Infidelity is a recurring and very common theme in the social and affective structure to which we belong, but what is it really? How can we manage it? What are the reasons that lead us to it?
In this podcast, Enric Corbera talks about one of the most common reasons for suffering in many people today: jealousy. In this chapter we will understand where they come from, what they reflect on us and what biological sense they fulfill.
What makes people unfaithful? In this video, David Corbera explains how affective ties and childhood attachments can influence infidelity in adulthood.
What is infidelity?
In order to try to delimit the concept and make it tangible enough to work on it, we could say that, commonly, infidelity is understood as the act of maintain an affective and/or sexual relationship with a person, when we are committed to another.
The etymological origin of the word “fidelity” comes from Latin and means “relative quality of being loyal or having faith” and the prefix in- It is a denial that indicates not fulfilling this quality.
The central theme when talking about infidelity deals with the breach of a contract or tacit agreement between two parties.
Given that each relationship is a unique and exclusive tacit agreement for each person who raises it, we can conclude that What awakens us in this type of situation? symbolically supposes much more than the consequences that the act itself could have.
How do we approach infidelity?
much has been about infidelity, both about its meaning and about its conditions.
Generalist conclusions are confusing and elusive, so biased in relation to the particular fact that, far from being helpful, they only suggest determined positions that can make us resonate to a greater or lesser extent.
Nevertheless, The way of experiencing infidelity can be very variedIt will depend on the culture the circumstances of each couple, the moment of maturation of each of the individuals, the stage in which the couple is and a long etcetera.
Even the limits of what each member of the couple can consider as infidelity can be very different. For some it only exists if there is sex, while for others it is the fact of imagining it with another person.
In other words, in infidelity there are obviously biological, territorial and primitive factors, but what ends up causing greater suffering belongs to the cultural and psychological sphere of each individual.
Infidelity has a biological component, but above all a cultural one
Various studies have addressed the causes of infidelity, as well as the difference between men and women, but although most can be identified with one or several of the causes that are exposed, in reality real personal motives are mostly .
Our behaviors are guided by our our and our education. If the causes were really consistent reasons, in the same situation everyone would react the same.
“The worst thing is not to make a mistake, but to try to justify it, instead of taking advantage of it as a providential warning of our lightness or ignorance.”
Santiago Ramon Y Cajal
For example, there are men who are unfaithful because the woman does not want to have sexual relations. But others find themselves in the same circumstance and remain faithful.
How to react to an infidelity?
We can experience infidelity from victimhood or from consciousness.
The main dilemma that a person faces when he is unfaithful or is the victim of infidelity is in the image you may have of yourselfin the emotional incoherence that he incurs and that divides him internally.
It is at this point that one can begin to question honestly and thoughtfully.
Why do I live this experience?
What hurts me the most about infidelity?
What is the biggest fear that awakens me? The fear of abandonment, loneliness, what will they say, starting over?
What has led me to be unfaithful or to experience betrayal by my partner?
In any case, there is a factor that seems evident, all suffering in an infidelity, on both sides, has a great component related to and, therefore, with a feeling of lack, of being incomplete without the other.
“Freedom” in relationships
The Hungarian author Sandor Marai said in his work : “
What does fidelity mean, what do we expect from the person we love? (…) When we demand fidelity from someone, is it our purpose that the other person be happy? And if the other person is not happy in the subtle slavery of fidelity, do we love the person from whom we demand it?.
Within this logic, the freedom we have when we establish a sentimental agreement with someone should also lead us to take into consideration that one of the parties is not obliged to forever.
Not accepting this fact is the greatest demonstration of lack self love that we can show since, as I said “When love is the norm, there is no will to power, and where power prevails, love is lacking.”.
Behavior in the face of infidelity
At this point, there is no behavioral solution that is right, nor is there any that is wrong.
There will be situations where the most appropriate thing will seem to be changing partners, in others it will be the reason to strengthen an eternal relationship, for some it will help them to get to know each other and for others it will be the reason to mistrust the world around them.
understand that and stop locating our suffering outside of us can inspire us with a certain vertigo, the same as a child who rides a bicycle alone for the first time feels.
Fear, once assumed, will be what allows us to go through our experiences with the certainty of who knows thathe ability to be happy is intrinsic to his naturenot to its surrounding environment.
Infidelity and BioneuroemotionⓇ
The suggests that every experience we live has a in our personal, family, ancestral and collective history.
From this perspective, our way of experiencing a circumstance of infidelity will have a .
and the fact of similar circumstances is an opportunity to close old wounds and regain loyalty to ourselves.
In the are reflected in crystalline form personal and all aspects of the family that have been hidden or censored. For this reason, although each person could give explanations for why he is unfaithful, the real reason is usually unconscious.
“Infidelity is cheating. It is breaking an affective-sexual pact that you had with your partner. Fidelity is not the absence of desire for others, but something more than love, it is an act of will. That’s where reason comes in, I decide to be faithful with self-control and avoidance at the same time. If I need to have a lot of people, besides my partner, then I should look for a partner who thinks like me.”
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The same can be said of the person who is the victim of infidelity, because both members of a couple are part of the same unconscious, even though they experience it separately. .
without fear or conditions, to fall in love with human beings and not with the role they play in our lives.
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