Are you in love with someone much older or much younger than you? Does the age difference stop you from starting a relationship? Have you heard on more than one occasion that couples with a large age difference don’t work out? In Psychology-Online we explain to you if you really Is the age difference in the couple a problem or not?.
Does the age difference matter in love?
We have always heard that love has no age, that what matters is that the feeling is strong and love can do anything. These are very romantic statements, but is this always the case? On a day-to-day basis, not everything is as ideal as we think. Actually the age difference matters to the extent that it affects the relationship.
Does the age difference between couples have disadvantages?
The age difference between the members of the couple can present a series of drawbacks. Some occur more frequently than others and are more or less important for the future of the relationship.
- Lifestyle. The routine and activities preferred by each of the members can be very different. As happens, for example, when one of the members is a student and the other is a worker.
- Social relations. Generally we interact more with people who are similar in age to us and with whom we have things in common. It may be that when spending time with the people around our partner we do not feel very integrated because we are in different times of life. The topics of conversation, for example, tend to vary greatly when the age difference is pronounced. As well as leisure activities, frequented restaurants, etc.
- sex. The difference in performance, form and way of thinking can pose a problem of understanding in this area. Physical capacity, libido, the importance we give to sexual relations…
- The opposition of the environment. Sometimes family or friends do not support the relationship. This happens to a greater extent by the parents or children (if any) of one of the members of the couple. The difficulty in integrating into the new family represents a conflict that sometimes ends with the breakup of the couple.
- The goals of life. Whether it is a change of address in search of a job opportunity or the decision to have children, if the objectives are very different, the relationship is doomed to failure.
- The maturity. The degree of maturity through life experiences and learning of the older member may be very different from the level presented by the younger member. This can be a problem, both in the type of problems that appear in the relationship, and in conflict resolution. This does not always happen, since despite the age difference, the maturity of both members can be similar.
Is there a recommended age difference between couples?
There are studies that limit the appropriate age difference to 5 years. It is possible that this age range reduces the appearance of the difficulties that we have mentioned in the previous section, but it does not guarantee it. Well, these factors are influenced by age but not determined.
There are couples who, with a difference of more than 10 years, have or have had a wonderful relationship. There are others of the same age whose relationship has been disastrous. The issue is, more than age, in having similar values and set the .
On the other hand, the same number of years can cause more or less inequality depending on age. For example, with the difference being 15 years in both cases, we would perceive it to be greater between a 20-year-old and a 35-year-old than between a 40-year-old and a 55-year-old.
Furthermore, the age that matters most in these cases is “mental age” and not chronological age.
Couples with a 20 year age difference, do they work?
We believe that couples with a very pronounced age difference They only occur among celebrities, but if we look closely, there are surely some couples around us with differences of 10 or 20 years.
When the age difference between the members of the couple is 20 yearsobviously there are more possibilities for difficulties to arise, since it is the inequality more pronounced. But we insist that it is not something that always has to happen and with a good understanding it can be solved. It is important to know that although these differences may exist due to the age difference, that does not prevent you from having a healthy and beneficial relationship. To do this, it is advisable to learn how to.
For example, opposition from family is something that may arise at first, but normally if the relationship continues and our loved ones see us happy, they will accept and even support the relationship. Regarding the way of life or social relationships, as time passes there can be a satisfactory adaptation for both members and let us not forget that although it is important to get along well with the couple’s environment, in the end with whom we live and spend the most time It’s with our partner. What prevails in these cases is that the values and goals of both are similar and of course there is love and respect.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Beck, A. T. (2011). With love is not enough. Madrid: Paidós.