Before starting a new relationship, it is essential to have completely closed the previous relationship and know with certainty that you no longer have feelings for the other person. This is necessary to build a new relationship, based on sincerity and mutual trust, and avoid conflictive situations or unpleasant moments for both due to the presence of the ex.
Therefore, in this Online Psychology article we inform you of How to act if your partner doesn’t set limits with his ex. This type of phenomenon is very common today on social networks, with behaviors in which exes remain connected through the platforms through comments or views.
Why doesn’t my partner set limits with his ex?
When a relationship ends and there is still some feeling for the other person or we have left something unresolved issue, it is very difficult to forget the other person and get them out of our minds. On these occasions, these people have their ex-partner very present and it is very difficult to set limits, since there is still something to resolve between them.
But this situation negatively influences the current relationship. This lack of boundaries involves constant arguments and conflicts between the couple, and makes the couple feel insecure and displaced. This can lead to scenes of jealousy, misunderstandings and difficulties in communication between both members of the couple.
Furthermore, if we add this to the presence of social networks, the situation for you can become very acute. Along with the absence of establishing limits to the ex, it can be understood as a lack of respect for the current partner and an obstacle to the proper growth of the relationship and positive feelings between both.
What to do if my partner doesn’t set limits with his ex
When your partner doesn’t set limits on his ex It is important to act from empathy to avoid aggravating the situation. Below are some tips so you know what to do in case you wonder “how to act, my partner doesn’t set limits on his ex”:
- Express how you feel: It is important that you use empathic communication as a bridge to understand the reason for his behavior, as well as express how you feel and what the fact that he does not set limits for his ex means to you. Through these types of conversations you help your partner reflect and realize what it means to you not to do it. In addition, it favors the development of fluid communication between both.
- Work on yourself: Taking care of our mental and physical health, to feel attractive and safe, is essential to avoid the appearance of scenes of jealousy and intrusive thoughts that feed back on our own insecurity. To be able to, it is essential to love yourself well in order to love others well.
- Be precise: When you have conversations about this problem, it is important that you say things respectfully but in a clear and concrete way so that there is no possibility of confusing the situation or creating misunderstandings.
- Prioritize: If you are in a romantic moment or in which you are enjoying with your partner and, for example, you receive a call or message from your ex, prioritize the moment. That is, avoid bringing up the subject, it is better to ignore the ex’s intrusion to continue enjoying the moment and prevent it from becoming a conflictive situation.
- Spot the positive: You also have to assess whether the decision not to set limits on your ex is due to protect you and the relationship that you have, since although it is not the best decision, he could act with good intentions.
- Set your own limits: It is essential that the relationship you currently have has clear limits and rules that allow it to function properly, and avoid situations that you do not want.
How to know if my partner is not over his ex
If you ask yourself “How to act if my partner doesn’t set limits with his ex?”, the first thing to do is identify the origin of that decision through communication between both of you. To do this, it is essential to rule out that it is because you still have feelings for your ex. The main signs that your partner still has feelings for his ex are the following:
- that your ex gave you or that remind you of him/her.
- He gets your name wrong, and calls you by his ex’s name several times.
- They keep in touch constant by calls and/or messages.
- Keep an eye on your ex on social media, that is, practice orbiting.
- They have face-to-face appointments that he supports in front of you with excuses.
- He gives gifts or has special details with his ex.
- Uses overly affectionate language with your ex.
- Organize outings with mutual friends.
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This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Bengoechea Uriarte, M. (2016). Path to cognitive, physical and emotional autonomy: study of a clinical case. Available at: https://repositorio.comillas.edu/xmlui/handle/11531/9715
- Yárnoz-Yaben, S. (2010). Psychological well-being in divorced parents: attachment style, perceived loneliness and concern for the ex-partner. Clinic and health, 21(1), 77-91. Available at: https://scielo.isciii.es/pdf/clinsa/v21n1/v21n1a07.pdf