People who enter into a relationship with someone living with borderline personality disorder have a number of challenges. Advice from an expert.
Borderline personality disorder refers to a “dominant pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image and emotions, and intense impulsivity” (American Psychiatric Association, 2013, p. 364).
These patterns usually appear at the beginning of adulthood, and can be reflected in different behaviors. Some of them are:
- Intense and unstable interpersonal relationships that can move between idealization and devaluation.
- Impulsivity in different areas (diet, substance use, expenses, sexual behaviors, etc.).
- Self-harm behaviors and ideas and behaviors associated with suicide.
- Instability in self-image.
- Inappropriate and intense anger.
- Mood instability (intense episodes of euphoria, irritability, anxiety).
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Normally people with this diagnosis face many difficulties in identifying, regulating and communicating what they feel to their loved ones, and this ends up affecting these people as well.
Ideas for managing your relationship with a person who has borderline personality disorder (BPD)
- Find out about their situation: If your partner is open to share with you some aspects of your diagnosis, symptoms, psychological and psychiatric treatment Listen carefully and be open to investigating on your own as well.. Try to consult with professionals and have information that helps you understand their experience, something that will allow you respond in a more empathetic way to different situations.
- Communicate assertively: Communication is very important in all relationships. sufficient and assertive, Don’t wait for conflicts to break out to talk about what hurts or bothers you. We can often be afraid to bring an uncomfortable topic to the table when things are calm, but For the relationship to meet the expectations and needs of each one, it is essential that both know how they are going and if they need to make changes.. They must reach agreements about how handle difficult topics and know how both can be feel supported in case of conflict.
- Avoid immediately relating all of your partner’s reactions to their diagnosis: Although a diagnosis offers us a framework to understand the situation, one of the most complicated parts is that sometimes it prevents us from seeing beyond it. Your partner may feel sad or angry for many reasons beyond it being a symptom of BPD.. always try listen to him and put yourself in his shoes. Sometimes you may not understand or share the reasons for their reaction, but remember that this happens in all relationships.
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- Remember the idea is to build a symmetrical relationship: This means that your responsibility for the other person has limits, it is important not to let the couple’s dynamics blur. Depending on the way it manifests and the person’s context, someone diagnosed with BPD may have a very intense emotional experience and be exposed to many risks. ANDIt is natural to want to take care of the other person and seek their well-being; However, this desire to protect the other can lead us to feel like we are only the “protective” person.
Feeling responsible for the life and stability of the other person has led many to want putting an end to your relationship or even not feeling able to end your relationship for fear of hurting the other person. Remember that your role as a couple has limits, and It is not your responsibility to keep the other person happy and stable.. Of course, it is necessary to try not to be hurtful and support your partner as much as possible, finally, keep in mind that the well-being of a person It is not reduced to the bond of a couple, and It is related to different sources of support: psychological, psychiatric, family, network of friends, job stability, community relationships, among many others.
- Promotes self-care spaces: For the same reasons as the previous point, in periods where your partner is in crisis it is normal for you to feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Note that you also need to be taken care of. Don’t rule out the possibility of requesting professional support for yourself. if you feel that you require it, but Also look for spaces with your family, your circle of friends, your favorite activities and everything that makes you feel good..
References:
- American Psychiatric Association (2013). Borderline personality disorder. In Reference guide to the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria. (p. 364). Arlington, VA.