Have you ever heard the expression “black sheep”? We commonly use it to refer to that member of the family who apparently it is inappropriate or too different from the other members.
Although we give it a negative connotation, this role is essential for the health and development of the family system. It is the one represented by the members who they feel they don’t fit inbecause their way of thinking and behaving does not conform to the norms and mandates established in the family, consciously or unconsciously.
In this article we will address the issue of the black sheep, the meaning of this role and its function for the family and society.
In this audio, Enric Corbera explains the myths of happiness by answering the question, Where is happiness found?
In this video, Curro Aguilar offers a constructive perspective on the role of the “black sheep” and its family and social function.
What does it mean to be the black sheep of the family?
Being the “black sheep” of the family is being different within the family group. It is to distinguish yourself from others by qualities that are normally not well regarded or shared for the rest of the members.
It is precisely those characteristics, considered unacceptable, inappropriate or strange by your environment, which prevent you from fitting in because you are different from others.
In sheep herds, this expression is used to refer to a small number of animals that have black wool instead of white, due to the presence of a recessive gene. By having a different color, they stand out of the herd and they are often less valued because their wool cannot be dyed.
So, making an analogy: that “black sheep” is the member who cannot or system characteristics and has a tendency to develop a distinct identity with its own ideals.
In contrast, the “white sheep” conform to what is established and what is required of them to be accepted and belong to the system.
Curiously, the “black sheep”, according to the traditions of the Alto Aragón shepherds, protect the flock from storms and from some ills and diseases. In the same way we can say that, within the family, the “black sheep” introduces changes for the evolution and balance of the system.
Characteristics of the “black sheep”
The role of the “black sheep” is attributed to the person who he breaks clan obligations, questions beliefs and rebels against the status quo of the family.
We also found similarity of this concept with the Jungian archetype of the “rebel” that is characterized by being non-conformist and questioning the state of things, for generating changes and offering new perspectives.
Is defiant attitude and tendency to break established rules Freud also addresses them, stating that in adolescence the impulse occurs, in a metaphorical sense, to “kill the father and the mother”. Which reflects the time when people we seek to differentiate ourselves from the family nucleus to become independent adults.
The role of rebellion
We could say that the rebellion in a family system, it functions as an emotion that moves us of the, individual and group, towards improvement and evolution.
But this is not a pointless rebellion, the “black sheep” thinks for itself, questions and seeks its own way generally out of the ordinary on your system.
A “black sheep” Dare to live differently expressing hidden talents and unleashing the suppressed dreams of the clan. Question the mistakes and dysfunctional family, looking for answers and moves away from family traditions and norms.
In other words, the “black sheep” provides contrast and complementarity.
In such a way that, just as the color black makes a sheep stand out in a flock of white sheep, the person who fulfills this role within the system, he is considered “different” in relation to the norms followed in his family.
function of the black sheep
Far from being harmful the role played by this member is essential for the evolution of the system.
Despite this, the person who occupies this role is often the target of criticism and rejection, because their characteristics make them different and does not agree with what is established within the system.
Understanding the family system
The family is a group of people who works as a systemin which each member is a piece that must behave according to the rules that unite and give identity to the group.
In every family there are a number of sharedconsciously or unconsciously supported by all its members, which act as a kind of dogmas that cannot be questioned.
Therefore it is through the influence exerted by our environment and the education we receive, which we integrate these values, habits and beliefsas standards of conduct that are considered acceptable and that and our way of perceiving and interacting with others in adulthood.
Identity of the “clan”
As happens in the individual, the identity of the “clan” is made up of their gifts and coherent decisions, but also of their wounds, fears, superstitions and complexes.
Every family contains for the good of the system. This way the “black sheep” shows resistance to the traditional in an unconscious search for the liberation of the clan. For example:
In a family where there is great sexual repression, the “black sheep” may display excessively promiscuous behavior; Or perhaps in an environment where the system attaches great importance and value to academic preparation, the “black sheep” wants to be an artist or drop out.
“Disobedience is the original virtue of man. Through disobedience and rebellion progress has been made.”
Oscar Wilde
This shows us that the role of the “black sheep” is generate changes and provide a path of liberation for the whole clan through his rebellion.
By changing implicit laws and adapting them to current conditions for the benefit of all members, it plays a role essential for the proper functioning and evolution of the family system.
The black sheep and the equilibrium of the system
We can say that the “black sheep” is the most faithful part of the family because, consciously or unconsciously, they sacrifice the well-being that conformity and submission to the system provide, in favor of a greater good.
Without at doubt it is a natural and necessary role that needs to be accepted and integrated, both for who occupies that place in the family, and for those who judge it.
family loyalties
Often family mandates conditions the development of its membersalso slowing down the evolution of the system, when the ideal is for the family to evolve at the rate of development of its members.
This concept related to the maintenance of the family structure is called family loyalty and tells us about the value binds an individual or group of people by complying with rules of fidelity, honor and .
In this , each member is required to comply with the obligations of the clan and doing otherwise may imply exclusion from the group. Thus, such loyalties are maintained through generations.
normal does not equal correct
Have you ever wondered what the word “normal” refers to? Usually, what is “normal” is confused with what is adequate, which is very far from reality.
“Normal” refers to the common or more usual and is always relative to the context. Common does NOT imply that it is adequate.
That is, it varies within macrosystems such as: culture or religion, as well as in microsystems such as: family, work or the couple.
Why do we hold outdated attitudes or beliefs?
Under this habit of confusing what is “normal” with what is adequate, a multitude of concepts have been accepted throughout history. which today seem absurd and even dangerous.
They are maintained because they belong to the system and because of the comfort that comes from not leaving the established “normality”. Nevertheless, when they are no longer adaptive or functional, they can be transformed thanks to the people who dare to change the status quo.
For example, some very common beliefs in the past, such as “it is not normal for a man to do household chores” either “It is not normal for a woman to vote”, They are transformed slowly and gradually through the generations.
Or in more extreme and ancient cases we find: human sacrifices, the belief in the supremacy of the Aryan race or racial segregation. Of course, all of that seems crazy to us today, but at the time it was “normal” and therefore considered appropriate.
Precisely, Thanks to the people who questioned and rebelled against the world, they traced
You have to question “normality” in order to change it
One way to identify if we are holding obsolete beliefs, in the family or social sphere, because they are considered “normal” is by observing political ideologies, studies, vocations, the way of understanding relationships, sexuality, religious beliefs , etc
And in this way become aware of how, for the simple fact of belonging and not leaving “normality”, we feed and perpetuate collective behaviors that do not contribute to the evolution and balance of the system.
So to change the above . You can start by asking yourself:
What “normality” do you consider dysfunctional or harmful in your family?
Before what beliefs of the “normality” of your system have you revealed yourself or would you like to do so?
Before what “normality” is another member of the family revealing himself? And what do you think she could contribute to the system?
towards a new balance
The family is the nucleus where the people who will integrate the society of the future are formed.
Consequently, it is necessary to understand that strict, inflexible, intolerant and even tyrannical families with their members harm their own development.
In this context, the rebellion of a member supposed but also offers an opportunity to improve and readjust its functioning in favor of a new equilibrium.
“A true spirit of rebellion is one who seeks happiness in this life.”
Henrik Johan Ibsen
It is necessary that we learn to honor our life understanding and accepting that our value is found in our differences and that, precisely, that is what will help us to fulfill our purpose.
At the same time, for we must dare to break their commands and to do what our ancestors could not or did not know how to do.
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