The term anger has had multiple meanings in psychological research and everyday language, referring to both feelings and bodily or physiological reactions, as well as attitudes toward other people. Anger is understood as one of the seven basic and universal emotions that human beings have and it is completely normal to feel it at times, despite the discomfort it can generate and the difficulty of being able to manage it properly.
In this sense, anger has a variety of adaptive functions, such as the organization and regulation of internal psychological and physiological processes related to self-defense and the regulation of interpersonal and social behaviors. However, anger is an emotion considered aversive due to the damage that its mismanagement can cause at a social level. Therefore, in this Psychology-Online article we leave you 12 techniques/tips to know how to manage a couple’s anger attacks.
Leave a space of time
When you see that your partner’s words, actions and behaviors are controlled by anger, offer him some time offthat he can go to another part of the house or take a walk to meditate on what he is feeling and what is going through his head, as well as find the best way to tell you.
Provides a space to express your anger
Just as you offer him a space to meditate on his current emotional state, also offer him a space to be able to express what has caused you to be like this and be able to feel that he can share his emotions with you.
Identify possible solutions together
It may be difficult for your partner to see solutions to the situation that has made him feel that anger, since this emotion can cloud the senses and the possibility of seeing other options clearly. Nevertheless, propose possible solutions and assess the consequences of each of them could help this anger fade more quickly.
Try to dialogue using messages
Communicating using it as your main tool will help you too. express How your partner’s anger is making you feel in a way where you don’t feel attacked.
To achieve this, it is important to explain from your point of view how it is making you feel and in what specific situation, as well as explain what you would like to change and what you can do on your part to improve the situation.
Work together, not hold mutual grudges
Resentment due to situations where anger has appeared in the couple will generate tension and greater difficulty in managing emotions between them. In turn, this will generate more conflictive situations that can lead to greater resentment, and so on until the rope breaks from so much accumulated tension.
For this reason, once you have considered finding a solution to the situation, and if you intend to help your partner manage anger, it is important understand that this anger was the result of their mismanagement and that, once you close the chapter, opening it again will generate greater conflict.
Practice breathing exercises
The is an exercise that helps emotional regulation from the bodily expression of emotions, since slow breathing is incompatible with the physiological sensations of anger. Therefore, practicing these types of exercises can help your partner be calmer.
Do exercise
Do you want to know another way to manage anger? The exercise is a great emotional release tool which will help your partner feel happier and more restless after practicing it.
Include relaxation techniques in your daily life
The practice of relaxation exercisessuch as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation on a daily basis, will help control anger in future situations in which this emotion manifests itself again.
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Use empathy
Putting yourself in their place to try to understand what made them feel that way will facilitate dialogue between both of you and the expression of your emotions.
Also, remember that being empathetic does not mean agreeing with what the other person thinks at all times, but rather validate the emotions you are feeling facing a certain situation and the importance it may have for him/her.
Increase positive social behaviors
One of the points that can help with anger management is the development of pleasurable social activities. Therefore, once you have been able to talk and your partner feels a little better, another good way to manage anger could be do some of the activities you enjoy most together.
Recommend him to rest
When we are physically or mentally exhausted, our angry reactions and aggressive impulses are more frequent and we have fewer tools to manage them. For this reason, a good rest, whether together or separately, will help decrease lack of anger management.
Suggest going to therapy
Sometimes, a poor expression of anger can occur punctually due to the many factors that may be influencing it. However, on many other occasions the difficulty in managing anger is a consequence of the lack of tools available to the person, so It is important to go to therapy to work on it.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Buela-Casal, G. Sierra, JC (2009). Manual of psychological evaluation and treatments. Madrid: New Library.
- Ellis, A. (2007). Control your anger before it controls you. Barcelona: Paidós.
- Nieto, M., Delgado, M., & León, L. (2008). Approaches to the emotion of anger: from conceptualization to psychological intervention. row, eleven(28), 5.
- Rosique, M. T. (2019). Advances in psychological intervention techniques. Madrid: Ed. CEF.
- Vallejo Pareja, MA (1998). Behavior therapy manual. Madrid: Dykinson.