Mental self-sabotage: how to stop being your worst enemy

At each stage of life we ​​seek to meet new goals and objectives, such as studying a career, having a partner, starting a family, promoting a job, carrying out a personal project, etc.

However, despite having the best of intentions, sometimes our actions do not contribute to achieving what we set out to do. One of the main causes for which we fail to meet our objectives or maintain our achievements is what is known as mental self sabotage.

In the following article we explain what it consists of and we invite you to identify and transform the beliefs that are at the root of this limiting dynamic, to overcome your blocks, and move on to achieve what you propose.

In this podcast, Enric tells us about the shadow, that hidden part of ourselves that we reject. Knowing the unconscious aspects relegated to the shadow allows us to transcend our limitations and enhance our development.

In this video, you are encouraged to practice the habit of active listening to observe our internal dialogue without judgement, without filters, with a clean mind in order to discern the unconscious information that limits us and thus be able to transcend it.

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What is mental self-sabotage?

Mental self-sabotage refers to the action of hindering in some way the achievement of our desires and objectives, preventing us .

This is a great internal contradictionsince we do not understand why we want and think one thing, but we end up doing another that harms us or that does not mean a step forward to achieve what we want.

This state of confusion with oneself leads us to feeling that we have an “internal enemy”and we wonder Why do I act like this and not how I really want? To understand what is happening inside us, we must begin by asking ourselves Why do I do what I do?

Do you really want what you want?

We all go through difficult moments in which our way of facing the challenges of life can lead us to self-sabotage without realizing it.

let’s see some examples:

  • A person who is studying a university degree and finds great Difficulty maintaining a study routine.
  • Someone who wants to have children but fails to establish a commitment to a partner who share this goal.
  • An individual who wants to play for a professional soccer team, but is unable to maintain the necessary discipline to train, dietetc.

Observing these situations, we can think that people simply do not have the necessary willpower or that they do not try hard enough. Nevertheless, the real source of your difficulties lies at a deeper level: your unconscious.

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The beliefs that lead us to sabotage ourselves

If there is a contradiction between what we think, feel and do, it is fundamental .

“You are the only real obstacle on your way to a fulfilling life.”

Les Browns

what we think we want

Depending on the family and cultural environment in which we have grown up, we have beliefs that, without realizing it, influence our decisions, our actions, and even our behavior. what we think we want.

When we experience situations in which we believe that we do not have the resources to face certain challenges, or that we do not deserve something better, or that we are not up to the task, we tend to and act in ways that confirm our beliefs.

For this reason, we must review our unconscious learning and conditioning, since the only thing that stops us is inside us. Continuing with the previous examples, each person can ask themselves:

  • Am I studying the career that I really want to study?
  • Do I sincerely want to be a mother/father now, or is that what I think I want?
  • Is my desire to be a professional athlete true or do I do it to please someone?

Asking ourselves these questions is essential to begin a self-inquiry at the moment we realize that we are self-sabotaging.

In this way, our maladaptive or harmful behavior becomes a tool to make changes and .

If we discover that what we are fighting for is not what we really want, but what our parents want, for example, we can reformulate our goals in life. If, on the contrary, we confirm that we really want to achieve that goal, we will move on to inquire into our fears and fears.

What we think will happen

Imagine you achieve your goal: How would your life change? What would you have to give up? What new challenges do you think you would have to face?

Sometimes our biggest fear is getting what we want.since reaching our dreams implies give up aspects of our life as it is now, and .

If you already know what you really want, but you keep sabotaging yourself, you can ask yourself: If I achieve this goal,

  • What will change in my life that scares me?
  • What challenging situations will I encounter that I feel I cannot cope with?

What we believe about ourselves

At this point it is important to understand that the projections we make of the future they have to do with our previous experiences, what we believe about our ability to face new challenges and what we believe about what we deserve.

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When we say “I am…”, “I am not capable of…”, “I like…”, “I can’t…”, “I’m not good at…”, etc. we’re defining a limited and limiting version of ourselves.

