Attraction and desire constitute great unknown mysteries that we talk little about. There are different types of attraction and levels or nuances. The attraction we feel for someone is always different from what we may feel for someone else, and so how can we know if what we feel is attraction or not?
In this Psychology-Online article, we will clarify what attraction is, we will talk about the differences between physical emotional attraction and emotional attraction and we will answer one of the most frequent questions that arises when we talk about this type of topic: Can you feel emotional attraction but not physical? Keep reading to find out the answer.
What is attraction
To begin to clarify ourselves in these uncertain areas, we are going to define attraction as the strength or ability that a person has to attract our attention, please us and make us experience strong emotionswhich make us want to be close to it and/or actively seek it, emotions that sometimes even become uncontrollable or annoying because they invade us and we cannot handle or manage them as we would like.
The etymology of the word attraction comes from Latin “attractio” and refers to the action of bringing towards oneself someone or something that seems attractive to us or that we like, whether for physical, sexual, emotional, romantic, intellectual, sensory or friendly reasons. It is “something” that moves or directs us in a certain direction, that is, attraction drags us to search for the desired object.
Differences between physical and emotional attraction
The reasons why we like someone and find them attractive can be many and can range from something sensory, physical or sexual to something more loving, romantic, friendly or sentimental.
How can we differentiate what type of attraction we feel for the other person? Next, we see the differences between physical and emotional attraction:
1. Physical attraction
Physical attraction is the one we know the most about. It is that sensation that we experience for another that attracts us for conscious or unconscious reasons and that strongly moves us to seek an encounter and connection on a sexual or sensory level. Initially, We seek to be close to that other and generate physical encounters. with him, through physical contact, friction, caresses, cuddles, etc.
The level of intensity of this attraction will depend on the level of contact with the other, the relationship that is generated with them and the fantasies that can be generated around that person.
- Conscious physical attraction: the other seems attractive to us and that is why it attracts our attention, we seek to generate a closeness with him.
- Unconscious physical attraction: It is when we love the other and we don’t know why, when we feel a certain chemistry or connection that we don’t understand very clearly nor can we explain. We are looking for a sexual encounter and connection, but there is something much stronger that moves us to want to seek that encounter with someone else.
2. Emotional or romantic attraction
Emotional attraction is the desire to be close to another person who He attracts us for his way of being, values, for his personality, for his way of acting, for his intellectual attributes., etc. We seek to be close to this person and generate a connection with them for something that goes beyond the merely physical. Many times this type of attraction is closely linked to deeper emotions. This type of attraction is closely linked to the feeling of admiration for the other person with whom one seeks to have a romantic relationship and a special connection, which goes beyond the merely sexual.
We believe that this person has a lot to contribute and teach us and we want to spend our time with them.
Can you feel emotional attraction, but not physical attraction for a person?
Love and what initially unites us with a partner is a mixture of physical attraction and romantic attraction. Regardless of which comes first and which comes later, both are present at the beginning of every relationship. The other draws our attention for something physical and for something emotional and it is that mixture of ingredients that directs us to want to establish a loving relationship. Since we find things in that person that make them unique in our eyes and make us want to choose them over the other alternatives we may have.
However, as we talked about initially, regardless of whether there is attraction, there are variations in the nuances with which we experience those sensations and in that set of variables. we can feel more emotional-romantic attraction than physicalwhich initially is not a problem but over time it could generate conflicts on a personal level or within the couple.
Also in couples that have been together for many years there are different factors that can cause physical attraction and desire to decrease:
- Routine can be an ingredient that reduces desire.
- Interpersonal conflicts and tensions at the couple or family level.
- .
- The economic problems.
- The physical distance.
- The lack of joint activities.
- Disconnection and distancing on a sexual level.
- Lack of communication about the couple’s sexual fantasies and desires.
