Not only childhood has a great weight in the development of balanced emotional health, adolescence is, in this sense, a critical time in our lives. We have to be extremely careful in the accompaniment and, above all, in the words that we address (and are directed) to our adolescents.
While in childhood the most important words for children are those they receive from their elders, in adolescence, those dedicated to them by their friends are added, their classmates, their brothers and, nowadays, those they receive from social networks.
self esteem during adolescence
Adolescence is a time in our lives in which self-esteem is extremely vulnerable, even in children who have it higher. Any displaced word or phrase can end up forming a huge snowball in the mind of a teenager.
This fragility is given, among many other reasons, by the fact that adolescence is, due to the continuous physical, mental and emotional changes, a crucial time for the development of the Self.
Adolescents are egotistical, they focus on themselves, but not so much for selfish reasons, but rather because This is a time of fundamental importance for the formation of the psyche.of self-esteem and of the thought that will form the basis of their adult Self.
- In adolescence, the doubts: will i be able am i valid? does anyone care?
- appears the deep, abstract thought and introspection: what do I do here? why was I born? is life worth it?
- Also the social need to belong to the group develops of pairs: I want friends, I need friends, do my friends love me?
- and it shows a extreme concern for external appearance: I cut my hair? do i get a tattoo? am i attractive What clothes do I wear today?
- Along with all these changes (and many more), There are huge concerns.
Adolescents question, but also, they question themselves intensely, which leads them to suffer a lot when they receive destructive criticism or unpleasant words, which put emphasis on ridiculing some aspect of their person that, in itself, already worries them a lot.
The weight of self-image during adolescence
I remember the case of Fran, a guy in his 30s who came to my office dragging self-esteem problems, shyness and a disastrous self-image.
As we were seeing in their sessions, in addition to carry a feeling of loneliness and helplessness from early childhood (As the youngest of four siblings, his parents had no time for him), Fran developed a very negative self-image as a teenager.
Around the age of 13 or 14, Fran had a big growth spurt, she began to have a lot of acne and some body features such as her nose and ears grew a lot. Both her two older sisters and her brother, took him as the center of her ridicule. They laughed at him every day and called him “el paella”, “el nositos”, “el manazas” and many more demeaning epithets.
This daily harassment it ended up destroying what little self-esteem Fran had.
While as a child he had always been satisfied with his body image, as a young adult she had developed a dire self-image. He did not feel comfortable with himself and was embarrassed to go places.
Adolescents may need psychological help
When self-esteem falls excessively and the adolescent does not feel well, an expert can help you regain lost self-esteem. In Fran’s case, we were rebuilding her in therapy and, little by little, she understood how the cruel words of her brothers affected her in a time as delicate as adolescence.
After each session, Fran was making little progress, she was able to look at herself in a mirror again, she even hung a full-length one in her room.
Also, he changed his way of dressing: he stopped wearing giant sports clothes and began to buy beautiful clothes, as he told me: “Ramón, now I know that I deserve these clothes. Before I thought I was worthless, but I am worth it”.
In fact, after finishing her therapy, Fran decided to get this very phrase tattooed: “Yes I’m worth it” as a permanent reminder of how valuable he knew he was.
As adults, We have an immense responsibility towards our youth. If you have teenagers around you, remember to always speak to them with respect, without destructive criticism and without making fun of their appearance, projects, ideas, etc.