For those who have children, not to be missed. 12 Mindful Parenting Exercises, by Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn:
- Try to imagine the world from your child’s perspective, intentionally leaving your own point of view. Do this every day, at least for a moment, to remember who your child is and what he or she has to face in this world.
Practice seeing your child as “perfect” just the way they are.
- Imagine how you present yourself as a parent from your child’s point of view, how your child sees and listens to you, what it is like to have you as a parent today, at this moment. Think about how this can modify the way you move your body and how you handle yourself in space, the way you speak and what you say. Think: how do you want to relate to your child right now?
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Practice seeing your child as “perfect” just the way they are. See if you can exercise mindfulness about his “sovereignty” moment by moment, and work on accepting him as he is, even when it is difficult for you to do this.
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Be fully aware of your expectations for your child and consider whether they are real and truly best for him. Also be aware of how you communicate your expectations and how this affects your child.
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Practice altruism: Put your child’s needs above your own whenever possible. Then see if there is the same basis that makes these needs meet. You may be surprised at how much they can overlap, especially if you are patient and seek a balance in this regard.
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When you feel lost, remember for a moment to stay still and meditate to bring full attention to the situation, to your child, to yourself, to the family. In doing so, try to go beyond thinking, even positive thinking, and try to intuitively perceive with your whole being what needs to be done. If that doesn’t become clear at any point, it may be best to do nothing until it begins to become clear. Sometimes it’s good to stay silent.
Practice being able to see that whatever happens is “workable.”
- Try to carry out a silent presence with your body. Through formal and informal mindfulness practices you can develop this, if you pay attention to how you carry your own being, how you project your body, your mind and your speech. Listen carefully.
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Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance. In the Zen tradition and in the art of target shooting, Herrigel describes how he was instructed to remain at the point of greatest tension without shooting the arrow. At the right moment, the arrow mysteriously shoots itself. Exercise, even though it may be difficult for you, the possibility of staying for a moment without trying to change anything and without waiting for a particular result to occur. Simply bring all of your awareness and presence to this present moment. Practice seeing that whatever happens is “workable” if you are willing to trust your own intuition. Your child needs you as his center of balance and confidence, a reliable branch to lean on within his own environment. The arrow and the target need each other. They will be able to find themselves in the best way through wise attention and patience.
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Apologize to your child every time you’ve betrayed their trust, even if it’s just a little. Genuine apologies are healing. A genuine apology shows that you have thought about a situation that happened and that you have seen what happened more clearly or, perhaps, more from your child’s perspective. But be mindful of not apologizing too often. It loses meaning if you are apologizing all the time, making regret a habit. In this way, it becomes a way of not taking responsibility for your own actions.
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All children are special and every child has special needs. Each one sees the world in a unique and particular way. Hold an image of each of your children in your heart. Baby in your health, wishing you well-being.
Apologize to your child every time you have betrayed their trust.
- There are important moments when we need to be clear, strong and univocal with our children. Let this come from the greatest possible awareness, generosity and discernment, rather than from fear, hypocrisy and the desire for control. Mindful parenting does not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; It also does not mean being rigid, domineering and controlling.
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The best gift you can give your child is your own being. This means that part of your job as a parent is to grow in self-knowledge and self-awareness. This constant work can be promoted by making time for silent contemplation in whatever way feels right to you. We only have the present.
Translated by: Corrine Stoewsand
Image: on Flickr