Anxiety is considered an unpleasant psychological state that is accompanied by physiological symptoms such as the feeling of restlessness due to the expectation of an imprecise danger. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), in 2019 there were 301 million people with an anxiety disorder. Additionally, the COVID-19 pandemic has caused a 25% increase in the prevalence of anxiety and depression worldwide.
As the data shows, suffering from anxiety is very common. In addition to the discomfort in the person who suffers from it, this emotion can also have a profound impact on personal relationships. Effectively supporting a loved one who suffers from anxiety is often difficult, as it is difficult to know the best way to do it. Therefore, it is very important to learn to react effectively to prevent anxiety from weakening your relationship with your loved ones. If your partner suffers from anxiety, in this Psychology-Online article, we will give you 10 tips on how to help my partner with anxiety.
Don’t try to “fix” their anxiety
When your partner suffers from anxiety, it is natural to want to alleviate their pain, however, trying to help them by trying to solve all their problems, or “solving” their discomfort, is not the best way to do it for the following reasons:
- Can condition love: The fact of wanting to solve your partner’s problems can convey to him that for you to love him he has to be good at all costs. Additionally, if you don’t make room for their feelings, your partner may feel pressure to stop feeling the way they feel.
- It can generate resentment in the relationship: Depending on your idea of how to support your partner, it can create resentment between you if your expectations are not met. It’s an unfair interaction. Keep in mind that your partner has not chosen to have anxiety of their own free will.
If you’re wondering what to say to your partner if they have anxiety, remember that you are not their therapist and you can’t “cure” someone else’s anxiety. Still, you can do everything you can to support her as she learns to handle the situation. Instead of trying to “fix” your partner, simply shows support and compression. Let him know that you would like him to feel better because you love him, not because it is a requirement to be loved. In this article you will find more tips on .
Don’t minimize their concerns
People who suffer from anxiety need a safe space to express yourself and ask for help. If they feel that their discomfort is meaningless, they may isolate themselves and continue suffering, but in silence. Minimizing your pain will not reduce your suffering, and instead of neutralizing it, you may feel even worse.
So, if you want to help your partner with anxiety, keep in mind that the experience of anxiety is universal. Instead of downplaying what they’re feeling, support them the same way you would a loved one who’s going through a tough time, but not necessarily because of anxiety.
Avoid inappropriate comments
There are certain pieces of advice that, although well-intentioned, can have the opposite effect. Comments like “there are worse things” are counterproductive. Your partner probably already attributes his or her anxiety to negative components and feels guilty, like a burden on others, or has feelings of worthlessness.
For all these reasons, to help someone with anxiety it is necessary avoid saying things that might make you feel worse such as, “it’s all in your head,” “stop worrying so much,” or “you’re overreacting.” Although these expressions seem harmless, far from helping, they can be triggering for the person who receives them, who may feel responsible and guilty for their emotional state.
Don’t overprotect him
How can I support my partner with anxiety? Helping him/her does not mean that you should treat him/her as if he/she were a small, weak and fragile child, who cannot take care of himself/herself. It’s very important validate your feelingsbut overprotecting them from their distress can have the opposite effect and, unintentionally, can reinforce their anxiety.
It’s hard to see the person you love suffer, but You can’t help it from feeling the way it feels. When you try to overprotect her and pave the way for her, you are taking away the opportunity to confront her discomfort, learn to deal with those situations, and develop self-confidence. In this way, overprotection could act as a factor that encourages anxiety.
If you are looking for advice on what to do in this situation, in this article we explain it to you.
Listen to it when you need it
Actively listen to your partner and show empathy at all times. Accompany him in his discomfort instead of trying to reduce it. Be interested in how they feelask them what you can do to help them, try to understand their experience, validate what they are going through and show understanding.
Anxiety must be met with patience and kindness. Listen to the emotions of the person who suffers from it, ask them questions and be open, even if they do not agree. Sometimes, it is enough to ask him how he is doing so that he knows that he can count on you in difficult times.
Validate your experience
Validating an emotional experience such as anxiety involves accept and acknowledge the thoughts or feelings of the other person. This aspect is essential to support your partner. Validation means letting your partner know that you understand that they are going through a difficult time.
Previously, we’ve already explained why minimizing anxiety by saying things like “this isn’t that big of a deal” can make things worse and hurt your partner. Instead, saying things like “I see this is really difficult right now” , it will let your partner know that you are trying to .
Don’t give up
Often, one of the biggest fears of a person with anxiety is that they do not feel “deserving” of love. As frequently and naturally as you can, Try to let him know that your relationship does not depend on his emotional state, if not many other things that nourish it. This will convey security, which is key, since one of the components of anxiety is uncertainty. In this article you will see.
How can I support my partner? Patience, open mind, and caring will go a long way in your fight against anxiety. Remember that anxiety does not define the person or the relationship. A couple is a team. You can both contribute positively by creating positive experiences together: laughing, traveling together, hugging, or doing small everyday things that make you smile. Let’s not underestimate the power of these small positive experiences, as they can serve as a buffer for the stress caused by anxiety.
Try to understand your partner’s anxiety
How does anxiety affect a couple? Being in a relationship with a person who has anxiety is not an easy task. Despite this, remember how much you love her and be aware that all changes take time. Accept the fact that happiness looks different for everyone. For some it may be trips, parties or shopping. For others, it’s quiet time, coming home and relaxing.
For a person with anxiety it could be a day that goes by without a , or it could simply be wanting to do something that has not been done for a long time.
Be honest and don’t hide anything
If you’re going to be late, call your partner or send them a quick text so they don’t put themselves in the worst possible scenario. If you have a medical illness, bills to pay, or problems at work, don’t hide it. Talk about it honestly with him/her.
People with anxiety often sense when something is wrong and this can trigger unhealthy dynamics in the relationship. Even if you don’t want to worry him, it is always better for him to find out what is happening from you and not through other means. If you want to help your partner with anxiety, let me know what happens to yousince by avoiding it you may assume something worse than reality and put yourself in the worst possible scenario.
Don’t abandon yourself
Don’t stop living your life, even if it is difficult to live it when your partner is suffering. It’s not about going to party every day when your partner is crying in bed, but rather keep a balance. If it’s your nephew’s birthday, a friend’s wedding, your brother’s graduation, try to go and not neglect your social and support network. Propose to your partner if they want to accompany you. If he doesn’t feel like it, don’t force him. It’s okay to go alone and enjoy the company of other loved ones.
Don’t see it as a betrayal, because it isn’t. In fact, for several reasons, this It is healthy for your own well-being and for the quality of the couple. First of all, your partner will not feel the guilt of “taking away” moments of happiness with other important people in your life. Secondly, you will not feel resentment towards him/her in the long term, since you will not have missed these moments by always being by his/her side.
You can continue to maintain your social network while supporting your partner with anxiety. Sometimes, reminding him/her that you are thinking about him/her and assuring him/her that you will return home safely is already comforting.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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References
- World Health Organization (2022) WHO highlights the urgency of transforming mental health and related care. Press release Geneva. Available online: https://www.who.int/
- World Health Organization (2022) The COVID-19 pandemic causes a 25% increase in the prevalence of anxiety and depression worldwide. Geneva. Available online: https://www.who.int/
Bibliography
- Lamperski, T. (2016). Hi, Anxiety: Life with a Bad Case of Nerves.
- Suárez Richards, M. (1995). Introduction to psychiatry. Buenos Aires, Argentina: Salerno.