Is it difficult for you put limits in your personal, work or social life? Do you know how to say no? Do you feel guilty if you do it or reject any proposal? If so, you are not attending to your true needs, perhaps you are prioritizing those of others over your own. Maybe you are afraid of rejection…
If we take charge of everything or are over-involved in other people’s problems, we are not setting limits.
What is setting limits?
Basically, in Psychology “setting limits” is understood as clearly expressing to others what we need and what we want. Always taking into account the needs and desires of others as well.
That is, by setting limits we establish boundaries that we do not want others to cross. We put up self-protection barriers at the right times, it is our right. It is an obligation that we contract with ourselves, which allows us to protect ourselves from abuse and attend to our own needs.
Our limits include physical, mental and emotional place where we feel safe, our private refuge.
Setting limits can be considered an act of love, from the person towards themselves and also towards others.
It is a process that requires perseverance and in which progress is usually made gradually, little by little.
Let’s not confuse setting limits with being selfish. It’s more about striking a balance.
What are the benefits of setting limits?
- Greater self-knowledge
- Greater self-respect
- Increased self-esteem
- Healthier, more balanced relationships
- We enhance personal well-being
- Greater self-confidence and responsibility
How to set limits
Identify your limits
A necessary prior step to be able to set limits is knowing how to identify them. To do this, you need to know your emotions, your needs, what things you accept in your life and what you don’t, what makes you feel good, etc.
Accept yourself
Give yourself your own affection. Often, society tells us that acceptance must come exclusively from outside, but this is not true; Furthermore, it is impossible to enjoy mass approval. Love and acceptance must also live inside you.
Set limits for yourself too
Establish your own agreements with yourself and respect them, so that you can always be in that mental or emotional place where you want to be.
Say no when you need to
Learn to respond with assertiveness, in a kind and respectful way, but also firm and direct. With clarity and empathy, providing alternative solutions to resolve any problem if you consider it necessary.
Do not think that by saying no you are going to lose people’s affection or generate a conflict.
Make your own decisions
Advice and recommendations can be very valuable, but they do not have the status of rules or laws. You don’t have to wait for anyone’s approval to do something, you are the person who should direct your life.
Do you know how to receive and understand the limits of others?
In the same way that we establish limits, we have to accept and respect the limits that others set for us, receiving them without being offended is an exercise in pure coherence with oneself.
We should not interpret that we are being rejected. They are not ignoring you or downplaying you, you simply have to understand that people have space to take care of themselves and that you have no right to intervene in other people’s lives without their permission.
If you think you may have a problem in this regard that affects your psycho-emotional life, do not hesitate to seek professional help.
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