We share the advice of some experts to identify and treat this issue. Remember that the help of a specialist is key to moving forward. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
The wound of abandonment is very common in adulthoodin the midst of interpersonal relationships, but Its origin occurs in childhood (up to 3 years old) when the father or mother figure is absent, disappears or is not present and causes strong emotional or physical pain in the person. In fact, There are specialists who consider that abandonment can occur during pregnancy and the fetus can feel it through the emotional changes that the mother experiences.
At that point in life, the child who suffers from abandonment does not question the negative actions of his parents. On the contrary, he wonders or thinks that this action arises because something is wrong with him or because he is not enough to receive love.
Another reason for not questioning adults is because the child has a deep need to be with the family and at no time is there a change of perspective; However, the interpretation of reality changes because that influence adapts to a new dynamic, in that sense, experiences, personality and character are also “altered”.
In adulthood things can change and the person can understand that it was not their fault and, in that sense, you can make decisions such as talking to your parents, distancing yourself, or walking away completely.
Healing this wound of abandonment is crucial to being able to improve the way we relate to others, especially with our partners.
How does the wound of abandonment appear in relationships?
psychologist and writer highlights some signs that indicate that there may be a wound of abandonment because the person:
- Has a deep and constant need for acceptance and approval.
- All the time thoughts and scenarios of abandonment haunt.
- Despite the violence that may be exerted in the relationship, they stay out of fear.
- You overwhelms vulnerability or too much intimacy with someone.
- Has a preference constant to space and individuality.
- Seeks care, support and above all protection.
- Can adopt the role of victimeven going so far as to invent illnesses to receive care.
- Ask frequently, out of pleasure, not out of necessity; be the center of attention.
- It is difficult for her to function alone, there is an anguish of loneliness. And this gets worse as you get older.
- Has moments of sadness and easy crying.
- Experience a difficulty accepting ‘NO’ for an answer.
- Presents a taste for sex that is often used “as a weapon” so that the other person becomes attached to him or her.
How to heal?
- Accept it. This is the first step to heal this wound, it is not easy, but it is the starting point for change. Not doing so means that you will never realize that the relationship is over. and most likely you are emotionally attached to her.
- Write a letter to your injured child telling you that the abandonment or lack of affection was not because you were you or because you were not enough, but because the person who hurt you had his own pain and did not know how to love correctly.
- Deal with your feelings and emotions. Hugging them is key to being able to continue, express what you feel in time because ignoring it does not mean that it disappears. In fact, repressing it can alter the way you access memories. Don’t be afraid to cry if you feel like it, it’s a natural way to drain your frustration and prevents emotions from controlling you all day.
- Cultivate relationships in which you don’t have to ask for attention or affection.
- Chooseconsciously, and surround yourself with people who have proven that They care about you selflessly and will be there for you.
- Once you choose the people, trust them and make your inner child understand that things are already different. You can trust!
- Work on your self-esteem because it is normal that after so much time of sharing with someone she feels compromised. Proper and timely management will prevent episodes of depression and anxiety.
The support of a specialist can be of great help during this process.. Don’t close yourself off to this possibility of learning to channel your emotions. Accept that you need time to heal and that the process will not be linear. Be patient and don’t be afraid to come face to face with your ghostsis the only way you will be able to stand up and decide to bet on your stability.