“Many of us, most of the time, do not listen to each other,

but we listen to the introjected voices of mom, dad,

the system, the elders, the authority or the tradition».

abraham maslow

Thus, one of the main causes of self-sabotage is that we set the boundaries of what we think we are. If we are not aware of it, we are also determining the limits of what we can become.

To transcend these self-imposed limits it is essential, first of all, to recognize that we are sabotaging ourselves and to find out how we are doing it. Is about take advantage of challenges to overcome ourselves. Paraphrasing New Zealand mountaineer and philanthropist Sir Edmund Hillary “We do not conquer the mountain, but ourselves.”

Types of self-sabotage and keys to overcome it

Only when we become aware of the information that is limiting us can we do something about it. We can’t change what we don’t know. So, identify in what and in what way we sabotage ourselvesIt is the first step to generate changes in our life that allow us to move towards our goals.

For this purpose, we will see different ways in which self-sabotage manifests itself:

Procrastination: leaving things for tomorrow

When we put off what we know we need to do to reach a goal, we are sabotaging ourselves. If you find yourself in this situation, you may wonder what you really want to achieve, .

Lost time is existence; used is life.

–Edward Young

The purpose is the fundamental engine that . Having a purpose is, in a transcendental sense, finding meaning in what we do every day. It helps us overcome obstacles, gives us strength in difficult times and guides us when we feel lost.

Once you have identified your purpose, ask yourself: Are my actions and decisions aligned with what I intend to achieve?.

excuses

“I’m too old for…”, “I’m not good at…”, “I don’t have time for…”, “I should…” “I want to do it, but my partner…” “If I didn’t have children…” “If I had more money…” When we use these types of expressions on a regular basis, we are self sabotaging.

“Your complaints, your drama, your victim mentality, your guilt, and all your excuses have never brought you one step closer to your goals or dreams.”

–Steve Maraboli

The good news is that we can use these excuses or pretexts as a justification to give up on our dreams or as an impulse to achieve them.

To begin dealing with this type of self-sabotage, when you recognize that you are making excuses for yourself, ask yourself:

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  • What or who am I holding responsible for not daring to do what I want?
  • Can I find another way to achieve it taking into account my circumstances?
  • Am I willing to prioritize my well-being?

Don’t finish things

When starting work or projects, we are generally motivated, eager and energetic. However, after time or when obstacles appear, some people go and many times they give up halfway.

Self-inquiry allows us to identify how unconscious beliefs and learning may be undermining our motivation.

“Most of the important things in the world have been achieved by

people who kept trying when there seemed to be no hope.”

–Dale Carnegie

When you are thinking about leaving a project, observe what difficulties or limitations you perceive that have led you to consider leaving it, inquire into your true motivations and beliefs, and remember that both the problem and the solution are in you.

perfectionism

is the perfect attitude for failurebecause the obsession with not making mistakes can paralyze us.

Seeking perfection is not a bad thing in itself, as it can motivate us to improve what we do. However, it can become a maladaptive or harmful attitude when it is excessive and the feeling of failure is persistent.

This kind of perfectionism hides a great depreciation and it is reflected in any aspect of life: getting the best grades, having a body of 10, that the house is impeccable, that the children are the best, that the couple is exemplary, etc.

as it comes to unattainable idealsthe result is a feeling of not being enough that generates frustration, and lock.

“Perfectionism is not a search for the best.

It’s chasing the worst in us, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough.”

–Julia Cameron

If you feel that you sabotage yourself in this way, observe a behavior in which you consider yourself excessively perfectionist and ask yourself the following questions:

  • Why do I limit myself through perfectionism?
  • What do I get for myself when I self-sabotage in this way?
  • Can I achieve the same with another more beneficial behavior for me?

Example: fear of failure and fear of success

For example, if a person is writing a novel, and the time never comes to finish it, and continues to incessantly tweak it to make it “perfect”, it is possible that they will not publish it because they consider that “it can still be better”.

If you ask yourself the questions we’ve raised, perhaps you can see your afraid to expose his work and receive criticism. Also, you may discover the fear of success Or, rather, to its possible consequences, such as assuming new…