Narcissistic parents are difficult to deal with because they have not reached the maturity necessary to act as such. In this sense, they tend to be too attentive to themselves and are full of negative emotions such as frustration, anger, pride and envy. This means that they do not take up too much space to offer attention and dedication to their child.
In fact, narcissistic parents are capable of trampling on an entire family to satisfy their desires, without giving much importance to the needs of others. For this reason, as adults, children of narcissists try to atone by not blaming the parents and going out of their way to make sure no one notices the problem. In this Psychology-Online article we are going to deal with this delicate topic through some suggestions on how to treat a narcissistic parent.
Trust the help of a specialist
When it comes to remedying intrafamilial narcissistic abuse, we must accept the fact that you cannot change a narcissistic person, even if he or she is your father. Your own disorder prevents you from accessing treatments that can help you.
In these cases, Psychotherapy can help children of narcissistic parents to understand and process what has happened within your family. In the therapist’s safe and welcoming room you can experience all the pain that is felt in these situations. This method helps you regain trust and forge a new way of relating to your narcissistic parent.
Learn all about narcissism
If you are a person who has just realized that you are a victim of a childhood with a narcissistic father, first of all you should inform yourself about the characteristics of this type of personality. You probably wonder how a narcissistic parent behaves.
In these cases, having our database on narcissism will allow you to better deal with the complex emotions and conflicts that arise due to being subjected to a narcissistic education. The more you know, the more you can deflect any attack. that your narcissistic parent can inflict on you and you will be able to resolve the pain he inflicted on you in the past.
There are bookstores full of fantastic books, articles, and studies that can give you the answers you are looking for. In addition, you can also consult family relationship experts if you don’t know how to proceed. The more you educate yourself and find support, the better you will cope.
Share emotions with family
If you don’t know how to deal with a narcissistic parent, share your emotions with your siblings or close relatives. Remember that the narcissist turns people against each other to satisfy and get what he wants from them. Therefore, take time to get to know and recognize the child that is still inside you that he needs to be loved and is still suffering. Love him, let him know that he has rights and lean on your family.
Therapeutic resolution
Some parents with mild narcissistic traits are open to family therapy, which can be very beneficial with the right therapist. However, it will only work if the parent feels that she is a responsible person and if she is willing to work on the pain of her childhood and her family problems. In these cases, to learn how to treat a narcissistic parent, it is good to turn to an experienced family therapist who can provide useful tools to the whole family.
zero contact
The decision of cut off any contact It is huge, but it must be considered when the father is very toxic, never admits any type of responsibility and continues to be abusive towards his child once he becomes an adult. It is a sad solution, but vital in many cases.
This decision can only be made when as a child you have really worked on your internal recovery. If you have not taken care of your privacy, feelings of guilt can become a terrible burden, since the pain remains unaltered. Sometimes, after recovery, the decision can transform into a desire to recreate the bond through maintaining a civil connection.
Civil connection
In the presence of a narcissistic parent, the decision to maintain a civil connection is the most common. It is about maintaining an educated posture, in which as a child you know and accept that the connection with your narcissistic parent does not necessarily imply having an emotional bond with him or her.
The contact is civilized, courteous, brief and emotionally detached. As a child, you must understand the superficiality and lack of perspective for change that a relationship with narcissistic parents has.
Notice family roles
Each family has roles and dynamics in which different members play. In some families there is the scapegoat, while in others there is the golden child. Ultimately, there are many fluid roles within the typical family unit, but they are always controlled by the narcissist and not always to the benefit of the individuals involved.
When learning how to deal with a narcissistic parent, you must understand the control they try to exert over the family and their desire to divide it. The best way to defend against this type of assault is present a unified front that requires cohesion and communication to be managed. If there is no one in your family you can trust, protect and limit your contact with those who want to control you and your family.
Understanding the behaviors of the narcissist
A useful step in treating a narcissistic parent is to understand their behavior patterns so you can act correctly. But who really is the narcissist? A person who never really opens up to anyone thinks he is useless and therefore no one gets to know him well enough to give him an objective judgment.
To better understand the characteristics of a narcissist, it may be useful to refer to the diagnostic criteria illustrated in the DSM-5, since some of them have appeared in very detailed form in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. characteristics of the narcissist. Let’s see which ones:
- This type of pathology, known for eccentricity and egocentrism, is made of weakness and insecurity.
- He appears strong, but is extremely fragile.
- They exalt themselves, but feel tragically alone.
- You experience a strong feeling of discomfort and insecurity that, instead of being verbalized, is hidden from the world.
In this article you will find more information about .
Find out if you grew up with a narcissistic parent
If you have doubts about whether or not you grew up with a narcissistic parent, here are the keys you need to find out:
- You feel and have always felt that you are competing with your brothers: Narcissists see their children as extensions and not as people. When there are several children, one of them is chosen to express the “qualities” of the father and the other child is used as a target for the father’s frustrations, he is pointed out as the one who is not capable of doing anything, the problematic one and who is the cause of all problems.
- You are a person who lets yourself be trampled: Growing up with a narcissistic parent has led you to believe that your needs are not important. Maybe you are afraid of becoming your narcissistic parent to the point that you think saying or thinking “I have needs” or “my needs matter” is narcissistic, but by thinking like that all you do is let everyone walk all over you.
- You feel more like a father than a son: Not all narcissists are shameless. To draw attention to themselves as victims, some talk about very serious problems and sometimes threaten to harm themselves to manipulate the actions of others. Children who live with this type of narcissistic parents end up being emotionally supportive parents.
- Your self-esteem is based exclusively on the results obtained: Some children of narcissists think that the only way to move forward is to imitate their parents. it rises and falls based on what they “produce” and the result they achieve.
- You have no insight into your desires.your goals, yourself or your needs.
Learn to manage anger
In the process of learning to deal with a narcissistic parent it is easy for conscience to arouse anger and resentment. Revenge and payback only serve to keep the narcissistic dynamic alive. Nobody needs it, not even you. These types of parents also have an emotional problem. “It’s not their fault” we say, although understanding does not mean justifying.
set borders
In short, when in doubt about what to do if my father is narcissistic, the best thing is avoid their provocations. That will take away his excuse to emotionally abuse you or control himself. Therefore, you must let all controversy subside and be clear in communication and assertive. Sometimes it is necessary to physically distance yourself from it until the dynamic self-extinguishes.
Narcissists are difficult to change, in fact they do not change, but without an audience their mask that hides insecurity, fear and, that is, all the characteristics they project on others falls apart.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How to treat a narcissistic parentwe recommend that you enter our category.