The emotional and psychological bond that is generated with parents or caregivers during childhood is what we call attachment. This is a fundamental aspect for the child’s mental and emotional development, which will largely determine the way he interacts with others, including his own perception of himself and her self-esteem.
This bond grows through the mutual relationships between the mother (or father) and the baby, configuring the strongest bond of the human being. But it is a bond that must be built from love, empathy and openness, so that it can be considered a secure attachment. How is built?
John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory
Before delving into the construction of this link, let us briefly conceptualize this phenomenon. López and Ramírez define and explain in their (2005) psychiatrist Bowlby’s attachment theory. The theory was formulated during the 1960s, based on doctor’s observations of the development of early relationships in children.
The theory places the desire for a close emotional relationship as a specifically human element. defined attachment as “the process by which children establish and maintain a special relationship with another individual who is considered better able to cope with the world.” Thus, attachment has at its roots a necessarily emotional part but also a reason for survival. And this link, according to Kâchele (1993), also cited in the study, is the bridge between early development and later life relationships. In addition, attachment gives the child a feeling of security that allows him to separate from his caregivers and explore the environment around him.
For all these reasons, it is very important to build a type of secure attachment in our children, something that will serve them for life, since it is the basis on which they will build their future relationships as adults. And for this there are some things we can do.
If you value articles like this, consider supporting us by becoming a Pro subscriber. Subscribers enjoy access to members-only articles, materials, and webinars.
How to build a secure attachment in our children
There are different ways to build a secure attachment in our children. The best way to do this is by identifying and responding to your physical and emotional needs, from unconditional love and acceptance, but also incorporating limits and routines into your life. Some ways to build this attachment are:
emotional contact
Shows of affection must always be present, and this involves words of affirmation towards our little ones, positive verbalizations that remind them that we love them and that we are there for them. Affective contact also implies the ability to empathize with the child’s needs and offer them a stable, safe, happy and calm environment.
Physical contact
Furthermore, for children it is essential to have physical contact to feel safe. This involves holding the baby when she cries, kisses, hugs, caresses, and physical closeness. It is important for children to know that mom, dad, or their primary caregiver is always there for them, making them feel safe, protected, and loved.
The game: sharing quality time
There is no more valuable resource for our children’s learning than play, because through it we can generate important emotional bonds while promoting and enhancing motor, cognitive and social skills.
It’s not just a fun time; Play is essential for their integral development. Thus, playing with your children from the start, sharing quality time with them, is a crucial element in building that secure attachment.
The development of attachment: aspects to take into account
Let’s keep in mind that attachment also evolves with age. From 0 to 3 months of age, children do not show a preference for certain people, but they do require that their physical and emotional needs be met. It is not until 3-6 months that they begin to show a preference for being with the people who care for them, rejecting others.
From 6 months to a year, preferences are very clear and separation anxiety is generated, and there, once the attachment bond has been established, the child will begin to discover and experience their world while gaining independence from their caregivers.
Secure attachment: the basis for other attachments
Then we see how important it is during this stage to generate a positive attachment bond that allows our children to grow confident in themselves and in the emotional ties they have.
This implies a constant work of life, since there is no magic and quick formula to generate a type of secure attachment in our children; It is, in fact, a relationship of years that will be very important throughout their lives, because it will allow them to build healthy attachments with other people when they are older.
For this relationship to be formed, there must be a mental construction along with the emotional union that allows the child to establish that relationship with mom, dad or their caregivers, who must provide coherent and continuous behaviors that maintain privileged contact. Remember that:
“Not only small children, but also human beings of all ages, are happier and can deploy their talents more profitably when they trust in having the support of one or more people who will always come to their aid when emergencies arise.” difficulties”. Bowlby
References:
- Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base. Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books: A member of the Perseus Books Group.
- Kachele, H. (1993). Development, Attachment and Bond: New psychoanalytic concepts. Psychiatr Pol, 35(4), 549-71.
- López, C., & Ramirez, M. (2017). Attachment. Chilean Journal of Family Medicine, 6(1), 20-24. Recovered from http://revistachilena