Experiences at the beginning of the life of a DIStrustful person

Since he was little, he has had a special grace and has stood out from the rest for his intelligence, ease, skills, talent, people skills, communication skills, etc.

In other words, he has a personality that is much higher than average.

In the family he occupies a very prominent place, for example, because he is the firstborn or the youngest, or he is the only child or the most intelligent among all the brothers, etc.

It can also happen that it is another family member who occupies a special place and not him, then he will envy the other person’s position and try to imitate his behavior to show that he is also special, the best.

In this way, it becomes the center of the family. He perceives that he occupies an important place and this gradually causes pride to take root in his personality from a very early age.

There is a relationship with a seductive father or mother. Often it is the favorite of one of them, preferably it is the right eye of the parent of the opposite sex. This seduction is aimed at winning over the child, to take the side of the parent who seduces.

The child is excessively loved by that father or mother who longs for their perfect child to satisfy their emotional needs, their fantasies or unfulfilled desires.

He is flattered, pampered and overprotected, he is given all the best, even, if possible, to the detriment of his own parents.

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Unconsciously, parents guide the child to achieve goals.

He begins to realize that he will have to be active in doing things and achieving achievements that parents like and for which he receives appraisals and rewards.

It doesn’t matter how he feels, how he is, what is truly important is what he achieves and how he does it.

In this way, he understands that in order to obtain the positive consideration of his father or mother, he has to learn to suppress his emotions and to postpone and give up his interests and desires to satisfy the interests and desires of his parents, especially those of the seductive parent. , who is the one who protects and supports you.

And, at the same time, defending himself from the parent of the same sex, whom he considers as a potential enemy and whom he avoids meeting because he considers that he does not totally love him.

Thus the child instinctively learns that in order to fit into that brilliant ideal that his parents have established, he has to please them and conform to do what they expect of him, in this way he will receive the reward of continuing to be the preferred one and keep his place of power.

He was esteemed for what he could produce and achieve, rather than for himself.

He learned that the way to receive approval and love was focused on performance that was accompanied by success, so he insisted on doing extraordinary things for recognition and trying to be admired and loved by everyone.

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He learned that the way to receive approval and love was focused on performance that was accompanied by success, so he insisted on doing extraordinary things for recognition and trying to be admired and loved by everyone.

The idea is to work hard to achieve the role of leader and win. He cannot fail, since he has learned that only winners were worthy of love.

That is why he learns to seduce, to manipulate and to project an image of himself that is not real, that will incorporate the ideal characteristics of a role.

You have created an image based on what you think you have to show to attract the attention of others and you live attached to that image separate from your own identity.

At first, he realizes that he is acting, that he is representing certain behaviors that earn him attention, recognition and approval, but as the years go by, he identifies with the roles he plays to get the attention of others and achieve his goals.

As a consequence, he loses contact with himself and chooses to be who they expect him to be.

Trying to be himself can be dangerous, because it carries the risk of making mistakes and realizing that you are not as perfect as you think, and therefore disappointing them, losing the recognition they bestow on you, and being betrayed.

In what kind of situations can the child feel betrayed, really or symbolically?

There can be many circumstances that foster the feeling of betrayal, such as:

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It is betrayed when someone has not fulfilled a promise, an agreement, an expectation, etc.

Or when someone is breaking their word.

Through the very process of growing up that parents usually stop paying as much attention to them.

Then the child realizes that he has grown up and that he no longer receives all the attention from his parents, as he did when he was “smaller.”

In the same way, we can feel betrayed after a process of separation, divorce or death of one of their parents.

Likewise, you can feel betrayal after the arrival of a new member to the family and it is now this one who attracts all the attention of your parents..

Also when a girl feels that she is left aside by her father due to the arrival of a boy or, on the contrary, by her mother.

The person who has suffered betrayal, once they become independent, will continue with the same behavior in their interpersonal relationships until, finally, they decide to transcend the ego to connect with their own identity, with the very essence of the soul.

Excerpt from my new book LA TAREA DEL ALMA, if you want to buy it click on the Amazon link:

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