The three different communication styles are passive, aggressive and assertive. The styles form a continuum, with the passive and aggressive styles being the two extremes and the assertive style being the middle point, that is, the optimal degree. Assertiveness is a way of communicating with others that is essential to have quality social relationships. With the aim that you can identify them, in this Psychology-Online article, we expose the characteristics or profile of an assertive and non-assertive person.
Characteristics of assertiveness
What is assertiveness? The definition of assertiveness consists of a set of practical social and communication skills. Assertive communication is based on I respect towards all parties and its objective is to negotiate an intermediate point between various positions. One of the most important characteristics of assertiveness and assertive attitude is the balance what it seeks and what it contributes to communication. Its benefits are notable, as they allow you to improve communication and maintain healthier relationships and satisfactory. Likewise, it also contributes to strengthening self-esteem, since self-respect is a basic pillar for assertiveness.
The assertiveness or assertive attitude It consists of expressing and defending one’s opinion, a point of view or ideas, taking into account one’s own rights, but also those of others. By respecting the other’s point of view, assertiveness fosters understanding and empathy and allows us to reach a common point.
In the graph below, we can see that assertiveness is the middle point of the continuum of communication styles, whose extremes and opposite poles are aggressive communication and passive communication. Both are considered non-assertive communication styles.
Characteristics of an assertive person
People’s communication fluctuates on this continuum depending on situations and circumstances, but they have a general tendency toward a communicative style. For example, assertive people may sometimes adopt an attitude characteristic of the passive or aggressive communication style. However, they are categorized into the assertive communication style because they show a general tendency to relate assertively. With the following description and list of features, you will be able to identify an assertive person easily.
Assertive person: definition
What is an assertive person? The assertive people They are those who practice an assertive communication style. Assertive behavior is based on respect for others and for oneself. Assertive people know their own rights and defend them, respecting others, that is, they are not going to “win”, but rather “reach an agreement.” They follow the method I win, you win.
Assertive person: characteristics
What are the characteristics of an assertive person? The qualities of an assertive person are the following:
- Speak calmly and directly. In an assertive person we can observe fluidity, adequate volume and speed, security, direct eye contact, body relaxation, postural comfort and the absence of blocks or fillers. His facial expression is friendly and he smiles frequently. He makes pauses and silences. He says what he wants to say directly. He knows how to give and receive praise, and also ask and answer questions appropriately. His gestures are firm but not abrupt.
- Express your thoughts and opinions. The assertive person is able to express what he thinks and what he believes, even if his opinions differ from those of the rest. He can talk openly and honestly about his likes and interests. He is able to express disagreement with others and say “no.”
- Respect the opinions of others. An assertive person knows how to accept their mistakes and knows how to respect the position of others, even if they do not share it.
- Express your feelings. Assertive people are able to express both positive and negative feelings.
- It takes into account the rights of everyone. Assertive people know and believe in rights for themselves and others. They defend their own while respecting those of others. They do not get too close to their interlocutor, but rather respect their personal space.
- Act adaptively. The assertive person adapts to the context and acts in the most effective way in each situation.
- He has a healthy self-esteem. The assertive person does not feel inferior or superior to others, they do not need to prove anything through aggressive communication. and he does not intend to hurt others.
- They communicate from serenity. Another quality of assertive people is that they speak calmly and when the emotional intensity has decreased, producing a feeling of emotional control.
- Your goal is the middle point. An assertive person is not interested in getting what they want at any price, but rather in reaching an agreement between the two parties and that both parties benefit.
- Has satisfactory and fruitful interpersonal relationships. Assertive people enjoy interpersonal relationships. Their way of communicating encourages them to be well valued by others and makes it easier for them to have a social support network.
Assertive person: examples
An example of dialogue with an assertive person:
- Person 1: “Hello! Have you brought me the book I left you?”
- Person 2: “I didn’t bring it, I forgot it again.”
- Person 1: “I understand that you are busy with many things, but I need the book and many times you forget, what do you think if I send you a message tomorrow to remind you?”
- Person 2: “Perfect!”
Am I an assertive person?
To know if you are an assertive person, you can take the following test for free, online and with immediate results.
Characteristics of a non-assertive person: passive communication
A non-assertive person is one who has a tendency towards an assertive communication style, that is, passive or aggressive. Below we will see these communication styles in detail.
