There is no society that does not sanction adultery, nor method that has definitively extinguished its practice. Death penalty, torture, beheading, castration, social exclusion, excommunication, burning at the stake, amputations, are just some of the dramatic methods that historically some societies have taken in their failed attempt to end the practice of infidelity.
According of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, 60% of divorces and separations currently occur for reasons of infidelity. The same study states that about 25% of husbands and 15% of wives have had an affair.
Don’t skip what’s happening
If you are currently going through a relationship crisis due to an episode of infidelity – assuming that the unfaithful person is the man – and you don’t know “What to do?”, I recommend that you DO NOT DO the following:
1. Do not confront the lover
Avoid the. Do not give a voice, opinion or vote to someone who manages a biased version of your life as a couple. Get safe. It is not worth blaming or arguing with someone who has been seduced by the same person who has also deceived you. What do you have in mind?; What do you hope to make him understand? What did he do wrong? Sometimes the intention to confront the lover has a high dramatic cost but it can also turn into an absurd situation. They tell me in consultation: – Doctor, what bothers me the most is that they both made fun and laughed at me! I answer them: -Believe me, the last thing they do, and with luck, is think about you.
2. Don’t seek to know all the details
Please! Do not undertake the masochistic adventure of recreating the film in HD format. Even if it is difficult for you to do so, do not ask for all the details. All your questions do not have to be answered to clarify your doubts. DON’T CLARIFY THAT YOU OBSCENE: -How many times did they do it?; Where?; Did you give him oral sex? Is she prettier and more feminine than me? Did you use a condom? Since when do they sleep? Avoid morbid or painful details that lead to nothing. Control the desire to question. If they have chosen to reconcile, put emphasis on the relationship and not the episode.
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3. Don’t take revenge
It doesn’t mean that you don’t show your discomfort. Don’t risk having your partner and her lover justify their arguments using inappropriate behavior on your part: -Do you see why I told you she was crazy? , -No wonder you don’t come home! Regulate your impulse control by doing physical exercise. Get out of your house, get busy with errands. Don’t overdo vengeful reactions that could take things out of control.
Don’t tell everyone. Let no one interfere!!!
4. Don’t let it go
Don’t skip what’s happening. Don’t turn a blind eye. There is a crucial situation in your life as a couple that requires your full attention. Get out of the initial shock: DON’T STOP SUFFERING, GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO DO SO. You have to experience pain in order to exhaust it. Don’t block your emotions. Infidelity is always a bitter, dramatic and crucial episode in a couple’s life. Letting an infidelity pass, camouflaging it and trying to disconnect from it is giving way to the next one.
5. Don’t tell everyone
Let no one interfere!!! We understand that you have a person you trust, a friendship with whom you vent. Please classify this episode as ultra private to the extent you can. Don’t tell your children unless it is necessary. FOR PROSPERITY, MENTAL HEALTH AND EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING POLICY: STAY IN RESERVE!!! When there are many counselors around there are also many stories.
6. Don’t beg for love
Don’t beg to be loved. Love is not forced. Don’t give away your dignity. Don’t take the other’s either. Don’t beg your partner to stay. Don’t beg the lover to leave him alone. That puts you in a vulnerable position. You will inspire sorrow, pity, weakness. That doesn’t help anyone notice or fall in love with you.
7. Avoid psychological torture
Don’t let your impulses win over you. Don’t subject your partner to the acid test. Don’t let anger, rage, frustration, and other feelings of helplessness cloud your judgment. This goes both ways: 1) Sometimes the cheated party feels with the legitimate and irrevocable right to humiliate the cheater for the rest of his life, 2) and on the other hand, the cheater feels that he must pay eternally for his fault. to the point of becoming an emotional slave to the injured party.
8. Don’t ignore the help of a specialist
Start therapy with a psychologist or psychiatrist. Especially if it’s not the first time you’ve gone through this.