There are certain habits that help us communicate in a more efficient and conscious way, both with others and with ourselves. Below we will list five of the most decisive:
1. Use positive language.
Keep in mind that the unconscious does not distinguish “no”. If I tell you: “Don’t think about a pink elephant”, realize what happens, you are probably thinking about him. We must use language to get closer to our desired goal, instead of highlighting what is bothering us.. It is very different to say “Don’t yell at me” than to say “Talk to me in a lower tone”. The , reflects a much deeper attitudinal structure.
2. Take responsibility for your emotions.
Everything that affects us reflects a part of ourselves. Therefore, it is better to use a proactive language, in which we will do a little exercise to see what we want to achieve for ourselves. Continuing with the example, we could ask ourselves: how do I feel when they yell at me? What do I get that makes me feel better when they talk to me in a lower tone?
3. Use concrete and descriptive language.
Effective communication is one that leaves little to the imagination. By being descriptive and concrete we are favoring understanding and creating effective interaction. Instead of saying “Talk to me better” or “Talk to me with respect” we will specify “Talk to me with a lower tone”. What “good” or “respect” means to me in this situation does not have to be coincide with what it means for my interlocutor at that moment.
4. Communicate without the desire to change anyone.
It is our responsibility to decide to continue living a situation or to avoid it. Communication will be more effective when the desired result depends less on the behavior of third parties. We will make the request without judging the other, only expressing our need. Instead of saying “You are a despot”, we will say “I feel bad when you yell at me”. We do not require a , instead we communicate a state. Although sometimes it may not seem like it, this way of expressing ourselves has more power of influence, since it does not activate the listener’s psychic defenses because it does not refer to any .
5. Pay attention to the way you communicate.
Only by being aware of how we express ourselves will we know what message we are really communicating.. Perhaps we ourselves do not realize if our tone when speaking is high, being able to transmit a sensation of aggressiveness, perhaps our gesticulation is very scarce, being able to give the sensation of disinterest, etc… this non-verbal language has an enormous influence on the message that we transmit . In order to achieve effective communication, we must pay special attention to these aspects since, no matter how careful we are with our words, taking into account these non-verbal aspects is the only way to be able to make ourselves responsible and creators of what we want to communicate.
He works on it continuously and constantly in language. It is one of the fundamental pillars when it comes to being able to investigate ourselves, to be able to optimize our relationship with it and even change habits of thought and, therefore, behavior. Communication, in addition to an action, is a habit, and as such it can be trained and evolved. proposes the exercise of including these five habits for a while and observing what changes both in the form of communication and in the consequences thereof.
«The individual possesses himself, he knows himself, expressing what he has inside, and that expression is only fulfilled through language.»
Peter SalinasSpanish poet.
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