Why do I always fall for men older than me?

Have you ever wondered why you like older men? Any relationship we establish shows us a unconscious information. The greater the excess, the more evident the information it contains will be. In this sense, we refer to relationships where the age difference is significant, rather than relationships with small age differences. What makes us “fall in love” with that person? We never consciously decide who to fall in love with, it is a visceral reaction that floods our body and makes us “get butterflies in our stomachs”.

Maybe I have looked for it to change it? I want someone serene to make a family? Could I try to get from him what I needed from my father and didn’t get? There is no single reason but as many possibilities as there are cases. However, like everything, this is also information. Part of self-knowledge process It inevitably goes through identifying our unconscious tendencies.

Often when we fall in love with someone, we fall in love with aspects of our own personality that the other person shows us.

The , from this point of view, are a process through which we relate to other people to recover unconscious aspects of our personality and, thus, to be able to complete ourselves as individuals.

The question we can ask ourselves in this regard would be: what does a relationship with an older man bring me? And what disadvantages or dangers does a relationship with a younger man imply in this sense?

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It is possible that, as children, we did not have a father or we have had an absent father, or even that our own mother has intervened in the direct relationship with our father and we want to recover that bond. Or vice versa, that we have had a very close relationship with our father and that, advanced in adulthood, we do not have those aspects that the father figure gave us and we continue looking for them abroad, in other people.

We do not fall in love with age, but with the characteristics that we unconsciously associate with an older person.

All the aspects or needs that are not covered during our childhood make up a series of deficiencies that we will try to supply through our interpersonal relationships, especially in the “love” ones. The role of the father and mother is archetypal, that is, common to all human beings. It is embedded in our unconscious; That is why we can say that each parent performs a specific function that, in turn, has a marked biological function.

Couples with an age difference in which the man is older than the woman can fulfill the function of making the woman feel safe and protected. On the other hand, it is possible that before, in our family system, a similar relationship existed. In any case, we can ask ourselves the following: what do I intend to cover with my relationships? How do I not take care of or protect myself? Why don’t I dare to do it?

Ultimately, it is not a question of age, but of resonance. When two people establish a relationship, their information is complemented to give to the couple. For example, a person with a very present father will often unconsciously seek to bond with someone with an absent father. All our relationships serve to get to know ourselves better. Identifying the emotional deficiencies that our partner fills is the first step to establish a relationship based on love, instead of a relationship based on need.

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