People who are defensive are people who have an emotional wound caused by some trauma experienced during childhood, adolescence or youth and live with a shell that protects them from the world to avoid being hurt again. They act hypervigilantly, attentive to any possible attack from the outside. At the slightest signal interpreted by them as a threat, they draw their sword to defend themselves from the blow they do not want to receive. However, it is precisely this defensive mechanism that leads them to see threats where there really are none. Hence, they are people who are always defending themselves even when, apparently, there is no objective fact that provokes this response.
In the following Psychology-Online article we will propose 7 tips for dealing with a person who is defensive and improve social interactions.
Try to understand their behaviors
How to deal with a person who is always on the defensive? People who act defensively hit or often push others away, making it very difficult to establish good relationships with them. Due to this, and taking into account that it is not a conscious and premeditated behavior, but the result of an internal emotional wound that leads him to defend himself in this way, at we want to promote forms of interaction with these people that favor their better social integration and to help them overcome their inner wound.
The first tip for dealing with a person who is defensive is to try to understand their behaviors through the prism of emotional wound. This will prevent us from feeling offended by their behavior and, by feeling compassion for them, we will interact in a much more strengthening and constructive way.
Have patience
It is not easy to relate to this type of people, since they continually feel attacked and hit before receiving the imagined offense or attack. This means receiving impulsive and, on more than one occasion, offensive responses. If we respond by letting ourselves be carried away by our own emotional wounds, they can end up causing strong and unpleasant conflicts.
Therefore, a good way to improve the relationship and promote the best internal state of this person is to change the way you look at them and see them as victims of their own traumas. To achieve this, we will need be patient and stay calm by your side, despite the defensive responses we receive.
Stay by your side
Nowadays the psychological advice “” is very fashionable, but in reality, to a greater or lesser degree, we are all toxic to the extent that we all, to a lesser or greater extent, present certain emotional deficiencies.
This approach, far from building a good personality, what encourages confrontation and separation between human beings. In the case of people who are always on the defensive, and despite how difficult it may be to relate to this type of people, It is important to stay by their side without abandoning them to help them improve, as long as they do not go beyond our own limits.
Subtly reeducate
On many occasions, if we stop to observe from the outside we can see the hell that these people are going through. That is to say, his hypervigilant attitude to defend himself from possible dangers is totally paranoid and enormously exhausting.
In these cases, we find ourselves in a situation in which, with all the tact and respect in the world, we can contribute to reeducate them and that, little by little, they can adopt a calmer, more confident and realistic view of life.
Promote trust
For this positive reeducation to be effective It will be necessary for the person in question to trust us. If we work on this aspect, it is possible that defensive responses will gradually be reduced by reducing their internal fear of being hit.
Subsequently, this new state and its new ways of acting will serve as a valid and safe reference for acting with the rest of the world.
Animate and optimize your vision
One of the best ways to retrain your behavior is transmit joy, show them the good that exists in life and in people and how, in reality, the danger can become something insignificant, random and with a very low probability of occurring.
Thanks to what the person will deposit in us, this new, much more hopeful vision of life will penetrate inside them, transforming them internally and breaking the chains that tied them to the trap of the defensive response.
Set limits
Taking into account everything stated above, it is important show him that there are certain limits that cannot be crossed. Although we can be patient with his defensive behaviors and see him as a victim of his own wounds, this in no way justifies free will for his behaviors.
Likewise, defining clear limits will help the person abandon certain responses that, rather than helping them, will be enslaving them to a paranoid life full of fears. Caring for others with patience and dedication can help you cope with the hurts of a person’s past. If you need help to achieve this, in this article we explain.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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Bibliography
- Delahooke, M.(2021). “Beyond behavior.” Anaya Multimedia Editorial.