Many people are afraid to start a conversation because they don’t want to feel embarrassed; Social anxiety returns and they fear being judged and rejected. People don’t want to say anything offensive or that might make the other person feel embarrassed, so they “feel safe” and don’t say anything; This is not a good approach, because it is just an excuse not to overcome the fear of speaking. Avoiding fighting this fear means missing out on many interesting opportunities to meet other people, form new relationships, and improve your lives in many ways.
In this Psychology-Online article we will see How can you start a conversation with a person you like?. If you don’t know how to start a conversation with someone you don’t know, whether in person or via chat, such as WhatsApp, Instagram or Tinder, keep reading.
Tips for starting a conversation
How to start talking to someone? Whether you don’t know him yet, or if you’re embarrassed because you like him, you can use the following tips to start a conversation:
- Show interest in the conversation of the person next to you. People love to talk, and they love even more to find someone willing to listen to them.
- There are no yes/no questions. Ask your questions to start a conversation, questions that can be answered with a yes or a no bring communication to a dead end. To be avoided completely! In this article you will find.
- Let the person you are talking to teach you something. If the topic of conversation is obscure to you, don’t pretend, in most cases the person you are talking to will be more than happy to teach you something.
- Share your own anecdotes. Sharing past experiences serves to create a bond with people and can be very useful to break the ice before a conference in which you are the presenter.
- Practice with anyone you know. You have to cultivate the art of conversation, practicing will help you be more sure of yourself and not be left speechless on the next occasion.
- Observe, learn and imitate. We all have that friend who is able to charm anyone with his oratory skills. Listen to him, treasure his teachings, the questions he raises and do not hesitate to put them into practice at the first opportunity.
- Tell something that just happened to you. Small unimportant anecdotes, such as the bad coffee you had at the next bar or the bus you missed because it was momentarily late, can be a good starting point to start the conversation with someone you just met.
- Be honest. There’s nothing wrong with saying that you don’t like small talk and that you want to talk about “bigger things.” Your interlocutor will most likely be relieved by this statement. To do so, however, he prepares some interesting and “big” questions that promote trust between you, such as “What scared you today?” or “Are you happy with your current lifestyle?”
- Talk about your mistakes and bad experiences. People who are never wrong intimidate and do not sympathize with anyone, they also talk about your failures.
- The other person is like you. Finally, the most important conversation-starting tip of all: remember that other people around you are also just as impressed as you are most of the time. You are not alone in this!
3 experiments to break the ice and start talking to someone
Now we know how to start and mention a conversation over chat or in person, but how to overcome shame in the first place? Many people have difficulty breaking the ice with strangers and this condition can sometimes generate helplessness, frustration, and in some cases lock the person in a prison of loneliness. The reasons for this closure can be very varied, and often a psychotherapeutic path can be a good context in which useful social skills can be enhanced to dissolve in the report.
However, here we show you three experiments that may be useful to those who find it difficult to get closer to peoplecapable of moving some situations:
- The game of three looks and a smile. When you are in a public place and there is someone you like, but you are afraid to approach him because you fear rejection, you can stare at that person until he notices you. If the look is reciprocated, he flees with his eyes. Repeat this dance of looks twice more, but on the third, instead of running away with your eyes, you end up with a nice smile. All here: a simple and non-invasive exercise that certainly does not serve to conquer people (this is not the intention) but to familiarize yourself with some dynamics underlying courtship and .
- Collect 3 NO per day. It may seem a bit paradoxical as an experiment, because it is precisely about facing the fear that torments us, but doing it voluntarily and methodically could reveal interesting perspectives. Basically, the experiment consists of stopping someone (at first maybe people you know a little, later people you don’t know) and starting a conversation with them in order to bring home 3 “NO’s”. To begin with, they are also worth trivia questions like: “Do you know what time it is?” “Which way should I take to go to the station?” and so on. As you gain confidence with these short questions, you need to move on to more structured conversations. This exercise can be a good way to break the ice and, at the same time, something that allows us to still Start a conversation with whom we fear.
- Face what you fear. You need to focus on what blocks you, and gradually you begin to face it, deliberately looking for it. If it is the judgment of others that scares you, build daily situations that make you feel judged. If it is shame, look for cases where you have to endure your poison. Don’t overdo the dose at first, otherwise it will be lethal.
Trying these experiments should not cost too much effort and will allow you gradually leave the comfort zone. On the other hand, the only way to get different results is to do different things.
How to keep the conversation interesting
Once we have lost our shame and started a conversation, whether in person or on Instagram, Tinder or WhatsApp, it can end quickly. How to keep the conversation going? The person who started the conversation is responsible for its success, and that person is expected to do everything possible to keep it alive. This is a difficult matter, especially in the case of two strangers.
Fortunately, there are many ways to keep talking without the conversation losing effectiveness. Let’s look at some interesting tips and topics to talk to a girl or boy you like:
- Follow up with related questions. Phrases used to break the ice can also serve to continue a conversation, and are often accompanied by questions that can make it more interesting. For example, you might say, “I couldn’t help but notice that you always wear nice clothes,” and then ask, “Where do you buy them?” or “what’s your favorite store?” In this way the conversation continues after a simple phrase used to break the ice.
- Another effective way to keep the conversation going is move fluidly from the first topic to another. For example, if you start talking about a vacation abroad, then you can talk about the traditional foods that are tried in different places, thus moving from travel to food naturally. During the conversation it is important to be able to introduce new topics to prevent the interlocutor from getting bored.
- Leave space for expression and listen. So that the other person does not abandon the conversation, they are allowed to talk: the more they talk, the more they will feel involved in the conversation. To do this, open questions can be asked, which never require a simple yes or no answer, and leave the interlocutor the freedom to give as much or as little information about himself. If you use these questions well, a stranger can become an acquaintance.
- The deepening questions They are also important for maintaining a conversation, as they show a genuine interest in what that person is saying, and offers them the opportunity to give more information about themselves. This way it is easier to find common interests and interesting conversation topics for both of you.
If you’re looking for more techniques to improve your communication skills, this comprehensive guide from James Path will help you communicate effectively in love, business, and everyday life.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Andrews, J. (2014). Know how to talk. Babelcube Inc.
- Arnott, A. (2017). Chiacchierare without effort. Come fare conversazione con chiunque dovunque e qualsiasi occasione. Babelcube Inc.
- Lebowitz, S., Akhtar, A. (2019). 13 simple ways to get better at small talk. Retrieved from: https://www.businessinsider.com/get-better-at-small-talk-2017-6?IR=T
- Mazzucchelli, L. (2020). 3 exercises to combat shyness. Retrieved from: https://www.psicologiacontemporanea.it/blog/3-esercizi-combattere-la-timidezza/
- Podetti, M. (2017). 10 mods to start a conversation. Retrieved from: https://www.ninjamarketing.it/2017/07/19/10-modi-per-iniziare-una-conversazione/