Emotional codependency has been little studied and almost does not appear in scientific literature, therefore, it is a poorly known topic in mental health. At Psychology-Online, we want to delve deeper into this topic that is so on the rise today. Which is related to problems as serious as drug addiction or sexist violence. We will see what codependency in a couple is, what are the symptoms of a codependent person and how to stop being emotionally codependent on your partner.
What is emotional codependency
Emotional codependency is a concept that refers to the uncontrollable, and even pathological, emotional need that one person feels for another. This type of dependency is usually more common in relationships. One of the members of the couple organizes and behaves based on the decisions of his or her partner. The emotional codependent becomes a submissive person who idealizes her partner, making him the focus of attention in her life. On the other hand, the couple adopts the dominant role, and it is this imbalance of roles that weakens the relationship. The imbalance gives rise to a vicious circle that causes the power of the member of the dominant couple to increase and the self-esteem of the codependent person to decrease.
Characteristics of emotional codependency
What is a codependent person like? The characteristics of emotional codependent people can be classified into three groups: characteristics related to the couple, characteristics at an interpersonal level and emotional characteristics.
- In the group of characteristics related to the couple, the extreme need to be with your partnerthe tendency towards exclusivity in the relationship, prioritization and idealization of the couple, subordination, past toxic relationships and intense fear of breakup.
- Within the group of characteristics at the interpersonal level, there are the need to please othersdifficulty making decisions and lack of social skills.
- Finally, in the group of emotional characteristics, it is worth highlighting the low self-esteemthe reduced level of personal satisfaction, the excessive fear of loneliness and destructive mood. In the following article, you will find more information about .
These manifestations can lead to the development of problems such as depressive or eating disorders, self-destructive personality, substance abuse and/or recurrent victims of sexual and physical abuse.
Causes of emotional codependency in a couple
The main potential causes of the couple’s emotional codependency are:
- Unsatisfactory emotional relationships in childhood and/or adolescence.
- Maintenance of unrequited emotional relationships.
- Development of fictitious self-esteem.
- Biological factors: within the biological factors, it is worth highlighting the female gender and the type of temperament.
- The manifestation of depressive symptoms.
- Culture.
- Family history.
How to differentiate love from emotional codependency on your partner
How do I know if I have or if my partner has emotional codependency? Let’s look at the differences between a healthy relationship and a relationship with codependency:
- Relationships with emotional codependency and relationships based on love differ mainly in that Codependent couples want to avoid loneliness and couples who love each other enjoy each other’s company. of the other person.
- They also differ in that in love relationships the couple complements each other and, however, in codependent relationships The dependent person is the one who adapts to the other person.
- Regarding the time of the members of the couple, couples who love each other share time both together and apart, while Codependent couples only want to do things in the company of their partners. This difference is closely related to trust in the partner.
- Love relationships are based on mutual respect and trust, however, relationships with emotional codependency They focus on controlling the couple at all times.
- When a relationship is based on love, both members of the couple are free and In a relationship with emotional codependency, the person acts to please the otherYou may even use manipulation to be with your partner.
How to overcome emotional codependency
People who are emotionally codependent on their partners feel that they are incapable of living without their partner, therefore, it is important that they acquire social and coping tools and skills so that they can cope with the situation. Likewise, it is essential that they work on themselves to strengthen their self-esteem. This process is not an easy task but it is necessary to be able to opt for healthier and more symmetrical relationships.
How do you cure emotional codependency? The keys that can facilitate this process are the following:
- Accept the situation. It is essential that we are aware of the breakup to be able to identify the reason for it and accept the reason for its end, to be able to separate from the couple and learn from mistakes regarding future relationships.
- Work on yourself. This key is essential to once again become the protagonist of our life, as well as to dedicate ourselves to our personal and emotional care. This will increase our self-esteem and reduce insecurities.
- Correct erroneous beliefs. This goal can be achieved through cognitive restructuring, a psychological technique that allows us to modify the dysfunctional content of our thoughts to transform them into more adaptive beliefs. For example, going from thinking that our partner is the driving force of our life, to thinking that our partner is a mere companion and not the protagonist. To do this, it can help you to know the .
- Increase the number of interpersonal relationships. Increasing our social circle makes it easier to disconnect from the couple at the level of dependency. Since, we have more people to lean on and make plans for than just our partner.
- Develop social skills. This key is based on acquiring tools to facilitate socialization, which is very useful to gain confidence in ourselves. Here we explain.
- Enhance autonomy. Autonomy is an essential requirement to leave codependency behind and feel capable of developing any activity on our own. Furthermore, the development of autonomy allows the achievement of objectives and, therefore, personal fulfillment.
- Ask for psychological help. This last key is essential to be able to work in a safe and controlled environment, with a qualified professional who has the necessary skills to accompany the codependent person in said recovery and cognitive restructuring process.
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This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Arocena, FAL, & Ceballos, JCM (2017). Emotional dependence, awareness of the present and communication styles in conflict situations with your partner. Teaching and Research in Psychology, 22(1), 66-75. Available at: https://www.redalyc.org/pdf/292/29251161006.pdf
- Cañete, EP, & Novas, FP (2012). Resolution of relationship conflicts in adolescents, sexism and emotional dependence. Psychology notebooks. International journal of psychology, 14(1), 45-60. Available at: https://raco.cat/index.php/QuadernsPsicologia/article/view/254304
- Castelló, J. (2000). Analysis of the concept of emotional dependence. In I Virtual Congress of Psychiatry (Vol. 5, No. 8). Available at: http://www.robertexto.com/archivo8/depend_emocio.htm
- De la Villa-Moral, María, Sirvent, Carlos, Ovejero, Anastasio, & Cuetos, Glenda. (2018). Emotional dependence on relationships and Artemis syndrome: explanatory model. Psychological Therapy, 36(3), 156-166. https://dx.doi.org/10.4067/S0718-48082018000300156