Abuse towards women is a very cruel form of violence that, unfortunately, continues to exist in our society. As a society we have different responsibilities regarding this issue and we must not only educate with conscience but it is also in our hands to provide help to all those women who have been mistreated.
To do this, as it is a delicate issue, you must be duly informed on how to do it as best as possible without creating consequences or double victimization. In this Psychology-Online article we will address the topic in depth and learn about how to help an abused woman. We will see what the consequences of an abused woman are, how to help her psychologically and physically, what to do if she does not want to report it, how to open her eyes and how to start a relationship with a woman who has suffered abuse. We hope this article helps you.
Aftermath of an abused woman
The consequences can be of different kinds:
Psychological consequences
- Anxiety: Repeated and intermittent violence interspersed with moments of tenderness and affection create a lot of anxiety in women as well as continuous alert and tense responses.
- Depression, loss of self-esteem and feelings of guilt: When a woman is immersed in the cycle of violence, she believes that the behavior of the person who mistreats her is her responsibility and depends on her own way of behaving. This creates a lot of guilt and depression as she constantly tries to be well and everything fails.
- Social isolation: The social shame and the limits that the abuser imposes on the woman creates quite strong social isolation.
- Psychosomatic disorders: Chronic abuse causes different psychosomatic disorders in the victim such as hair loss, headaches, menstrual disorders… permanently. It is common for them to visit the doctor to ask questions of this type without talking about the true cause of the problem.
- Sexual disorders: If a woman experiences aggressive situations in sex, it is normal that she ends up creating an aversion to it and even ends up developing some type of sexual dysfunction.
Physical consequences
Breaks, bruises… All types of injuries derived from abuse and especially those related to gynecological disorders.
Sexual consequences
Sexual disorders: various studies indicate that the majority of abused women have problems in your sexual life and some even don’t want to have sex again. Furthermore, when attacks occur in sexual life within marriage, sexual dysfunctions such as or (muscle contraction that prevents penetration) can occur.
Economic consequences
The majority of women who suffer abuse are later forced to live with their families or rent; rebuilding their lives in terms of the economic and emancipatory environment is very difficult at first. The loss of working life It also influences the economy.
Social consequences
The same abuse can generate effects of shame on the victim Just as the abuser himself may seek to distance her from her social group. Normally, when they break with the situation, abused women usually find support in their closest group, which is family or trusted friends.
Work life is also influenced, since most women end up leaving their jobs because their husband forces them or for different reasons.
How to help a psychologically abused woman
There is a lot and very important what the victim’s environment can do to help the woman overcome the situation of psychological abuse and alleviate the possible future effects. Isolation is a serious risk factor for battered women, the aggressor will try to isolate her and separate her from her family and friends to increase her dependence on him. This must be avoided as much as possible.
How to help a friend who suffers from gender violence? Follow the following instructions:
- Wrap her up.
- Call her on the phone.
- Take care of her.
- Be very present.
- Create a “network” of friends and close family, taking turns to be in constant contact.
- Don’t get angry or offended if she shows annoyance at the calls. Have the next call be made by another person on the network.
- Do not allow the aggressor to isolate her, increasing the woman’s vulnerability, favoring situations of dominance and submission.
Remember that death threats, coercion, and in general, are punishable by law and therefore, family members, friends or neighbors who know about this situation can report it to the police if they believe it is appropriate. Something that is very good to know how to act, whether to report or not, is to ask yourself: Do you think it is okay to report the incident if the author was an unknown person? If the answer is yes, report.
That the person who commits the violence is known is an aggravating factor for the victim’s defenselessness, not a mitigating factor for his impunity. If the person calling you requesting help is the victim, we will proceed as follows:
- ask him where is it located she.
- Stay calm and, while you stay on the phone with her, have another trusted person come look for it.
- Call emergency service and don’t leave her alone.
How to help a physically abused woman
The way to help a physically abused woman is similar to the way to help a psychologically abused woman (normally, both things happen at the same time), but taking into account that she may have injuries that require hospital care and that her life is running special risk.
