Throughout history, violence has always had a present role, depending on what times it is more essential than in others, and has been taken as the main measure to resolve conflicts. In the case of men, the number of violent crimes and delinquency in general has always been much higher than that of women. In this Psychology-Online article we will answer the questions: Can a violent man change? What to do if you find yourself facing a violent man? We will also see the symptoms that will lead us to recognize it and its main characteristics. Note that we will deal specifically with violent men within the couple.
First symptoms of a violent man
How to detect a violent man? Some of the most characteristic symptoms are the following:
- Lack of empathy
- Low self-esteem
- Emotional restriction and rationalization of feelings
- Dependency/insecurity
- Jealousy
- Controlling and manipulative behaviors
- Poor assertiveness
- Poor communication skills
Characteristics of an aggressive man
We find the following characteristics as the main characteristics of a violent man, although it must be taken into account that they do not constitute a homogeneous group and the characteristics vary depending on the specific subject and according to the way of exercising violence:
- Psychological alterations:, stress in the face of conflicts, control-lack of control axis (control over the partner, lack of control regarding their aggressive impulses).
- Lack of empathy and lack of expression of emotions. Here gender stereotypes would come into play, which would make adequate emotional expression difficult. Feeling vulnerable, they might not accept it and react through violence.
- Dependency and anxiety towards abandoning his partner. Emotional instability.
- Cognitive distortions: distorted beliefs that refer to women’s roles, believing that they are inferior, etc… here you will find more information about them.
- Poor communication and problem-solving skills, although this is not the case in all cases. Difficulty tolerating frustration.
- Low self-esteem.
- Use of coping strategies to evade responsibility of their violent acts.
- They could have been witnesses or victims of violence in his family of origin. In many cases it is like that.
- Consume of alcohol and other substances in some cases.
Can a violent man change with therapy?
Does a violent man change or not change? Treatments for violent men have always been questioned in part due to two main issues:
- Abusive people They do not recognize or take responsibility for their violent behaviorTherefore, they are not motivated to attend treatment and if they do attend, it is difficult for them to adhere to the program.
- On the other hand, the effectiveness of the intervention is criticized: does it change violent behavior? At first it seems so, but are these guidelines maintained over time?
Treatments must guarantee to answer these questions to achieve a greater number of successes. Normally, if the criteria that we will now explain are taken into account, there are possibilities of making a violent man change. In any case, this response will depend on each specific case, since the treatments are individualized for each subject and their specific needs, so they can also respond in different ways. The important thing is to improve as professionals and achieve a greater number of positive results.
Quality criteria to take into account when preparing the therapeutic treatment:
- Basic principles in intervention with aggressors who practice.
- Criteria for the development of the therapeutic procedure.
- General criteria: A) Programs included within the healthcare network. B) Trained professionals with a gender perspective. C) Duration of the intervention based on objectives. D) Specific treatment programs that include group and individual procedures. E) Continuous comprehensive evaluation and motivation analysis.
- Transversal axes of the intervention.
What to do when faced with a violent man?
If you find yourself in a situation facing a violent person, according to experts, the steps to follow would be the following:
- Maintain a safe distance: prevent any type of contact and violent reaction, carry an object that may or may not hurt you.
- Evaluate the person: causes of aggressive or violent behavior, characteristic, state of the person, tone of voice, who or what their words are directed towards, state of nerves…
- Know the place and its spatial distribution well: physical, accessible, safe, quick way to escape violent behavior.
- Assess the degree of dangerd of the situation.
- Decide if you can approach the person and act better or ask for specialized help: do not hesitate to request the necessary help if you find that you will not be able to act alone or that the situation is getting out of hand and becoming much more dangerous.
- First contact: plan an action plan based on the information obtained. Do not improvise as you can generate worse situations. Be clear: what do you want the other person to do? What do you want them to stop doing? and how are you going to carry it out?
- Physical and psychological approach: always progressively, waiting for a minimum of calm and safeguarding your safety. Never stop looking at the person’s hands and show yours. Avoid looking into her eyes, you can comment something about a trivial topic that helps divert attention. Calm tone, calm gestures. Invest time and show interest in what she asks or explains.
- Access reasonable requests you make: Remember that what you are looking for is to stop the aggressive behavior, so you have to listen to what the person is asking for and if it is reasonable to calm the situation. Then you can think about leaving or doing something else.
For the specific case of abusive men, here is an article talking about how to act in these cases: .
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Quinteros, A. (2010). Psychological Treatment of Men Who Perpetrate Gender Violence: Basic Criteria for Developing an Intervention Protocol. Contemporary Clinic(2)1, 129-139.
- Romero, S. (2015). Psychological characteristics of male partner aggressors: classifications and therapeutic approaches. Psychology, Knowledge and Society. University of the Republic.