Passive communication: characteristics
The characteristics of a passive person are the following:
- He speaks little and low. In a passive person we can observe that he speaks with a low voice volume and not very fluently, he presents blocks, stutters, hesitations, silences and fillers. People with a passive communication style use the words “maybe” and “I guess” a lot. They ask few questions and answer with few words. They speak quickly and unclearly. They do not maintain eye contact, their eyes are lowered, their face is tense, their teeth are clenched and their lips are trembling, their hands are nervous, and their posture is tense and uncomfortable. They smile little and make nervous movements.
- He does not express his thoughts and opinions. The passive person is not able to express what he thinks and what he believes, especially if his opinions differ from those of the rest.
- Puts the opinions of others first. A passive person respects the opinions of others and puts them before their own. This way you avoid bothering or offending others. They are “sacrificing” people who live worried about satisfying others.
- He doesn’t express his feelings. Passive people often feel misunderstood, manipulated and not taken into account, but they do not express it. Therefore they present emotional dishonesty. Even if they get angry, they do not show anger or disagreement, they do not express their true feelings. In the following article you will find.
- Takes into account the rights of others. Passive people put the rights of others first, overriding their own. They respect others scrupulously but do not respect themselves.
- Act from fear. The passive person feels insecure and does not want to bother others.
- He has low self-esteem. The passive person has the , they do not feel good about themselves and therefore need to be loved and appreciated by everyone. Consequently, she acts to please others.
- They hold others responsible. Passive people frequently complain about others: “X doesn’t understand me”, “Y is selfish and takes advantage of me”, etc.
- Your goal is not to anger. A passive person is terrified of conflict, does not know how to deal with disagreement with others, and is unable to think about the possibility of confronting someone. Therefore, he prioritizes the opinions and wishes of others at any cost.
- He has unhealthy interpersonal relationships. Passive people cannot enjoy social relationships. Maintaining this communication style causes frequent feelings of anxiety, frustration, sadness and helplessness.
Passive communication: example
An example of common responses by a passive person is the following:
- Person 1: “Hello! Have you brought me the book I left you?”
- Person 2: “I didn’t bring it, I forgot it again.”
- Person 1: “Well, it’s okay, it doesn’t matter.”
- Person 2: “It doesn’t bother you, does it?”
- Person 1: “Well, I needed it today, but whatever.”
- Person 2: “Well, I’ll bring it to you tomorrow, okay?”
- Person 1: “Okay.”
Characteristics of a non-assertive person: aggressive communication
Non-assertive people are those who have a tendency to behave passively or aggressively. The aggressive communication style is the opposite of the passive, it is the other end of the continuum. At both ends, the ideal would be to work towards getting closer to the center.
Aggressive communication: characteristics
The characteristics of an aggressive person are the following:
- He speaks a lot and loudly. In an aggressive person we can observe that they speak with a high volume of voice, quickly and sharply. He uses imperatives and derogatory language with profanity and even insults and threats. Ask a lot of linked questions and respond quickly. A defiant attitude is perceived in eye contact. He usually shows his face and hands tense and adopts a body posture that invades the personal space of the interlocutor, so that he feels invaded and intimidated. He gestures with threatening movements.
- Express your thoughts and opinions without a filter. The aggressive person expresses what he thinks and believes without taking into account the feelings of others.
- Put your opinions and desires first. An aggressive person expresses their desires and opinions as the only valid options. He does not respect the opinions of others. Sometimes he doesn’t even allow them to express them.
- Expresses his emotions in an uncontrolled way. Aggressive people often present sudden, excessive outbursts of aggressiveness. These outbursts are usually quite uncontrolled, since they are the result of an accumulation of tensions and hostility. He lacks social skills to regulate his expression.
- Does not take into account the rights of others. Aggressive people defend their interests without respecting the rights of others.
- Act from fear. The aggressive person thinks that if they do not behave in this way, they are excessively vulnerable.
- He has low self-esteem. The aggressive person does not feel good about themselves and therefore needs to be respected by others, defend themselves by attacking and “win” the other in communication.
- He doesn’t listen. The aggressive person communicates in a one-way manner, does not listen and has an attitude of contempt towards others.
- Your goal is to win. An aggressive person…