If the damage is serious and you ask for help or you just see it, It is important to take her to the emergency room, that she be cared for and recognized and that the doctors do their job in a relevant way to help her. On the other hand, if you yourself identify physical signs of abuse such as bruises or breaks, follow the following steps:
- Try to talk to someone close to you in your friendship group or support network who can corroborate or deny what you are observing.
- Go to the necessary and specialized Assistance Services in treating gender violence to receive the necessary information and know how to help in a concrete way.
How to help an abused woman who does not want to report
First of all, we must identify the abused woman. These are ten tips from Dr. Conde to identify when we are facing a case of abuse:
- They do not usually express their needs, always giving in to what the partner asks for.
- They appear submissive to their partner when we observe them and change their way of acting when the partner is in front of them to when they are alone.
- They do not make decisions without their partner’s consent.
- They make some kind of excuse: “I fell”, “I’m very absent-minded”, “I hit the door” if you discover a bruise or injury. They try to change the subject and this situation happens often.
- They present depressive, anxious and physical symptoms due to the stress they experience daily.
- They have a scarce social network of interactions. Stop participating in social activities.
- He justifies his partner if we talk to him about his behavior.
- You may have sleep problems, change eating patterns, gain or lose weight.
- He may have moved away from the family unit.
- You may have changed the way you dress or not interact with men, especially if your partner is in front of you.
Secondly, we must know what the cycle of this violence is like to understand why some abused women do not want to report it or have a hard time leaving the situation.
The cycle of violence
When many advertising campaigns incite and emphasize women to report, they forget something very important: It is not easy to get out of an abusive situation. per se and even less so in small municipalities, rural areas or places where prejudices are strong, family values clash with what happens and breaking the process of abuse becomes even more difficult.
This must be taken into account to help women in the appropriate way and to know what the cycle of violence is like:
- Outbreak of violence: the victim believes that she will be able to control the violence since it is usually less frequent and serious, often taking the form of emotional abuse: disqualifications, humiliations… The woman will try to accommodate herself to the aggressor so as not to be attacked and remain aware of her feelings. gestures, about what irritates her… thus forgetting about herself. It is usually during this period that the woman begins to isolate herself, often to avoid arguments.
- Honeymoon: The majority of aggressors combine aggressive behaviors with loving and accommodating periods that seek to convince the victim that these violent situations will not occur again. It is known as the Honeymoon within the cycle of violence. This is called double façade since it makes the victim believe that he is a man truly in love, deep down.
- Tension builds up and starts again: in the most advanced phase of abuse, the aggressor threatens the victim with very serious violent acts if she dares to abandon him. Here the children, if they exist, can be immersed in the threat of suicide of the aggressor himself who will seek to blame her…
So, how to help her if she doesn’t want to report
Once we know the cycle of violence and can understand what happens in a situation of abuse and why it is difficult to report it and get out of it, we ask ourselves, what can we do? First of all, it is important to listen to her, stay in her support circle, don’t leave her alone. You have to get involved, talk to more people around you to check if they have also seen the same thing.
The ideal is that they ask for help at a specialized center about their specific case so that they can be informed how to act, what to do… you should not be aggressive towards the woman or rudely incite them to report, they need to understand what is happening and Not everyone realizes it at first. The best is make them see that:
- Insults and disqualifications are mistreatment.
- Jealousy is not love.
- Control is not love.
- Abuse and hitting are not common ways to resolve problems in a couple.
If she herself does not decide to report and the situation is complicated, you must take the measures advised by experts that you consult to report yourselves so that the life of the abused woman is not put in danger.
It is a delicate problem that cannot be done in any way because in many cases, she and the children (if there are any) are in serious danger. It is important that you do not wait to see marks on your body, nor that you yourself believe that you are exaggerating. You are probably realizing the beginning of something that could become much more serious.
How to open the eyes of an abused woman
Dialogue, good communication and not abandoning it. Again, make him see that control, jealousy and abuse are not love. It is important to talk to the woman without being aggressive, make him see that what he is experiencing is not normal and above all that you are by his side to help him get out of this situation. If she finally decides to tell it or realizes what…