Toxic relationships are those emotional ties that generate intense emotional pain and a dependency that can extend to unthinkable limits. In general terms, in this type of relationships, the predominance of extremely harmful behavior patterns in which exacerbated suffering persists is common. This modality occurs especially in relationships that become violent, abusive and controlling. Although the most appropriate thing in these cases is to definitively break ties with someone who is toxic, some people decide to resume these ties that do not generate any well-being, believing that they can improve.
In this Psychology-Online article we will explain if toxic relationships always come back.
Why toxic relationships always come back
Although toxic relationships do not always return and some people manage to walk away and look for a healthier and happier situation, there are some factors that can influence when deciding to resume an emotional bond with someone who has caused harm. Next, we will explain why toxic relationships always come back:
- Traumatic experiences: Some people are exposed to situations of family violence during their childhood that are naturalized, such as physical abuse, controlling attitudes, impulsivity, verbal humiliation, among others. These traumatic situations will be incorporated as behavioral patterns during adulthood.
- Pleasure in pain: Many human beings have a tendency to idealize situations that are painful as a defense mechanism. This produces an illusion that the other person can change their way of being, even if there is sufficient evidence of the damage they cause. In this way, an unconscious pleasure arises to suffer.
- Emotional dependence: Emotional dependence can lead to constantly looking for someone who causes great discomfort. On many occasions, the return of a toxic relationship is associated with the anguish of confronting loneliness.
- Control attitudes: In general, toxic relationships are made up of one person who plays a submissive role and another who controls. The need to have the person under control implies an attitude of domination over the actions, emotions and behaviors that emerge.
- Fear of change: Distancing yourself from a toxic relationship is not an easy task, as it involves many life changes. However, this can lead to difficulty adapting to new situations that are intolerable.
In this article we explain to you.
What to do when you get back into a toxic relationship
Although the most advisable thing in this type of situation is to avoid returning to a toxic relationship, on some occasions it may be inevitable. However, there are some alternatives that allow a way out of them. In this section, we will tell you what to do when you return to a toxic relationship:
- Accept that the person will not change: Taking this idea as a starting point is essential to avoid any action that negatively influences the decision to be made. Given this, knowing that there will be no change in personality helps to avoid falling into false expectations.
- See a mental health professional: Sometimes toxic relationships produce ideas that are not consistent with reality. In this sense, it is preferable to carry out psychological therapy that invites you to reflect on the virtues and defects that come into play when approaching a relationship as a couple.
- Seek emotional support: In this type of relationship, it is common for social isolation to occur in order to remain with the person who causes harm. The social and family environment can help to contemplate the situations that occur from another perspective, as well as to be a support in adversity.
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How to avoid returning to a toxic relationship
Leaving a toxic relationship is complex and painful, but it is worth doing it to live with greater peace of mind. However, one of the most important challenges is to avoid a return to this modality. For this reason, we will talk about some tips to avoid it:
- Prioritize your own virtues over your defects: Personal assessment is important since toxic relationships emphasize constant contempt. Self-knowledge involves knowing about what causes suffering in order to avoid it.
- Learn from past situations: When trying to return to a harmful bond, it is crucial to take into account the experiences that occurred in the past to learn from them. In this sense, questioning the actions that happened helps to maintain a safe distance.
- Reflect on healthy bondsIn contrast to toxic relationships, an alternative is to think about the qualities that people may present, since this allows us to understand what we are looking for in future relationships.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Venegas Cerda, D. (2021). Toxic relationships, victims and perpetrators: gender and power differentials in the construction of narratives of violence in young couples. Pontifical Catholic University of Chile. Faculty of Social Sciences, Institute of Sociology.