One of the elements that all research indicates as relevant in the initiation of drug use is the pressure exerted by the peer group. At this age the group of friends becomes a fundamental aspect for the adolescent. The adolescent is especially vulnerable to pressure from the peer group because he needs to feel a part of it, share the traits that define him, have a role to play in it, feel valued by his friends, etc.
The peer pressure It manifests itself in different ways. Sometimes the Peer pressure can be negative or harmful. This is the case, for example, of pressure to do harmful or unintelligent things, such as drinking alcohol, smoking, breaking the law or destroying things. Acting like this means being accepted by the members of the group and earning the appreciation of their friends. Failure to do so may risk being kicked out of the group. There are many strategies that people use to try to convince others to do what we want. Below we present some of the most common. It is important that the individual knows them since this will make it easier for him to realize when they are trying to convince him.
However, peer pressure is not always negative. Not always when they try to persuade us it is to do something bad; Sometimes others may be right, so the appropriate way to respond to persuasion is not to systematically refuse to do what they ask of us. The adolescent must learn when it is appropriate to resist peer pressure and when it is not necessary. First you should listen to what they ask of us, compare it with what we want and then make the decision for yourself, choosing what is most convenient. In this way, we will avoid impulsive or almost unconscious responses.
Steps for respond to persuasive attempts:
- Listen to what the other person tells us.
- Compare what we want to do with what the other person wants.
- Decide for ourselves what we should do.
- Communicate our decision. If we decide not to do what they ask of us, we must reject the proposal clearly and simply. To do this, it is important to have the ability to say “no” and impose limits on the actions of others if necessary.
As has been demonstrated, Learning to say NO is part of a process through which adolescents and young people can resist negative peer pressure. And that can be learned.
When we are going to say “No” to someone, we must be able to defend our own rights while respecting that others may have opinions different from ours. To learn to say NO it is necessary to first learn to behave assertively.
The Assertiveness is a verbal behavior (what is said) and non-verbal (as they say), which defends our personal rights while respecting the rights of others.
Thus, a person behaves assertively when:
- Know what your personal rights and interests are.
- Defends them through a series of behavioral skills.
- These skills allow you to be objective and respectful of yourself and others.
Non-assertive behaviors can be of two types: aggressive and passive. Let’s look at the differences between the three:
passive behavior
Feelings and thoughts are not expressed, or they are expressed in an ineffective, negative and inappropriate way (excuses, lack of confidence, fear…). He only takes into account the rights of others.
aggressive behavior
Feelings, ideas and thoughts are expressed, but without respecting others, Normally emitting direct aggressive behavior (insults, physical aggression) or indirect (sarcastic comments or jokes, ridicule). He only takes into account his own rights.
Assertive behavior
Feelings, ideas, opinions, rights, etc. are directly expressed. without threatening, punishing or manipulating others. Respect your own rights and those of others.
Characteristics of the passive, appropriate (assertive) and aggressive response style:
Whoever wants to say NO to drugs must start from recognition of these basic assertive rights:
- Right to be treated by others with respect and dignity.
- Right to be able to freely express our feelings and opinions.
- Right to make our own decisions, even at the risk of making mistakes.
- Right to satisfy our own needs as long as doing so does not harm others.
- The right to change.
- The right to make mistakes.
- The right to enjoy and enjoy.
- The right to be independent.
- Right to say “NO” without feeling guilty or selfish.
- The right to ask for what I want, realizing that others also have the right to say “NO”.
When a person has taken the decision not to consume, It is important that you have the ability to communicate this fact to others and impose limits on the actions of others if necessary. To do this you have to:
- Find the appropriate time and place.
- Use correct verbal expressions: direct expression, without detours; “I” messages, brief and clear, use idioms such as: “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to take it,” “Would you mind stopping messing with me?”
- Use non-verbal expression, assertive body language (firm and calm tone of voice, eye contact, close distance to the interlocutor). It’s about saying it in a kind, respectful and positive way, without being authoritarian.
Next we will know some procedures that will help us communicate to others in an assertive way our decision to “Not” consume.
Just say no
It simply consists of saying “No” to any request that we do not like, so that no one manipulates us. The word “simply” refers to the fact that you don’t have to think too much about saying certain things, since a NO is enough. There is no need to sulk and get angry with the group.
How to do it?
- Say NO: a simple and resounding no.
- If the other person insists on your request, continue saying No over and over again using new formulas: No, no way, No way, Nothing about that, No, etc.
