In popular culture, love has traditionally been related to the unconditional union with another person, who loves, respects, desires and accepts you above all else. We are all familiar with the great romantic ideas about the soul mate, the better half, your other half. However, nowadays there are more and more voices advocating other ways of conceiving love and relationships. Perhaps one of the best known is the one that shows that no person is capable of satisfying all the emotional and sexual needs of another, so they would turn to several people to cover them. That is, they advocate the existence of several loves. We are talking about polyamory, but what exactly does it consist of? Can you love two people at the same time? Is polyamory for people who don’t commit? In Psychology-Online we tell you.
Polyamory
Polyamory is a form of “non-monogamy” agreed upon by all parties through which women and men establish intimate, emotional and/or sexual relationships with several people at the same time. Polyamory is different from other forms of open relationships, such as swinging, which involves couples having casual sex outside of the relationship, specifically without any emotional attachment. It is also often confused with polygamy, a practice in which an individual establishes marriage with several people at the same time.
The people who practice polyamory They may or may not be married, but the fundamental difference with polygamy is that it is often practiced as polygyny, that is, when a man establishes marriage with multiple women. Generally, in these relationships, women are not allowed to have additional male partners and are prohibited from having sexual relations with each other. Polyamory, in contrast, allows women to have multiple couples, just like men. Furthermore, polygamy is often closely linked to religion, which may or may not be present in the case of polyamory.
Can you be in love with two people at the same time?
In the previous section, we have established the basic differences between polyamory, partner swapping and polygamy. Thus, as has been said, to establish several polyamorous relationships, the knowledge and consent of all the parties involved is necessary and that certain levels of intimacy exist in all of them. In this section, the objective is to go one step further: Can you be in love with two people at the same time? Can you be in love with two men at the same time? Can you be in love with several people at the same time without betraying any of them?
One of the fundamental characteristics of polyamory is that the idea of exclusivity is rejected, and any of the members of the relationship can have multiple partners of any gender. This idea clashes head-on with the romantic notions widely spread in Western society related to fidelity, loyalty and commitment. When we turn our backs on other potential lovers, we are confirming to our partner how special they are to us. In a world where it is so easy to be fired, lose friendships, forget relationships, go unnoticed, etc. Monogamy takes on an unparalleled importance: it confirms that, at the end of the day, you are special, at least to your partner.
However, advocates of polyamory put romantic ideals questioned related to monogamy, manifesting the following paradox: as the need for fidelity intensifies, so does the . The burden of delegating all our emotional needs and sexual desires would be unbearable for a single person. Thus, one of the main arguments that proponents of polyamory use is the notion that the emotional and sexual needs of some people could be better satisfied with more than one person. This would also work in reverse, relieving the pressure of having to meet all of another person’s needs. Thus, a tired relationship could find fresh air and renewed energy.
In this way, people involved in polyamorous relationships yes you can be in love with two people at the same timeto the extent that each couple makes different contributions, contributing to their emotional bond, at the same time that there is space between them, since the couple is involved with a third party, which fosters desire.
Can you love two people at the same time?
A large part of society that outright rejects the idea of polyamory questions whether people can fall in love with several people at the same time. It’s possible Love two people at the same time and not be crazy? How is it possible to maintain several relationships at the same time? How is it possible to commit to more than one person?
According to , love would have three basic components: intimacy, passion and commitment.
- The intimacy It is related to proximity, connection and emotional ties.
- The passion It alludes to the intense desire and union with the other couple.
- Commitment It is the element by which the couple decides to stay together in the long term.
Thus, defenders of polyamory maintain that It would be possible to maintain several relationships at the same time in which the three aforementioned characteristics occur. To do this, they establish a fundamental difference between sexual fidelity and emotional commitment. In this way, there would be significant commitment in many polyamorous relationships, but not exclusively. They achieve this by investing large amounts of time and effort to maintain such healthy relationships, even trying to learn new communication skills, analyzing their problems and actively seeking satisfactory solutions.
Therefore, communication is the fundamental pillar they rely on, because they need to manage potential jealousy as it arises, as well as clearly define their boundaries. Polyamorous people commit to treating each other well, telling each other the truth, helping each other grow, and supporting each other during difficult times. Its defenders show that polyamory requires more words than the traditional relationship, since they spend a lot of time explaining themselves, telling each of the couples their feelings and everything that happens.
Thus, through polyamory, the people involved state that it is possible to love several people at the same timebecause this way of bonding contributes to significantly eliminating what Dan Savage points out as disadvantages of monogamy: boredom, desperation, lack of variety, “sexual death” and taking the other person for granted.
Choose between two people?
A frequently asked question regarding polyamory is whether it is a form of experimentation, in which a person meets several people over a period of time, and then chooses a partner: with whom they have formed a bond of greater intensity, have more things in mind. common, can establish future plans, etc. The answer to this question, according to its defenders, is no. Polyamory is based on the absence of ranksthat is, there are no first or second places, in order to try to prevent rivalries and , since everyone would be clear about their contribution to the relationship.
Does polyamory work?
polyamory is a way to understand love relationships, which provides an outlet for people who do not feel comfortable in traditional models that do not encompass the enormous variety of sexual and gender diversity that exists today. Whether polyamory works, as with any other relationship, depends on the people involved and how they handle themselves. Thus, polyamory is not for everyone. It can be a complex and intense relationship style which requires time and dedication to maintain. Many people may prefer the simplicity, security, and exclusivity of monogamy.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
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- Perel, E. (2017). The state of affairs: Rethinking infidelity-A book for anyone who has ever loved. Hachette UK.
- Sternberg, R.J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological review, 93(2), 119.
- Sheff, Elisabeth. The polyamorists next door: Inside multiple-partner relationships and families. Rowman & Littlefield, 2013.
- Sheff, E. (2011). Polyamorous families, same-sex marriage, and the slippery slope. Journal of Contemporary Ethnography, 40(5), 487-520.