Child development experts have long believed that when a mother cares about her children, their children can face challenges more easily because they know that their mother will always be there worrying about them. In that sense, the child is freed because she knows that her parents will prevent him from doing something that is too risky or that is not best for him.
This is one of the positive aspects of worrying about children since it allows them to put their worries aside, get out of their comfort zone, acquire new knowledge, enjoy adventures and enjoy their childhood. In this Psychology-Online article, we will talk about excessive worry about children and what to do with her.
When does a concern for children become pathological?
We offer you some common concerns and the point at which they can become excessive and even pathological worry.
1. Parents often have reasonable concerns about their children’s good health and nutrition.
It is a parents’ duty as long as it is not so excessive that it worries them too much, generates undue anxiety and, in turn, instead of freeing their child to enjoy a good diet and snacks from time to time, focus your attention excessively on food intake. This can lead to feeding problems in certain sensitive children who interpret excessive planning by their parents as worrying.
There are some parents who worry excessively about food and make children anxious about being too fat or thin, too healthy, unhealthy, or begin to gain weight and lose weight cyclically or use food as a form of emotional escape. It is a factor that must be treated to prevent it from affecting children in a negative way.
2. The education of your children
It is essential that parents worry about finding good learning environments for your children at school and outside of school.
When children are older, they begin to feel competition and face grades, exams, and may need their parents to remind them that learning is fun, intriguing, and something you do for yourself to enjoy life.
But some parents worry excessively about this issue when they feel the need to check their child’s homework every night even though they know that they are a good student, reward or punish for certain grades, compare their child with other children and, in fact, They can create problems where there really are none.
Techniques against excessive worry
Below, we present the most effective techniques to know what to do when dealing with excessive worry about your children:
Put things in perspective
Most of the time worry is usually rooted in fear. Worrying is a way of wasting energy and we must keep in mind that the things that worry us the most do not have to happen. So instead of focusing on “what if…” we should consider that many problems are temporary and what will happen.
Think the worst that can happen just for a second
Ask yourself how real the worst-case scenario is. This way you can realize that you are thinking in a very exaggerated way.
Take action
We tend to worry more when we feel like things are out of our control, but there are certain things that we can make a plan or strategies for and decrease our worry about them because we increase our sense of control. So if you identify what the problem really is, why you are worried and look for some ways to change itin this way your worry will decrease.
Take your time
If a problem needs your immediate attention, you should address it, but sometimes letting go of your worries and waiting a while to think about it is the best solution. If they are real problems they won’t go away, but if we focus on the little things that worry us, then we won’t be able to deal with what we have at hand.
Breathe, meditate and relax
When you’re stressed, you’re less likely to be able to find a valid solution. Furthermore, you will not be able to stop worrying if you are physically and mentally in a state of stress. By taking 5 minutes to breathe deeply, meditate, or practice, you can relax and gain the clarity we need to move forward.
Give up control
Sometimes there is no clear solution to a certain situation or you just need to let your child figure it out themselves. You won’t always be able to rescue your child, you must function more as a guide.
Do not project
When we are worried about something it is important to take a step back and decide if you are projecting your feelings onto your child or if it is really something to worry about.
How does excessive worry affect the relationship between parents and children?
In a scientific study focused on the influence of worries in the context of child-parent relationships in which older children between 22 and 49 years old (110 daughters and 103 sons) and their fathers and mothers between 40 and 84 years old participated.
- It was found that the concern seemed reflect people’s investment in relationships. Parents and adult children felt more positive about their relationships when the other party cared about them and conveyed their concerns. However, at a certain point the more worried about each other both parties argue about those concerns, the more negatively the other party views the relationship.
- In a way, this is social and emotional support to worry and share concerns, but we must do it in a way that does not make the other person feel incapable of managing their own affairs, as they may feel that we are undermining their autonomy. and maintaining autonomy is important in the bonds between parents and children.
- In the study, 70% of adult children stated that his parents’ health was his biggest concern (even if their parents were not elderly or had health problems), while parents expressed a wide range of concerns related to their children (health, financial situation, work, family…).
- The authors of this study indicate that parents worry about their adult children as a continuation of patterns that developed early in their relationship, since when children are young, parents are responsible for much of their lives, probably worrying about a variety of things that they are not likely to suddenly stop once that their children become adults.
- Furthermore, the study found that daughters cared more about their mother than their fatherwhile the children did not show differences between mother and father.
So this study confirms that worry continues to be a very important part of family relationships once children grow up and move away. We could say that to a certain extent it’s normal to worry for children, even if they are adults or worrying about parents, even before they are older and have health problems.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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