Example:
· “Here, try this with us”
“NO”
· “Come on, try it!
“No, thanks”
· “But we are going to have a great time!”
“I’m sorry. I’m not interested….”
· “Come on, don’t be rude!”
“Sorry, but you already know NO”
· “Everyone takes them, come try it!”
“No, don’t mess with me, I said NO”
· “But if nothing happens, cheer up!
“Very good, but I DON’T want to….”
· “Are you going to leave us all hanging?”
“You read my lips. NO”
Broken record
Consists of the repetition of the words that express our desires, thoughts, etc., without getting angry or raising our voice and without paying attention to pressure or attempts at deviation from the other person. It’s like you have the automatic response recorded, and there’s nothing you can do! since it arouses in the other the resignation that, when faced with a machine, it is not worth insisting because it will repeat what was recorded as many times as necessary and without attending to new messages.
How to do it?
- Repeat the phrase that expresses our desire about a specific aspect, even if it does not provide too many explanations.
- Repeat it over and over again, always in a calm manner, in the face of the other person’s interventions.
Example:
· “Here, try this with us”
“I’m sorry. I’m not interested….”
· “Come on, try it!
“I’m sorry. I’m not interested….”
· “But we are going to have a great time!”
“I’m sorry. I’m not interested….”
· “Come on, don’t be rude!”
“I’m sorry. I’m not interested….”
· “Everyone takes them, come try it!”
“I’m sorry. I’m not interested….”
· “But if nothing happens, cheer up!
“I’m sorry. I’m not interested….”
· “Are you going to leave us all hanging?”
“I’m sorry. I’m not interested….”
Offer alternatives
Consists in propose something positive, that people like. Although sometimes presenting an alternative seems a lot like “changing the subject,” offering something positive that people like involves a certain richness of offers and a certain pulling power.
How to do it?
- Find something attractive and propose it with enthusiasm.
- Insist without giving up in the face of the possible negative reaction of others.
- Seek the support of someone willing to follow what is proposed.
Example:
“Try this with us”
“What do you think if we make a bet to see who can last longer dancing?”
For you for me
It is a technique that is used when, by expressing our refusal, we may be subject to pressure, verbal attacks or unfair criticism to try to manipulate us. When we use it we achieve two things: not getting angry when others criticize us, and not getting their way.
How to do it?
We start from a situation in which another person makes a request that we do not want to accept. For example: A friend offers us an ecstasy pill and we express our desire not to consume.
- Previous step: EXPLANATION + DECISION. “I don’t feel like taking it, thank you” In the face of any insult or unfair criticism directed at us by the other, for example: “You’re a coward, you don’t dare…”
- First step: FOR YOU + (Repeat what the criticizing person said): “For you I will be a coward”.
- Second step: FOR ME + (Say something positive about yourself): “But for me I am a person who knows how to have fun.” Repeat the process as long as necessary.
fog bank
It is a technique that is used when, by expressing our refusal, we may be subject to pressure, verbal attacks or unfair criticism to try to manipulate us. It consists of recognizing the reason or possible reason that the other person may have, but expressing the decision not to change our behavior. It is fleeing from risk, without attacking too much whoever tells you or offers something. In a way, it’s about not getting into discussion.
How to do it?
- Do not enter into discussion about partial reasons, which may even be acceptable.
- Agree with the other person: recognize any truth contained in their statements when they propose something that does not seem convenient to us, but without accepting what they propose.
- Give the reason and the possibility (only the possibility) that things can be as they appear to us. Use expressions, such as: “It is possible that…”, “It may be that…”.
- After reflecting or paraphrasing what the other person has just said, we can then add a phrase that expresses our desire not to use: “but I’m sorry, I can’t do that”, “…but no thanks”, “. ..but I prefer not to take it.”
Example:
· “But we are going to have a great time!”
“You may be right, but I prefer not to take it.”
· “Come on, don’t be rude!”
Yes, I may be an edge, but I won’t take it.”
· “Everyone takes them, come try it!”
It’s possible that everyone takes them, but I don’t.”
· “But if nothing happens, cheer up!
“You may be right and nothing will happen, but no thanks”
· “Are you going to leave us all hanging?”
“You may be right, but I don’t feel like it.”
RECOMMENDATIONS TO “SAY NO WITHOUT LOSING FRIENDS”
1. When faced with any request that we do not like, related to drug consumption, say NO: a No clear, firm and without excuses.
2. Repeat it as many times as…