After this Christmas you will have had the opportunity to reunite with the family and enjoy these endearing holidays. However, things do not always turn out as one expects. The family is not chosen and on many occasions people are very different and we may feel that we do not have much in common with some people in the family. Discrepancy on some issues, incompatibility or some friction or disputes from the past can make these types of meetings bitter and generate an atmosphere that we do not want.
Often in psychological therapy, psychologists encounter people who suffer from difficulties in their relationships with their own or in-laws. This negative interaction can become very difficult for the person to tolerate. If you suffer from any of these situations, they trigger a worsening of your symptoms. We have also observed that these difficulties can cause and aggravate family
If this has been your case and you want this to not happen again, I offer you some guidelines that can help you manage future encounters:
- Before going to the meeting, the first thing you have to ask yourself is what the objective of the meeting is and what you hope to achieve from it. Keep it in mind and once you are there try to act consistently with that objective. For example, if your goal is to have a pleasant time with them, behave in a pleasant way. We cannot expect something to happen spontaneously without getting involved and making an effort to achieve it.
- Watch your expectations. If you go into the meeting thinking that something is going to go wrong, you will be increasing the probability of that happening. Your focus of attention will be directed to perceive what fits with your negative expectations and there will be many other things that will go unnoticed by you. Try to assess the situation based on what you are experiencing at the moment, avoiding anticipations about things that have not yet happened.
- Express yourself, but don’t try to get others to adopt your point of view. You may disagree on many issues or opinions. Negative emotions will begin to arise when by expressing your disagreement, you try to change the point of view of others. In most cases, the only thing that is achieved is to awaken feelings of anger and frustration, emotions that are really complex to control. Therefore, your goal will be to express what you think in a respectful way without needing to obtain an approving response.
- If you get out of control, take a break. When you experience negative emotions there are certain signs that can indicate their appearance before they become too intense. Signs can be physical, such as increased heart rate, intense heat, muscle tension, etc. But some uncontrollable negative thoughts may also appear. Try to identify the signs that appear in your case; it will help you analyze situations from the past that have generated these types of emotions. If this happens to you at a family gathering, at the first symptoms, try to temporarily leave the room or space in which you are. Do this until those emotions have subsided. If going out physically is not possible, breathe and take some time before speaking or acting, try to think if what you are going to do or say is the result of a negative impulse that can have important consequences.
- Avoid talking about controversial topics. There are certain topics that can generate conflict due to the discrepancies they generate. These can be politics, religion, football, etc. Learn from your family experience and assess whether these issues have been the source of disputes. If this is the case, it is better to avoid them.
If, despite implementing these guidelines, you notice that problems in interacting with family members continue to affect you greatly and you do not know how to get out of that situation, you should know that today psychology provides useful tools to resolve these difficulties. You can benefit from training in which you learn to defend your rights in an appropriate way, also respecting those of others, as well as an intervention that adapts to your difficulties and objectives.
We invite you to visit, a center specialized in psychology in Madrid, Spain.
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