It is important to keep in mind that couples change over the years and that the intensity of the initial sexual desire decreases and changes. After being in a relationship for many years, it is normal for the couple to feel the emotional, intellectual and romantic attraction much more than the initial physical attraction., since not only bodies change with the passage of time, but it also passes and with it our desire towards the other is greatly reduced, which is why it is necessary to work on keeping desire active. A couple that wants to build and keep the relationship active needs to open themselves to new possibilities and constantly reactivate desire through games, rituals and intimate moments that help them feel again the emotions that brought them together at the beginning.
What to do when there is no physical attraction?
The fact that there is no initial sexual desire does not mean that it will never come to exist., that cannot be generated or that cannot be worked on. Physical attractiveness also depends on many factors and we can modify some of them and use them to our advantage.
Initial desire is important for two people to feel attracted to each other, but not all people who are strongly attracted to each other end up in a relationship and many people who are not initially attracted to each other end up being a couple.
The important thing to know here is that there are many ways in which we can be attracted to others, that all types of attraction can be enhanced, that initial physical attraction is important but not decisive and that a person who seems attractive to us may not seem attractive to another. Each person likes different people and that is normal and happens because many unconscious and subjective factors move when we see ourselves attracted to someone.
So what can we do when we feel like we don’t have physical attraction with someone we are emotionally attracted to? First, we must understand that sexual attraction has its bases in something biological and reproductive and that it then becomes an erotic and sexual desire. Furthermore, the sexual interest that a person generates in us will depend on many factors:
- The personal image: Something that we find very attractive initially is people who look and smell good. Personal hygiene and the personal care that a person has for themselves is something that is extremely attractive. Because it denotes self-care, concern and good self-esteem. Personal image enhances and increases our physical attractiveness and we can work on it through habits, sports, dressing and smelling well, taking care of our personal hygiene…
- Physical attractiveness: attractiveness will be determined according to our conscious and unconscious parameters of beauty, which are determined by: what is beautiful on a social level and what is similar to us and our significant others, those who have made us happy and given us a lot of love (father , mother, grandparents, etc.). Unconsciously, we tend to look for people similar to the people in our story.
- Behavior and gestures: the ways of looking, of smiling, of walking, friendliness…, are those things that are part of and the charisma that characterizes certain people and that we find extremely attractive. This is something that can also be worked on.
- Chemistry and smell: Pheromones are chemical substances that are released from our bodies to generate sexual attraction and that others can perceive through smell. They are chemical odor signals that link us to others through attraction, we all have pheromones and there are ways to produce more or less. We can increase our level of pheromones by changing our diet.
- Reciprocity: we are attracted to people who are interested in us and show us interest, show us attention, care for us, respect us and care about us. We want to feel loved and important to each other.
- Seduction and the game: It is important not to lose desire in a couple and that is something that is not always easy, because after a while you begin to fall into a routine and the initial desire begins to decrease. One way can be achieved through seduction games, which together with a good imagination and trust maintain the flame and generate greater connection and union in the couple.
What if I don’t feel physical attraction to anyone?
Lack of sexual desire can have several reasons. Among other:
- It could be due to psychological and physiological factors.
- Excessive stress.
- A blockage due to a trauma or bad past experience.
- One, who feels intellectual and emotional attraction to other people, but not sexual attraction.
- One, that there needs to be an emotional relationship with a person as a condition to experience sexual attraction.
- A person who is rethinking their sexual orientation.
What determines a situation as problematic is when, independent of what society imposes as normality and what others believe and/or profess to be what is right, this constitutes a problem for the person who suffers from it and generates conflicts on a personal level and in connection with others.
If a person does not feel desire or physical attraction for another and this constitutes a problem for that person, it is recommended to seek help from a professional. that can help you find the cause of this situation and what is the most recommended in each case. As well as evaluating whether it is a situation that has always occurred like this or whether it begins to occur from a particular moment.
There is nothing more distressing than feeling lost and disoriented with respect to ourselves and finding the answers to these questions helps us feel calm, at peace and take back the reins of our lives.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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