In the vast world of Emotional Intelligence, Is it an exaggeration to think that some people do not feel or have? No, and it has a name: alexithymia, a type of emotional block defined by the Greek psychiatrist Peter Sifgneos in the 1970s.
Everything has to do with affectivity, inherent to the human condition. In the case of alexithymics, it manifests itself in the inability to convey what they feel, and consequently, they fail to recognize, identify, describe and name their own emotions, and also to capture that state of other people. That is why they have also been called “affective aphasics” or “emotional illiterates”.
But be careful: there is a difference between a person who ignores their own emotions and feelings and those of others for some reason -for example, they choose to do so, or they do not know how to proceed-, and suffering from alexithymia. This means that whoever has it literally cannot connect with their own emotional world or with that of others.
How to recognize the emotionally illiterate person
The origin of alexithymia may be due to a neurological disorder or emotional trauma that leave their mark in this way: blocking the feeling. In general, these types of people tend to have a specific type of thinking, devoid of fantasy, abstractions and doubts; They are usually very detailed, although they quickly take action; his mental structure is operational.
When they express themselves they have minimal gestures, a slow language without variations in tones of the voice, and repetitive when describing, so their communicational perspective is poor.
And the one who feels the repercussion of the extremely blocked emotions is the body, and it manifests it in the form of somatizations that have physical repercussions. It is the way to channel those feelings that do not find their channel within your person. Digestive problems, in the bronchi, respiratory failure, chronic pain and migraines, are some manifestations that appear frequently. It should always be the medical and mental health professional who make the diagnosis.
The price of “you have to be strong”
The repression that may have been experienced, for example, by being permanently rejected or abused emotionally or in other ways, can be translated into this emotional annulment.
Those phrases of “men don’t cry”, “don’t laugh, you look crazy” or “you shouldn’t express your feelings because they’re going to take advantage of you” close the door of emotional intelligence, hinder internal development, and later , they will somatize in the body: they manifest somewhere.
Scientists estimate that 8 to 10% of men suffer from alexithymia. Although there are also cases in women, they are less frequent. Neuroscientists associate it with the fact that they have a more integrated left (rational) and right (soft) brain, and this could be because the junction between the two – called the corpus callosum – is larger. At the same time, many have greater affective and emotional wealth in terms of recognizing what is happening to them and expressing it.
5 aspects to improve if you realize that you do not register your emotions
Work on developing your emotions. Even if a medical professional diagnoses alexithymia for causes that are not neurological (which will require another type of approach), this does not invalidate you so that gradually recover your universe of emotions: what happens to you today is that you don’t know what to do to detect, recognize, transmit and manage them. Doing therapy, listening to how others share what is happening to them, encouraging more interaction with people you trust, encouraging you to write down your ideas about feelings or how you imagine them to be, can help you with the appropriate guidance.
Ask the pain. If you have physical somatizations, it is possible that through visualization, meditation, mindfulness and neuro-linguistic programming tools, among others, you can obtain some type of information about the meaning of what you are feeling: the for what What does this pain that won’t go away want to show me? How can I be more attentive next time to redirect it? Keep a journal of responses to be more aware of them and, with practice, you will begin to recognize what you suffer from in its non-physical but emotional dimension.
Have more emotional awareness. Emotional intelligence teaches us four steps to achieve this: A) Detect what you are feeling. B) Assimilate emotions: for example, when you react in a certain way, if you connect it with the underlying emotion you will realize that you will improve your way of communicating (“I got very angry and I couldn’t control my words.”). C) Understand the signs, such as internal tension when we are about to explode, or internal discomfort when you are facing something unpleasant and that anguishes you. D) Self-regulate emotions: for this, it is necessary to work on re-educating them to change ingrained habits and behaviors, for others more conducive to a greater range of expression of emotions.
Recognize your emotional dictionary. The distinctions of the world of feelings and emotions are translated through your language and gestures. If you start to get used to talking about how you feel and gesturing them, you will slowly perceive how you will be able to better express what is happening to you internally. For example, being sad is not the same as being depressed; or lack of energy than distressed.
Patience. The results are gradual and occur as you exercise. Interacting with people very different from us; reading and learning about emotions; Connecting with empathy (putting yourself in the other’s shoes and seeing what that person is going through at that moment), and knowing that you are capable of achieving it as an engine of self-confidence, are other tools that you can consider.