You need learn to say no? Do you get the impression that you always give in and end up pleasing others and don’t look out for your true needs?
When two opposing needs exist, conflict arises. We have to learn to decide which need we need to prioritize, our own or that of others, and learn to express it respectfully.
There are very varied reasons why we do not dare to give a refusal.
What are the reasons that exist for not saying no?
- Education based on pleasing others: We have learned that we must give ourselves to others, be attentive and help others. But we have not compensated for it with other principles or needs.
- Fear of generating conflict or to be labeled as rude: in this way, we do not prioritize our desires, we fear being perceived as selfish people, etc.
- Fear of rejection: The need for acceptance leads us to say “yes”, for fear of being excluded from our circle.
- Low self-esteem: The lower self-esteem we have, the harder it will be for us to say no.
- Avoid anxiety and discomfort that may cause conflict.
- Emotional dependence from other persons.
What consequences can there be for not saying no on time?
If we don’t know how to set limits, we disrespect ourselves.
- Our self-esteem decreases: Low self-esteem is both a cause and a consequence of this inability to say no. We feel bad about ourselves, lacking self-love.
- Feeling of inner loneliness: the person may feel alone, unloved.
- Feeling of failure: Giving up our desires continually leads us to this feeling.
Recommendations to learn to say no
- Lose the fear of criticism: It is impossible to please everyone. Be firm in your decisions, you have no obligation to do things you do not want to do.
- Prioritize your needs whenever you think it is convenient and do not allow yourself to be manipulated.
- Think carefully about what you are going to say: Take your time to give an answer, do not rush, if possible give yourself a period of time to reflect. This can give you time to better identify what you are feeling.
- Be kind: “Saying no” is an art. You must always behave with kindness and respect towards others, it is not necessary to be abrupt. If you do it kindly, you will feel better and it will be easier next time. And you will realize that, under normal conditions, you do not harm anyone or cause a conflict.
- Don’t give too many explanations: It is not necessary to justify yourself, just express yourself with sincerity and education.
- Learn to love and respect yourself: Prioritize your desires, balance the balance between giving to others and dedicating yourself to yourself. By putting your needs first you will not be selfish. And you don’t need everyone’s approval.
- Practice saying no whenever you consider it necessary. You will realize that people do not abandon you or stop loving you because of it.
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