Many adults have an apparently normal life, with their jobs, their families and their friends, but they carry a huge difficulty deepen their relationships and show themselves as they really are.
They act as they are supposed to, but they are not able to open up emotionally with the loved ones around them. They use what we call psychologists: a avoidant defense mechanism.
Why do some people hide their emotions?
These people are aware of their blocks and try to improve their relationships with others, but theyThey find themselves with a stop, with a brake, when they have to open up emotionally and show a part of their inner world.
- He doesn’t do it on purpose. We start from the premise that no one wants to hurt themselves on purpose or repeat actions that harm them voluntarily. If a person, for example, is unable to express himself or show his emotions, we must think that behind this blockage there is a very powerful reason. We may not be able to understand her in her present, but if we analyze her entire history, we will discover the true reasons for this behavior.
- It may be a way to avoid suffering. One of the most common causes that psychologists see in consultation for this “emotional confinement” is suffering. Hiding emotions and not showing oneself openly is an avoidance defense against situations that at some point caused some type of suffering. For example, if expressing emotions openly is a reason for ridicule or jokes in the family (or at school), the boy or girl will tend to hide them so as not to suffer the same humiliations again.
How emotional blockage happens: the case of Victoria
Today I want to tell you about the case of Victoria, a girl who confessed to having a huge emotional block, even with their closest relatives. She was a kind and nice girl, but she recognized that he always wore a mask when interacting with others. She was always watching what she did or what she said and was very careful not to enter sensitive terrain where she might be exposed.
Working on her story, Victoria told me that, as a child, she was an open and happy girl, who had no trouble making jokes or singing in front of her family. However, in therapy, she began to remember various situations, from the age of 5 or 6, in which received cruel criticism or ridicule from family members and also from some classmates.
At that time, a younger cousin than her began to take all the attention of the rest of the family. When Victoria tried to sing or dance, as she did before, she was no longer so welcome. Occasionally, her grandparents and uncles had made fun of her, comparing her to her little cousin. At school, when she started Primary school, she had also been teased for her “shocking” way of laughing.
As a result of these devastating experiences, little Victoria he began to hide and stop expressing himself as openly as he used to. He stopped interacting and deepening relationships and was distancing himself from others. She created a protective shell for herself to try to avoid the unpleasant situations that she had suffered before.
PBut that breastplate, with the passage of time, became his prison. Victoria became emotionally distant. If at any time, this defense mechanism had served as protection, she was causing him much more harm than good at present.
How to open up to others
As we usually do in therapy, our work focused on changing the old programming of the past, understanding that the response to hide made sense when she was little and she had no other way to defend herself in front of adults or in front of the class group. However, as an adult, she was capable of finding other, healthier ways of showing herself, reinforcing himself to become immune to the negative comments of others.
Victoria understood that there was no point in worrying about the ridicule or criticism of people anymore I didn’t even know her. Even those who made fun of her in the past hadn’t bothered to meet her and didn’t care about her feelings.
As she focused on herself and connected with what she felt and what she wanted to do, Victoria stopped looking outside with concern or fear. Nothing they said to her could affect her if she was very sure and confident of what she liked and what she felt.
When she felt safest, less control others had over her. There was no point in hiding from the others anymore, they couldn’t hurt her anymore.