They never taught us to be parents nor did they teach it to or theirs. Becoming aware of our referents and our automatisms as parents will allow us to change the way we relate to our children. Below we recommend 3 books that offer tools to:
“Educate with conscience”
Marta Butjosa, teacher and mother of two children, asks us a fundamental question: what if your children were not yours? What if we had been entrusted with their education for a while? Would we do the same thing we are doing? She proposes us to be aware that “”. We cannot confuse our experience with that of our sons and daughters.
It tells us that the first step to relate to them is from ourselves. In this way we will not burden them with “our pending issues” and we will be able to allow them “to be as they are and fully display their personality, their talents and their life”. This book is a tool to learn what our children show us about ourselves.
“How to speak so children listen. And how to listen so that children speak.”
Psychologists Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish say that “when children feel good, they behave well.” So the question is: How to make our sons and daughters feel good? Especially when our day to day generates a dynamic full of orders, reproaches and punishments that are supposed to help us do everything we have to do: go to school, do extracurricular activities, keep the house tidy, etc, etc. .
They ask us to be very specific in order to: describe the problem, “there is a wet towel on the bed”; give information, “towels are left in the bathroom”; say it with a single word “the towel!” and express our reasons “I don’t want to sleep in a wet bed”. In the book we find many examples for not losing our nerves in the face of their negative feelings, their frustration or their anger and it offers us resources to express our anger without being aggressive and even to find alternatives to punishment.
“The Teenage Brain”
Eveline Crone is Professor of Neurocognitive Developmental Psychology at Leiden University and presents the latest neuroscience research on the adolescent brain. Perhaps if we knew that there are areas of the brain that help us control performance, that plan and keep us attentive to what we do, and that continue to develop into adulthood, we could understand that it is not so easy for a teenager to perform these calculations. which for us are automatic.
In this book we will discover “how they learn, how they control their thoughts and actions, how they plan their activities, how they self-regulate their emotions, and how they think about their interactions with others.” We know that increasing our level of communication is essential in order to establish a more empathetic, assertive and effective level of communication with our children and even with ourselves.
“Every day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.”
Charles R. Swindoll.
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