus, those neurons that had become accustomed to receiving high levels of dopamine, among others, notice that it is missing and this causes something similar to .
In this way, the answer to the question of why I can’t leave my partner if I am not happy is similar to the answer to the question why I can’t stop consuming a toxic substance when it is harming me.
What to do if I am not happy with my partner but I cannot leave him
If you are wondering what to do if you are no longer comfortable with your partner and you don’t know how to deal with the situation, these tips may come in handy:
- Seriously consider the reasons why you want to leave her and if it is what you want.: If so, it might help you to ask for help from people around you, or even professionals such as psychologists, to help you do this.
- Work on improving your self-esteem and confidence: Sometimes, it may be that you “can’t” leave your partner because of fears, such as I won’t find anyone who loves me the same, what others will think, what I’m going to do now, etc. In this article, we teach you.
- Reflect and communicate: Think about what is essential for you in a partner and whether they fulfill it or not. If you are not happy but do not want to leave her, you can try to solve those aspects that make you unhappy with your partner and see how everything evolves. You can also discuss it with him/her and see if, between the two of you, you can find a solution.
- Activate your closest social network: Feeling accompanied in these situations is very important for you and will help you see things from another perspective. Sometimes your loved ones can offer you the push you need to do it and you won’t feel alone in this.
Keep in mind the following phrase by Anaís Nin, coined in the book flexible happiness by Jenny Moix (2015): “And the day came when the risk I ran by staying inside the cocoon was more painful than the risk I ran by blooming.“.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to I am not happy with my partner, but I can’t leave her, what do I do?we recommend that you enter our category.
Bibliography
- White, A., (2016). Topic 3: Non-associative learning: habituation and sensitivity. Graduate in psychology. UAB.
- Carlson, N. R. (2014). Physiology of behavior. Madrid. Pearson Education, S.A.
- Guerra, G. (2004). The choice of partner. CEDECOG Virtual Magazine.
- Guerra, G. (2003). Adequate communication. CEDECOG Virtual Magazine.
- Moix, J., (2015). flexible happiness. Barcelona. Aguilar.