Do you know what the meaning of problems is? Would you like to learn how to use them to enhance your personal growth and improve your relationships? In the following article you will be able to answer these and other questions about family conflicts and how to deal with them successfully.
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What is a troubled family?
When we say that a family is problematic, we are not referring to a family in which conflicts occur, as this happens in all of them in one way or another, but to a context in which they are not managed properly, in which the members do not have the necessary tools to to increase your well-being and that of your environment.
When there are no apparent problems in a family, it is not that they do not exist, but rather that they are not being recognized or addressed.
Whether this happens or if conflicts occur repeatedly, we can say that the family system is dysfunctional, because does not function in a way that allows it to grow and evolvewhich are the attributes of any healthy system.
What if instead of judging our relatives we understood their behavior? The invites us to know the circumstances of what has happened in our tree in order to understand.
— (@ECIinstitute)
if we think about we understand that a functional family is one that knows how to take advantage of problems to transform and evolve, both individually and as a group.
In other words, it is a family in which it is understood that the conflict expressed by one of its members is a reflection of the problem that exists in the system and, at the same time, is part of its solution.
Therefore, a conflict will always be an opportunity to improve together since, as the writer Richard Bach says,
“There is no problem that does not simultaneously give you a gift.”
Besides, a dysfunctional family is inflexible, fears any change and sees family conflicts as an obstacle for his well-being, without realizing that this resistance to transformation is the main cause of the difficulties he experiences.
The healthy thing would be for the family to evolve at the rate at which its members, but this is not usually the case, rather frequently family mandates condition the development of its members and, in this way, the same system stops evolving.
Possible causes of family problems
Conflicts occur in any social system, it is natural and necessary for its balance and evolution.
In addition, it is normal for us to experience more difficulties with the people with whom we usually associate and with whom we care the most.
Although there is a belief that family problems are a sign that there is something wrong in the family, even going so far as to say that a family “is problematic”, the truth is that the fact that there are conflicts is not dysfunctional in itselfbut the way in which they are managed by its members is what will determine the health of the family system.
To understand the nature of conflict in a family, we must keep in mind that, just as there is an individual personality, there is also there is a collective identity.
For example, each country, each city, each religious group, etc., has characteristics, beliefs, values and operating patterns within the system that define it, generating a sense of belonging and linking the members.
In the family system, this “clan” identityas with individual identities, is not only made up of your gifts and coherent decisions, but also develops based on .
Types of family problems
There are many kinds of difficulties , , couple etc
However, all conflicts have their origin in disagreements and disagreements regarding ways of seeing and understanding aspects of lifeas the education, sexuality, religious beliefs, work, the way of dressing, and a long etcetera.
These clashes are not produced by the differences between people, but by the lack of flexibility and understandingboth of each of the members and of the family system.
“The cause of most human relations problems is the lack of mutual recognition”
Cieri Estrada Domenico
We must understand that each personin addition to the person that he is in himself, plays a role within the system that it is learning to playsuch as father, son, etc., as well as the other members of your family.
In this there are always moments of difficulty that have to be overcome both individually and collectively.
In the words of Dr. Steve Maraboli, specialized in human behavior sciences,
“Sometimes family problems do not require a solution to solve them; instead, they require maturity to overcome them.”
How to solve family problems?
It’s not about avoiding conflict.but to transform our way of approaching the difficulties that arise within the family.
Usually, in each family there is one or more who question beliefs and who do not conform to the established norms of conduct, that is, those who rebel against the status quo of the family, generating opportunities for change and growth for the system.
Successful coping with these conflictive situations reinforces personal resources and improves relationships, generating resilience processes.
In this way, the development of coping skills and new skills is favored.
Roles and responsibilities in the family unit
do you recognize yourself in Or do you identify other people in your family as “different” or “problems”?
In any case, it is important to understand that each person must recognize their contribution to the conflicts they experience and .
Conflicts managed from this they are excellent catalysts for personal and systemic evolution, increasing personal and family well-being.
This implies stop judging and blaming others what bothers you, to understand the emotional origin of your conflict and learn to identify the implicit learning in each difficult situation.
You may ask yourself, who do I blame for my discomfort? Who do I judge and want to change?
Taking responsibility also consists of not wanting to change othersallowing them to be and evolve without imposing our criteria on them.
Anthony De Mello, in his book “The song of the bird”, says that “A society that tames its rebels has won its peace, but has lost its future”.
In the same way, families that are strict, inflexible, intolerant and even tyrannical with their members are harming their own development.
However, if the family system accepts the challenge posed by each conflict as an opportunity to improve, the whole family will be able to readjust your functioning and find a new balance.
From this perspective, it does not imply adjusting to their rules and mandates so as not to generate conflicts, but rather it implies accepting your differences, tolerating those of others, and dare to be
This is the best way to honor who you are and the whole system of which you are part, consequence and solution.