Without a doubt, the coronavirus pandemic that emerged at the end of 2019 highlighted the importance of emotions in order to better face challenges. Emotional intelligence is the discipline that from psychology, seeks to define and help understand this internal process that each person lives, with the objective of channeling emotional reactions and feelings in a more assertive way.
It is within the framework of the family where the bases of the personal and social competences typical of the Emotional Intelligence model that has been popularized by the North American psychologist can be built. Daniel Golemman. Competences such as self-awareness, self-control, motivation, social skills and empathy.
In the forced coexistence imposed by social distancing, several intra-family problems have appeared. How to live peacefully and not stay in the attempt? How to promote that minors can recognize their emotions and accompany them in the process? And how to learn about the benefit of having this type of relational intelligence?
The same questions can be transferred to , since we are emotional beings by nature. However, we can start building these virtues in the strongest ties we have: family.
6 steps to become a family with Emotional Intelligence
These keys will help to better channel the dynamics in the family and, the more they are practiced, the faster the results will be seen:
• Train yourself to understand the emotions of others
We all feel all the time; That is why the quality of being able to understand the process that any member of the family is going through is extremely important. It’s not about justifying, it’s about to understand.
Tools: ask open questions where the person can express himself is promoted. Ask yourself internally “how would I feel if I were in your place?”. Provide support and presence, without the need for additional advice or observations.
• Express emotions appropriately
There are moments of joy, fun and laughter, and there are also moments of tension, anger, fury and anger. A family with emotional intelligence will learn to weigh both stateswill seek to calm the spirals of negativity and rebalance emotions (self-regulation).
Tools: give space to express what you feel, and set limits when you start to hurt others. Find neutral spaces to deal with sensitive issues. The typical “congratulations in public, attention in private” typical of the work environment also works within the family. It is also necessary to look deeply at each emotional manifestation to try to see what is underneath, what is being expressed and perhaps comes out in an inappropriate way.
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• Focus on expressing affection
The affection, closeness and genuine affection it is a catalytic bridge of the emotions that we commonly call “negative”. In truth, emotions are neutral: it is the reaction we have to what happens to us that labels them positive or negative.
Tools: co-create rituals of affectivity that can be done at different times. Use the skills of each one of the family members: there will be those who are better at drawing than speaking, others, at dialogue: we can use everything to develop these skills on a daily basis.
• Do not feel criticized and practice feedback.
The is a feedback where one person supports another to create superior results. In this type of family, it is common for opportunities for improvement to be discussed, expressed at the appropriate moment and tone. The feedback It is not giving advice: but observing the actions of others from an individual perspective, intervening by commenting on first-person impressions, and then, if there were any, any opportunity to improve.
Tools: learn assertive communication skills; eliminate judgments, interpretations and wanting to “read the mind” of the other person. You must ask before you give feedback to any family member. Do not give advice if it is not requested.
• Do not feel judged and appreciate differences
Another essential aspect for emotional intelligence in the family is appreciate the diversity of approaches, character and personality among all. And from those differences, common points are sought to maximize them.
Tools: work collaboratively to build the soul of the family, from the dissonances, and seek to “sound” harmonically. Ask for help in skills that one member does not have and another does, to learn from each other by giving and receiving. Focus on points of contact, rather than discrepancies. In a discussion, highlight what they have in common and recapitulate it clearly to fix those concordances between both people who are going through that moment.
• Have good communication and trust
Family emotional intelligence is nourished by dialogue and quality conversations. It would be difficult to reach an agreement with others if these spaces did not exist. However, in many families they are not taken into account.
Tools: Create screen-free times to chat and exchange information. Organize tasks that must be carried out as a team. In making decisions that affect everyone, prepare the ground by adults, and choose by consensus of the majority. Open spaces to listen when a member is not having a good time, and avoid wanting to minimize what they share, and even silence her. It is necessary to respect it.