Experiences that awaken the wound of humiliation

The person with a masochistic character has chosen in the spiritual world before being born, to live in the bosom of a family that will constantly make them emerge from the unconscious, memories of control, submission and abuse of power.

The masochistic individual has been deeply humiliated as a child. He has been trained to feel incapable and useless.

The mother or her caregivers are the ones who have control over it.

The mother is domineering and possessive, and is even willing to sacrifice herself for him.

He does not allow his son to have a private personal space where he can recognize and enjoy his body, himself.

It is she who tries to control and dominate the child’s body, his diet and even his physiological functions.

If the child behaves “properly” he shows his love, if not, he ridicules him.

SHe only deserves to be loved if he abides by certain rules that are imposed on him, because the mother considers that this is how it should be.

Obedience is rewarded with approval; rebellion, on the other hand, is disapproved of.

A clear example of this occurs when he begins to control his sphincters.

He perceives that if he retains bowel movements, he is loved, pampered, and when they escape, they humiliate him and make him feel ashamed of himself.

This causes him great psychological damage because it makes him believe that he must retain, suffer and behave well to be loved.

Thus the child goes from a situation that gave him pleasure and later a state of relaxation, to live in a state of tension and even unpleasantness.

When he wants to cry, he can’t do it because his parents don’t approve, they censor him, because they can’t bear the anguish that seeing him cry causes them.

Also the mother controls the appearance and the way of dressing. She does not respect if he tells her that she is hot or cold. He will dress at her discretion.

With which, the child will lose contact with his own body.

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And the same goes for food:

His mother, devoted and anguished, not only wants him to eat quickly and without staining, but also wants him to eat what, according to her, she believes he needs to grow up healthy and strong and not have problems.

Swithout taking into account the needs of the child or whether or not he is satisfied.

If at a certain moment the child feels satisfied and indicates or tells his mother that enough is enough, that she does not want to continue eating any more, she, who does not have confidence in her child’s ability to know what he really needs, it will make her nervous and she will force him to continue eating until she considers that he is well fed.

huntil she is calm that what she should eat is that, with which she will be able to contain her anguish and will provide her with a state of self-confidence for having acted as a good and responsible mother in the care of her son.

If she doesn’t succeed, she will be ashamed of herself, of her role as a mother.

In this way, what the mother unconsciously intends is to use the basic needs of the child as a remedy to control her own anguish.

No.or she cares what the child may feel or not, what she seeks by feeding her child is to satisfy her own need, that is, to contain her anguish.

As a consequence, the individual with a masochistic character associates that after the tension to achieve a desire, a need, satisfaction does not appear and then relaxation for having achieved it, but on the contrary, what he experiences is an increase in tension.

And also having to endure the unpleasant experience of “having to” continue eating when you no longer feel like it.

Coupled with the subsequent unbearable feeling of a bloated and stuffed stomach.

What such experiences will do is begin to distance the child from the perception of his desires and needs.

And, as a consequence, of enjoying them and will replace them with the needs of others so as not to feel frustrated and to be able to coexist in their environment.

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It also happens that the child loses contact with his internal power since the effectiveness of the word “NO” has not been enough to prevent him from imposing demands and needs that are not his own or that are unpleasant.

On the contrary, it has served to annoy her mother, to cause more anguish and more pressure.

She will not accede to her son’s wishes and will resort to emotional coercion and blackmail if necessary.

FVery typical lines that he usually uses to manipulate the child’s behavior are:

“Be a good boy. It pleases your mother. Finish your food.”

If you eat me, yes I love you, if you don’t eat me, no».

“Mom knows what’s good for you.” “I always act for your good.”

Despite the fact that the child increases his opposition to any interference related to his needs and that is why “tantrums” and anger at minimal frustrations are frequent, which parents experience with great bewilderment, they are always forced to give in, all attempts to resist they are crushed.

The child is forced to go against his basic needs through coercion, or by force or through emotional blackmail, sometimes even violently.

As we have seen before, they do it in the control of their sphincters because it does not allow the child to control it and mature little by little.

No.or allows him to touch, run, walk and get away from her, does not allow the basic need to oppose, to know what he feels and what he wants.

ANDThat is to say, the child in any life situation, perceives that he is not accepted as he is and he does not feel protected and respected either.

Any sensation, any feeling is inappropriate, they make you feel ashamed and humiliated.

If the child starts to play with his genitals, he is interrupted and told that this is wrong, that it is ugly and dirty.

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When he does some activity, a drawing, for example, his parents make the mistake of defining his work, instead of letting their son do it. “Look what my son has drawn! It is a mountain”.

When, in reality, what the boy had tried to draw was something else, a stone.

This is a very big mistake, since the created object is like a mirror of the creator’s essence. A reflection of his inner being, of his individuality.

This is the goal of our creations: they reflect who we are.

But if his parents take over his creation and define it, according to their criteria, before the child has identified with it, when the child looks at the object he has drawn, he will see the essence of his parents reflected, not his own.

Instead of seeing a stone, you will see a mountain.

When he explains his ideas and, from time to time, remains silent, thinking, his parents try to help him complete the sentences.

AIn this way, he is anticipating that his own son is the one who completes the puzzle in the way and at the pace he wishes.

Faced with this invasion and subsequent theft of his creative development, the child will react by going deeper and it will cost him much more to return again to complete his idea.

From this moment it will be confusing.

Finally, the child incorporates the mother’s attitudes, making them an integral part of himself.

He cannot distinguish which is his essence and which is that of his parents. You can’t see the difference.

Little by little, he will be forced to distance himself from his perceptions and replace them with those of the mother or the person who performs this function.

Lor that it will make you live in a state of permanent internal tension, as if you were going to explode and from which you are unable to free yourself.

Excerpt from my new book LA TAREA DEL ALMA, if you want to buy it click on the Amazon link:

Image: expertoe.com